You Never Said Goodbye

Aftermath (there are no answers)

"Ch..ae..young...ah"

All at once, a million thoughts crossed my mind. Is that really her? What is she doing back? Why is she back? I love her. Did she see me? What do I do? What do I say? Chaeyoung-ah… I miss you.

Should I go up to her? Jennie, what about Jennie? I turned around to hide, to compose myself, to think. My palms were getting sweaty. I need to talk to someone, anyone.

I pick up my handphone and dial Seulgi’s number. Seulgi would know what to do. She always knew how to advise me when it came to any situation regarding Chaeyoung.

‘Come on Seulgi, pick up the phone… Hello, Seulgi.’ I whispered as she picked up the phone.

‘lisss.. Wassup? Why are you whispering?’

‘Erm… Seulgi, she’s back…’ And sure enough I heard silence.

Seulgi knew who I was referring to. There was no one else who would make me react this way.

‘…Lis, are you sure its her?’

Seulgi has a point. I used to imagine seeing her everywhere I went. I used to see her in every girl on the street. That forced me to turn around and really examine the girl in question. She was standing at the opposite end of the bus stop messaging on her pink handphone. Her hair was longer but nothing else had really changed about her. She still looked like Chaeyoung. She still looked like my chipmunk.

‘Yes its her.’

‘Are you going to talk to her’

‘I don’t think I can… I’m too confused right now. I’ve been waiting for her to turn up for years and now… I don’t know what to say.’

‘I think you should let this one go. Now you know she’s back in town. Calm down, sought out your thoughts and if you’re fated to meet than you will see her again.’

‘Seulgi, what does all this mean?'

‘Lis, I don’t have any answers for you. You gotta find the answers for yourself. And I think you should tell Jennie.’

‘Jennie, you’re right. I have to. But let me sought this out first? I’ll tell Nini when I know what to tell her’

‘Its your choice. But make the right one alright? I don’t want you to regret this.’

‘Thanks Seulgi. I needed that. I’ll keep you updated. Bye.’

I hung up and stared at the girl who broke my heart. All I could do was stare. She was perfect. The girl I would have given up everything for. I want to reach out to touch her just to make sure that I’m not dreaming this, but I can’t and I won’t. There’s just too many complications. I don’t know who she is anymore. I’ve changed and I know she’s definitely changed as well.

When I’m confronted with the truth that probably I don’t know her anymore, it hurts. I wonder if I ever really knew her at all.

She used to be my other half and now she’s a stranger. So I remain where I am and I watch as she boards her bus. The same bus I take to go to work. But I don’t board the bus with her. I decide that I need to let her go and take the other bus even if it means I’ll be late for work. Being in the same bus with her isn’t something I can bear right now.

As her bus leaves, I force myself to look away. I take out my handphone again to message Jennie. ‘Honey, I’m thinking of you.’ I just needed to send her a message to remind myself that I have a girlfriend and her name is Jennie, not Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung left me but Jennie is with me now. I don’t know this Chaeyoung anymore, but I know Jennie. I know Jennie.