You Never Said Goodbye

Absence

- 3 weeks later -

Jennie POV

Where is she today? Why isn’t she at her spot waiting for me today? Did something happen? I question as I enter the lobby of my office building. I look around the place trying to figure out if she actually is here but hiding or something..

I received her gift yesterday. She made a book for me. In it held pictures of us, and she wrote little notes in each page as well to highlight the events behind each picture or to tell me how she remembered something about me or learned something new about me. It was a collection of our memories that she made herself. I could see her in every detail of the book.

When I first saw it at my doorstep I hesitated to open the box which held it, the same way I hesitate to open every one of the gifts she leaves for me each weekend. But I fail to resist every time and yesterday wasn’t any different. I carefully removed the book from the box and sat down on my couch as I slowly flipped through each page.

There were pictures we took of us on dates, or with Seulgi and Irene. There were pictures she took of me when I wasn’t noticing. Pictures that showed me reading my books or sleeping or eating… I never knew she had a collection of these photos. I thought she only had photos like these with Chaeyoung. I guess I thought wrong…

A few of the pages held the lyrics of the songs we sang to each other. And she wrote down how she felt about all those songs. Her words were truthful and heartfelt.

“Nini, do you know how much I loved your voice. I loved that you sang ‘From the Heart’ to me because it told me that you understood me and you wanted to be with me regardless. I fell that much more in love with you that night. I wish I could hear you sing it to me again.”

“Baby, you do bring out the best in me like no one ever could. You’re like no other person I’ve ever met or known. I want to be better for you. I’m really trying to be better for you. Please let me be by your side and let me love you.”

“Jennie, I’m right here waiting for you. When you feel its time to end my suffering. When you feel its time that you can come back to me, I’ll be here. In our home, waiting for you.”

“Jennie-ah, I’m the one who is Blind, not you. I’m the one who watched helplessly as you left me. I can't take my eyes off of your pictures, can’t get you off my mind and I can’t stop loving you. Who would’ve thought I would be the one standing here waiting for you to come back to me this time around. I’ve neglected you and I’m so sorry. I do love you more than you’ll ever know, unless you give me another chance to show you. Don’t let our love go to waste. I love you and I know you love me too. Let’s both be Blind together this time around.”

Lisa, I still love you. I still want you. Its been almost 3 months and I still feel so much for you. I can’t keep you in a box. I want to though. I don’t want to go through all of that again. All that pain, heartache, uncertainty and loneliness. I’m scared that if I give us another chance you’ll end up hurting me again.

After all you’ve done these past months, I know that you’re waiting for me. I know that you know me more that I thought you did, more than any one else has bothered to. I know that you love me too. But it’s difficult to take that leap and hope you’ll catch me.

Now you’re not here waiting at the lobby, it scares me.

Suddenly a figure appears before me and I realize my date for tonight has arrived. ‘Hi Kai, I didn’t realize you were here.’

‘It’s alright Jennie-shi, you were looking for someone else?’ he asks. Darn it, I got caught. I guess I’ll have to avoid this since I have no idea how to answer him, I’m tired of lying to these guys.