I came down after sitting in my room the whole day crying about what had just happened. And I sounds so immature but I never thought my best friend and boyfriend would ever doing anything like that to ever hurt me.
I went down for the first time because I could hear Nathan shouting "mum!!" Every few hours up the stairs and I realised it wasn't fair that just because Shawn screwed up it doesn't mean I can't see my kids and I wanted to put him to bed.
I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath in. The breath was shaky and it didn't really feel like one.
I patted my face down with my grey towel. I looked back up at the mirror and my eyes were still bloodshot and my cheeks were still tearstained. "Fuck it." I mumbled to myself as I knew Shawn knew I was crying this whole time even if I didn't have puffy eyes.
I went down and saw Shawn cleaning the plates up from dinner. I wanted to go straight to Nathan but he was sitting on the counter tops right by Shawn and they were chatting.
"Mummmyy!!" Nathan shouted pointing at me with excitement on his face
The happiness on his face made me genuinely smile. "Hey my baby." I went over and hugged him
I stood by Shawn and I knew I couldn't stay mad at him forever but I just didn't want to see him. "Let's go watch some toons." I picked Nathan up and put him On my hip
"Han, let's talk." Shawn touched my arm with his wet hands making my jumper sleeve slightly damp.
I looked at him and rolled my eyes then continued on walking to the sofa.
I was sitting on the sofa with Nathan Shawn sat on the other end of the sofa. I noticed nate had started to fall asleep. "Let's go to bed." I picked him up and he rested his head on my shoulder
"Can you come back down please?" Shawn asked me
I really wanted to talk to him again so i just nodded and walked up to Nathan's room.
I tucked him into bed and laid down next to him until he had fallen into a deep sleep i knew this when his lips were slightly parted and I knew it was a deep sleep because Shawn also does the exact same thing.
I was honestly waiting for him to fall in a deep sleep because I wanted to waste time and think about what I was going to say to Shawn.
I went back down stairs because I couldn't run away from Shawn and as soon as he felt my presence he put his phone down.
"Please let me explain." Was the first thing he said to me
I sat down next to him. "Please don't lie about anything because it isn't going to make it better." I croaked out
He nodded at my comment "we were at the baby shower, and you were going around thanking everyone for coming. I was by the name area and Emma was there," he started off
The thought made me sick
"She was clearly drunk. Like, almost black out."
"Are you excusing her for kissing you or something?" I snapped
"No,no." He put his hands on my knee
"Why does it sound like you're giving her an excuse. You still kissed her!!" My voice cracked
"Listen to me. You said you'll let me explain!" Shawn shouted at me. It took me by surprise because it was very rare to him his shout. You knew it was a heated argument when both of us were screaming at each other. "She was drunk, she came over and put her hand on my arm and started flirting with me."
"What did she say?" I asked
"I- I- I don't know." He stuttered
"I know you know don't lie." I raised my eyebrows
"It was something along the lines of you look so hot today." He said to me "then, she put her hands on my chest and kissed me."
"Tongue or not?" I asked
"What?" He laughed
"Don't laugh. I can literally fucking Ask Avia Shawn!!" I shouted throwing my hands in the air
My anger was literally killing me. "Oh my god, you're making me so angry." I cried into my hands. His arms quickly wrapped around me "why?" I pushed his away from me
"I'm so sorry." He cried with me "I'm so sorry."
I stood up and went to the kitchen and hovered over the sink. "I'm so sorry." He hugged me tightly as I cried "I never meant for this to come out."
"This is exactly why I'm even more hurt! You didn't even tell me!"
Shawn kept on apologising. I knew that he genuinely meant it. "Please can you accept it?"
"Yeah..." I lifted my head up and nodded. "I'm so sorry, i didn't mean to make you cry or shout." I wrapped my arms around him
"It's okay." He mumbled in to my hair
***
I had fallen asleep on the sofa.
Shawns scooped me up and carried my "bride and groom style" all the way up to our bedroom
He took my bra off knowing I hate sleeping with one on and as soon as he placed it on to my bedside table Nathan came in making me wake up. "Sleepy with mummy and daddy?"
Shawn groaned as he picked Nathan up from the floor "you're getting so big." He said as Nathan curled up next to me .
Shawn cuddled with Nathan and I and kissed my neck. "Night guys, lobe you" he said
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