Nathan stood on my lap as I went through my notes to find shawn the ep because I wanted him to hear it before everyone else because his opinion meant a lot to me still.
"Here." I handed him the phone so he could start playing the music whenever he wanted to
"You alright?" He smiled as he was about to hit the play button
I took a deep breath in "Yeah, I'm just really nervous"I rubbed my hands together.
He started to play the songs. We didn't say anything after every song he just went on to the other one.
We were on the last song which had just ended. Shawn looked up at me with tears rolling down his cheeks "these songs are beautiful."
"Thank you," my eyes started to fill up with tears "that means a lot." I took my phone back "what's your favourite?"
"All the songs are about me and you're throwing shade," he joked making both of laugh as we wiped away our tears with smiled on our faces "probably love will remember and the heart wants what it wants."
We both looked at each other and didn't say a word. We sat in silence for a few seconds and both leaned in for a kiss.
Before our lips hit we both moved our heads back "I'm sorry." He said
"We know we shouldn't." It felt like the old us for a second. He knew exactly what would make me fall in love with him, if I ever actually fell out.
"I'm gonna get going." He put his phone in the back pocket "I'll let myself out." He said as he walked out of the room
I heard the front door slam and I started to cry. Seeing him didn't make anything better it just made me fall more and more in love with him but I had to keep on reminding myself the reason we broke up Trying to tell myself that I didn't love him.
but who am i kidding ?
"Hannah?" I heard my mum call
"In here." I quickly sorted myself out
My mum came into the room not noticing me crying "I just saw shawn-" she stopped her sentence after she had seen my red and puffy eyes "oh my god , Hannah." She sat on the floor next to me. She kissed the top of my head "what's wrong?"
"I wish I had never met him. I love him but hate him." I told her. I wanted to rip my hair out, I felt like I was crazy.
"Don't say that." She said into my hair "I just saw shawn leaving did you guys get into another argument?" She asked
"No, I played him the ep and we were literally a nose hair away from kissing before he pulled away and i miss him but hate him so much. I wish I had never met him."
"Don't say that." She told me "look," she looked at Nathan who was in his own world "if you hadn't of met shawn you would've never had Nathan or sky and you wouldn't of come up with these amazing songs. You should be grateful for him. I know all the shit he's put you through but look, jokes on him."I stayed silent and Didn't reply to mums comment. What she was saying was true "Nathan, come give mummy a cuddle."
He scooted over towards me and cuddled me. "I love you." I told him. I feel like I had been crying all the time. I was never going to get a break
@hannahsmith Instagram
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@hannahsmith: for you - the ep, out on the 13th October... you can pre order the ep now. I'll be doing a mini q&a in the comments right now so ask away 🖤
@camila_cabello: so proud of you
@avia: I love u and every single song on the here 🖤
@shawnmendessszz: are you going to be going on tour?
@hannahsmith: yes @shawnmendessszz
@shawmendes: has shawn heard the album?
@hannahsmitb: he has @shawmendes
@happyhannah: how many songs
@hannahsmith: there's only 6, but they are all very emotional and vulnerable. I had written 112 songs but those were the ones that were the most emotional to me @happyhannah
@hannahsmithupdates: are we going to get any music videos?
@hannahsmith: there's one music video that I know of. (It's already been recorded, it is going to be released the same time the ep is)
@hannahsmithXX: what time is the ep going to be released?
@hannahsmith: 12pm local time X @hannahsmithXX
@hannahmendes: any collaborations and did you write all the songs by yourself ?
@hannahsmith: there are no Collaborations. All the songs are written all by myself because I knew I wasn't going to be able to get the best and emotional songs if I was writing with a writer
