You Never Said Goodbye

I'm Done

Jennie POV

Everyone keeps complimenting me on my performance. Everyone keeps telling how well I did. Everyone but Lisa.

She left to go talk to Chaeyoung and even though she said she’ll be back soon I’m just worried. Did I really do that badly in her eyes? Did she not like my song? It was the truth, I love her so much and I completely have no idea how I ended up in this situation we’re in. It was my one last shot at trying to convince Lisa and she’s not with me now but with Chaeyoung.

The message seems all too clear.

I know everyone’s just talking to me to distract me from the fact that Lisa and Chaeyoung aren’t around right now. They are covering up for them. I wish they weren’t. They’re making too much noise right now. I can’t explain it but everyone’s annoying me right now. Why did Lisa not react the way I wanted her to? Why did she only hold my hand? What is she talking about with Chaeyoung outside?

Eventually my curiousity gets the better of me and I get up.

‘Jennie-ah, where are you going?’ asks Irene.

‘Out.’

‘Er.. that’s not a good idea.. stay here.. its warm and there’s food.’ Says Seulgi.

‘I’m going out.’

‘Ok then we’re coming with you.’ replies Irene.

Again I’m frustrated.. I need them to stop treating me like I’m going to break. I know right now I might but I need them to stop treating me that way. And I need to find out what’s going on. So I’d rather not argue and get outside. If they want to follow me I can’t stop them. So I just turn around and walk towards the door.

Behind me I hear them scrambling to grab their belongings and follow.

As I step out I look to my left and right to look for them and once I spot them I walk towards them. Chaeyoung’s staring at the ground and Lisa’s walking up to her. I see Lisa pull Chaeyoung into a hug and as I walk closer I hear her say ‘Chaeyoung-ah, thank you. You know that I’ll always love you right?’

I need to breath. I need to get out of here now. I need to be away from them. I can’t think right now. I just need to go. My heart hurts… So I shout for the person I know I can count on right now.

‘Bae Joohyun! Get me out of here.. I want to leave now. NOW!’ and I run towards the direction of where the car is parked.

‘Nini wait.. you got it wrong. Its not what you think!’ yells Lisa as she runs to catch up with me. ‘Nini stop, let me explain. Stop! Please!’

I feel a hand grab my arm and yank me back and I feel her hugging me from the behind. ‘LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME LALISA!’ I yell as I struggle to get out of her hold.

But she has my arms locked by my side and her hold on me is so tight I can sense her desperation.

‘No I can’t. I choose you Nini. I choose you. I love you. Only you. I’m not letting go.’

‘No! Stop saying these things to me! You don’t mean them. You say these things only to keep me around! I heard you.. I heard you darn it! You said you’ll always love her so stop telling me lies! Let go of me!’

‘I’m not! I’m being honest Nini. Chaeng and I were just resolving things.’

‘Don’t lie to me! You told her you’ll always love her. I know what that means. That does not sound like you’re resolving anything. I’m not stupid. Please just let go of me.. let go of me please Lisa’ I feel myself start to break. My initial reaction is wearing out and I try to resist melting into her hug. I try to resist…

‘Let go please. I’m done Lisa. If you have any love for me let me go.’ I whisper.

‘What do you mean you’re done? Nini, we’re not done… we can begin… again.’ She says as she turns me around, cups my face in her warm hands and gazes into my eyes trying to convince me. I can see the sincerity, tears and fear in her eyes but I can’t. Just now was the last straw. I can’t…

‘Lis, I’m done. I can’t be in a relationship with you anymore. My heart can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore. It’s over.. we’re over.’

‘No Jennie, please don’t say that. I only just realized that I want you, I love you and I choose you. Don’t say we’re…’

‘We’re done. You only just knew but I’ve known that I want you for the longest time. I’ve done everything I can for you. There is no one who can say that I wasn’t understanding enough or that I didn’t give you enough space. I went above and beyond for you. I took everything you threw at me and forgave you because you meant that much to me. I came here for you. I went up on stage and sang for you. But no more. I’m done.’ I hold both her hands and remove them from their hold on my face and I step back.

Lisa looks devastated. She looks broken. And yet I can’t feel sympathy for her. I’ve been so emotionally drained that I can’t feel bad about doing this.

‘Jennie, Lisa is being honest here. We’re over.’ I hear Chaeyoung’s voice. I whip around to face her and I see her walking tentatively over.

‘You stay out of this. You’ve done more than enough already.’ I say as I shoot her with my coldest look. I don’t want to have to deal with this girl. I don’t ever want to see her again.

‘Chaeng stop. Enough. Jennie, just calm down and listen to me.’ Lisa continues to plead with me.

‘I told you I’m done. So I’m not listening to you anymore. Do you want to know how done I am?’ I take out my cell to dial a number and I wait for the person to pick up. The whole time Lisa just stands there not knowing what to do not knowing how to react. ‘Nini stop it. Don’t do..’

‘Hello Oppa!’ I say as I gather myself to put on this show. I look straight into Lisa’s eyes to make sure she knows I’m being serious about this ‘Its Jennie, I’m sorry if I’m calling late. Its just that I was thinking about your offer yesterday. If you’re still free tomorrow I wouldn’t mind hanging out or just having dinner.’ I fake a giggle to make it seem real and just to annoy Lisa. It makes me sick to the stomach to do this but I need to put on this show. I see her reach out to grab my hand and I step back to prevent her from doing so.

‘You’re free? Yay! Oppa, I’m fine with anything as long as I can spend time with you. Why don’t you think about it then message me to let me know the details? Goodnight Oppa, I can’t wait for tomorrow. Bye.’ I hang up.

‘You didn’t need to do that. Jennie. You didn’t need to. How can you let some filthy guy spend time with you? Do you not have any respect for our relationship?’

‘What relationship Lis? I told you I’m done. And if respecting our relationship was so important to you, why did you leave me that night to go to Chaeyoung’s? Why did you treat me the way you have the whole day?’

Lisa’s taken aback by my statement and I see her step falter as she tries to come near me again.

But this time I just walk on and when I get to Irene’s car I find its locked. ‘Joohyun-ah! Open the door please!’ I yell. Lisa’s still following me and I need to get away from her.

Immediately I hear the beep of the car unlocking and I rush to get in. As I wait for Irene to join me so we can drive off Lisa just stands by my window staring at me, looking so lost, so broken and so hopeless.

The pressure’s too much and I wipe away a tear that falls. I need to get away.