No Filter

Chapter LXII (62) (Part I)

Sorry for not updating earlier. I've had a long and hard week. Now, this is a two-parter, and I'll post Part II tomorrow. But anyways, enjoy reading!
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My stomach growled more and more. The ache in my stomach became a void. I held it tightly and shiver from the coldness. My fingertips and toes were frozen and numb.

"Are you awake?" I hear Liam through the wall. I wet my lips, tasting the dryness. I try to bring moisture but there wasn't much.

I didn't reply. My throat was dry and empty. "Ally?" He raises his voice a little after hearing my silence.

I swallow whatever I had left and spoke, "I'm here...but I can't hold much longer. I feel drained, like I'm...like I'm fading away."

"Hold on," he says. "Because if you don't, I can't live with myself anymore. I care too much about you."

I nod my head. I didn't want to think about the pain. Right now, I just wanted to make sure nothing is left unsaid between us. "Tell me," I begin. "What happened after I left all those years ago?"

"That doesn't matter," he says.

"It does to me," I said. "Before anything could happen, I want to know."

"Nothing is going to happen to you," he says. He sniffs. "The day that you left was the day that turned me upside down. I was scared to not have you in my life anymore because you were always there for me. My life wasn't the same anymore. Your mom had just passed. You left me, but the hardest part was knowing that you did share mutual feelings for me when I thought you didn't."

"Mutual?" I question as my brows crease. I mean. I heard that he liked me once, but I dismissed it because I never thought it could be true.

He chuckles a little. "I grew feelings for you too. It was during the summer before our last school year. After my grandmother died, your mum came to talk to me. She was scared that she might pass away and leave you alone, so she asked me to take care of you, and I was more than happy to do so, even though I didn't understand her tone until she explained us and our interaction. She said we were soulmates. And that scared me. I realized my affections for you were more than just platonic. I thought it was wrong to fall in love with my best friend, so I tried to get rid of them. I push myself away, thinking if I did, I wouldn't be scared to talk to you like we used to. Obviously, my actions didn't benefit anything. But I guess, I got what I wanted. I pushed you away. If only I had been straight with you..."

"But you and Cheryl?" I question.

"I did love her," he says. "And I thought for a short moment that my feelings for you were completely gone, but they weren't. When I realized that, I had already lost you. Everything just fell apart. I shut myself down. I couldn't open up myself to Cheryl anymore. I began to drink and smoke to relieve my problems. My parents moved away after I graduated and handed me the farm. They come to visit at least once a year. Not too long after, Cheryl broke our engagement and left me as well."

"Oh my..." I mumble. A lump forms in my throat, making it harder for me to breathe. "It's because I left that you became like this. It's my fault. I was the reason why you are broken. I shouldn't have left."

"No," he says. "I was the reason why you left. You were heart broken and did what you needed to do to mend your heart."

"I never did though," I confess. "I lied to myself. I told myself that I was okay. I thought I could move on to other guys, but when I tried, I couldn't help but felt myself resisting. I knew I had you in the back of my mind every time I went on a date. But I ignored it and told myself that you are happy with Cheryl and Bear. I wish I had stayed. I wish I was stronger back then. I wish many things right now..."