No Filter

Chapter LIV (54)

Ally's POV

Jade and I walked together on the sidewalk in the park. We were both watching Bear as he played with Freddy and some of other his friends. I rub my arms for some warmth from the chilly weather of January.

Jade looked over at the playground and chuckles. She shifts her eyes to the ground, smiling to herself. "What is it?" I ask.

She lifts her head and connects her eyes with mine. "Bear is adorable. I can't believe Liam had a kid when he was only nineteen. He's so young."

"Me neither," I said. "But I'm glad. Bear is a wonderful kid. Cheryl and him are doing a good job raising him, even though they aren't together."

Jade smiles, although I feel like something was bothering her. She frowns a little and nods her head. "What's the matter?" I ask.

She sighs heavily. "What if Bear doesn't accept me as a potential mother? He loves his mom very much."

"Almost all kids in Bear's situation has a hard time adjusting to that," I said. "Bear likes you already, so you don't have to worry about him not liking you. And you are going to be one of the most important people in his life if everything goes well with you two." I smile for her sake. Jade blushes though, and that made me happy.

"Thanks," Jade says. "You are so sweet. If everything goes well, you will be my maid of honor."

I chuckle at that thought, a little scared. "Well, don't think too far ahead. When's the first date?"

"Tomorrow night," she replies. "I'm excited. I feel like a teenager again." She lets out a small shriek. "My stomach is a little queasy. And I have jitters on my fingertips."

"I'm happy you're happy," I said. "Liam will treat you right." From what I've seen in the past, Liam has always been loyal, and I know that Jade is in good hands. I know that she is. Although, I do fear Liam might act up, considering the rage he has, but I hope he doesn't.

We walk to the field, changing the subject to our family and life in general. Jade gave me some sympathy for the loss of my mother, and she knows why I took this job as Bear's teacher. I found out more about her. We share some similar things, like our failure in relationships, tragedy in parents - her father died because of cancer - and our passion for performing. She would love to be a singer. I prefer both, but I originally went to school for acting. I've done some acting gigs during school, but my acting career has been put on pause for a while. Teaching Bear is my top priority at the moment.

About another hour, Jade and I decide it was time to go home. We got Bear and headed to the car. I was behind the wheels while Jade sat with Bear, playing with him.

After a few minutes, I park in front of the house and remove the keys from the ignition. We got out of the vehicle, and Jade leads Bear into the house. I stayed by the car, just thinking and staring down at the green grass.

"Ally?!" Jade raises her voice. I lift my head, a little puzzle. Jade stood in front of the door holding Bear's hand. She laughs at my confusion and asks, "Aren't you coming inside?"

I bat my eyes and reply, "I think I'm going to take a walk...to think. I should be back in a couple of minutes, so don't worry."

Jade nods her head and heads inside, letting Bear go in before her. I play with the keys before I begin my walk. Even though there were a lot going inside my mind, I didn't know what to think about. I stare at the woods, the mansion, and the leaves-less tree but nothing. Nothing was giving me...what I wanted from them. I wanted the woods to be more full. The mansion was just there, and I didn't really have much of an issue with it. The trees should be growing leaves and fruits, but spring wasn't here yet.

I stumble to the backyard and saw the fence that bordered the swimming pool. It was closed for the winter. I have never used it since I've been here. There wasn't any water in there. It was a big, empty hole. Just like what I fear inside of me. Maybe Liam was right. I am broken. And I haven't seen or think about it because I was too busy with the world around me.

I didn't know why I was broken. I just have a feeling that I can't explain. My heart has been stitching itself back together, but it just never seemed to have healed since then. I wish I knew. Then, maybe, I can fix it. I believe you can fix anything that is broken. It just needs time and patience. Patience is always key.

I sigh heavily. Liam and Jade have their date tomorrow night, and I should be happy for them. That's what I'm suppose to do as a friend. As the good girl. But I'm getting tired of being her. All she faced was torture. And I don't want to put myself through that again. If things go well with Jade and Liam, I will have to watch their love grow, and I can barely do the last time. How can I, this time?

What's happening to me? My heart aches. I get jitters in my stomach from just thinking. My throat is dry, and my head is spinning a little. Maybe, I'm overthinking.

"Boo!"

I shriek, flinching. A voice spoke next to my ear, and I jump step forward. I hear a laugh I knew too well. I spin around and see Liam cracking up. "Liam!" I exclaim.

I nudge his arm, and his laughter eases. He rubs the spot and wets his lips, amused. "Do I have to scare you for you to finally use my name?" He asks.

My eyes widen, and I cover my mouth. I seal my lips and breathe through my nose.

He chuckles a little. "Now you don't speak," he says. "Just as I presume."

"What?" I question.

"You're avoiding me," he says. "Why?"

I scoff lightly and shake my head. "I'm not avoiding you. I just..." He creases his brows as I pause. I saw the eagerness in his eyes for me to finish the sentence. "...have a lot of planning to do with lesson plans."

Liam nods his head skeptically. "Oh," he begins, "so then tell me what the lesson plans are."

"I would but I haven't been able to think," I said. "That's why I'm outside. It's my thinking space."

He sighs and consumes the air, and I feel awkward. It was weird, but the thought of him going out with someone made me even more cautious.

"What?" He asks, seemingly to have known the awkwardness.

"Nothing," I said. I switch the subject and ask, "Are you nervous?"

"For?" he asks.

"The date," I answer.

"No," he stares blankly. "Are you?"

Me? I crease my brows, not knowing what he meant. "No. Why would I be? You're going on a date with Jade. Not..." I catch my breath, realizing what I was going to say. But I said it anyway. "...not me. You're not going on a date with me."

I can see a hint of anger rising on his face when I said it. And I knew he did not like what I said it. But it was the truth.