Grave of Dead Dreams (COMPLETED)

29. Prayer

Ryoc’s POV

Have you ever loved someone so much, gave everything you have to them, cherished them, took them in your arms to protect and to be with them, but ended up being left alone?

Maybe.

Isa-isa kong pinagmasdan ang mga tao sa loob ng simbahan. Iba-iba. May pamilyang nakaupo sa gilid ko, isang tatay, isang nanay, at tatlong anak. Nakangiti sila habang nakikinig sa sermon ng pari. Pinagmamasdan ng lalaki ang asawa niya na parang ito ang pinakamagandang babae sa mundo.
Napangiti ako. Before we broke up, I used to stare at her in that way. The same intensity like how the husband stares at his wife.
We dreamt of a family like that. Magpapakasal kami, and then we'll have kids. And we'll live happily.
Somehow I felt incomplete staring at them like that. I don't want to mention her name, it became a taboo. Maha and I, though spending so many days looking for her, I can even barely remember the last time we mentioned her name.
Somehow I realized that when you lose something so precious to you, it'll be hard for you to move on. Para kang nawalan ng parte ng buhay mo. Like a book being torn by so many chapters. You'll feel incomplete. And hurt.

There are lovers in front of me sitting while holding each others' hands. The girl look contented. The boy, he looked ecstatic. We used to be like this, especially noong unang beses na sinagot niya ako. This was the time we built so many dreams. Imagined our future in our own perspective.
Pero kagaya nga ng sabi nila, mahirap pangunahan ang hinaharap. You'll never knew what would happen next. Sino ba namang mag-aakala? Six years going seven, smooth-sailing, walang problema, and then, three days before anniversary she just suddenly asked for cool-off, at sa mismong anniversary namin, nakipag-break siya. Siya na palaging nagsasabi na mamahalin niya ako ano man ang mangyari.

Sa kabilang parte ng simbahan may nakita akong matandang mag-asawa. Hawak-hawak ng matandang lalaki ang kamay ng asawa niya habang nakasandal ang ulo nito sa balikat niya. They looked so formed and matured by years they had been together.
Again, we saw our future like this. Dreamed of a tomorrow like this. We'll build our own family, mag-aalaga ng maraming-maraming mga apo, telling them how we ended up marrying each other.

It's pointless. Pointless on trying to figure out why she'd left when she's the only one who knows the answer.

Yeah.

Maybe I'm not the only one.

Maybe behind these faces eager to listen to the priest's sermon there's a woman who was dumped by her boyfriend. Or got cheated. There's a man like me who hasn't moved on yet. A person, trying to hide their pain. Their loneliness.
Maybe somewhere there's a soul who's trying to look for a way to end the pain. A person suffering on an illness. A person who just had a loved one passed away.
And it's funny how we only realize the joy we had when it's gone. How we suddenly feel the fear of being left alone when they'd already left. How dreams, in one snap, can be gone. Gone forever.
We thought we have forever in our hands, where in fact, we never owned time.
And realizations hit you right on your face, so hard that you'll still believe it's not yet over.

I'm not the only one.

I clasped my hand into prayer.
Lord, if ever, You can still hear me. Kung hindi Ka busy. I wanted to ask... No. I wanted to beg You. I know I'm not in the right position to question Your will. But Lord God, I can't live without her.She's all that I asked since I was a kid and up until now she's still the one person I love. Please, I beg, to see her again. Lord I wanted to be with her again. Mamamatay ata ako kung wala siya sa tabi ko. And she promised, right? Nangako siya na tutuparin namin ang mga pangarap namin. Lord, kahit siya na lang. Siya na lang, please. Lord, I want to know her reasons. I want to know everything. Then kung ayaw na niya talaga, I'll let her go. Please, Lord, just one last chance. One last chance.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I uttered my prayer. In desperation, I cry in front of Him.

Wishing the heavens would cross our paths again.