You Never Said Goodbye

It's hard to lie

Chaeyeoung POV

‘Home Sweet Home’ I whisper as I make a slow turn to survey my new apartment. It’s a small 1 bedroom apartment but since I’m alone and only recently employed as a music magazine editor it’ll have to do.

Its good to finally have my own place but I do feel lonely. Its too quiet in here. Its new and “unlived” in. The apartment does not have history; it does not have love in it. All at once I start to miss Lisa and how she was always in my apartment before I left. I miss how she filled any place with her presence. But I don’t regret leaving Korea, I only regret the way I left.

Anyway, Joy started executing her plan on 2 days ago, so she’s more weird than usual. I’m sure Yeri will be staying over at her place and vice versa more often now that romance is in the air for them. I didn’t want to get in the way so I rushed my apartment rental and the moving.

An unpacked box catches my eye and I move across the room to open it. Before I see its contents I know what the box holds – my memories. I take out the picture frames, the gifts, the trinkets etc. these things are material documentation of Lisa and I.

I’ve never been able to throw them away, they follow me everywhere I go. I start to move around the apartment placing these items around the apartment. When I’m done the apartment no longer feels as lonely.

Suddenly my handphone goes off and I check the message that was sent.

‘I’m getting on a plane to join you in Korea. Pick me up at the airport at 8pm tmr – Chu’

Huh? Jisoo’s coming? Well… I guess its good that I moved out of Joy’s then. Jisoo’s gonna need a place to crash at. Its good to have another friend around.

Jisoo POV

This is by far the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life and believe me I’ve done some pretty crazy stuff. I never thought I’d be someone who would follow the person I love halfway across the world, but here I am on a long flight preparing to get my heart stomped on again just so I can be there for her. I really am pathetic.

But she was so adorable and eager to learn when she first turned up at my dance class in LA. Her agent told her she needed to be an all rounded performer who could dance as well as sing so she signed on. She actually wasn’t that bad. Sure her movements could’ve been sharper and she could’ve been better at keeping count and remembering the steps but she learned fast.

She told me she had a regular gig at a pub along Chinatown and invited me to check it out, so I did. I called some friends for drinks and headed down. To say I was blown away doesn’t even come close to describing how much she impressed me. After her last set she headed over to my table and talked over drinks.

That’s how Chaeyoung and I became friends. How I started to fall for her? Well, who wouldn’t? There are times where she smiles at me and I’m left speechless. She's the sweetest most loving person i know. She just can make me happy. Before her I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as much or been as happy.

I started going for all her gigs, I never got tired of her voice. We got close but we never got as close as I wanted.

Flashback

‘Chaeng, great set. Wanna share a cab back’

‘Of course Chu, but lets grab some late night pizza first? I’m Starving.’

We head off to get supper and I’m nervous cos there’s something I need to ask and I think I know the answer but I guess I have to hear it. We’ve know each other for a year and a half and for the most part of that time I’ve been in love with her.

As we sit at a table at the pizza place at 1am I finally muster up the courage to talk ask her out.

‘Chaeng, would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow? I know its sudden but yea, if you don’t have plans…’

She hesitates as she considers how to reply. That 30 seconds were one of the toughest to bear. But finally…

‘Chu, I’d love to hang out with you tomorrow… but only as friends.’ Her answer wasn’t unexpected but it was still difficult to hear.

‘its about her isn’t it? Lisa. You still love her’

‘Yes, I do. And it wouldn’t be fair for me to lead you on in this. I don’t want to be that kind of person Jisoo. I don’t wanna… there’s no space in my heart for another love, but there’s place for a dear friend.’

She puts her hand over mine and her eyes plead with me to just go with this. And I let it go because I know she needs a friend and I know I’d rather be her friend than nothing at all.

‘So how long have you known, friend?

‘Awhile, but that’s not important. What’s important is that I’m going out with my friend tomorrow and we’re gonna have fun right?’

‘right.’

She starts to clear the mess we made at our table. She knows I need some space to deal with this. Her consideration of my feelings reaffirm the reasons why I think she’s perfect. But as I watch her while she busies herself, I tell myself that I’ll stay by her side no matter what. Even if she’s not mine I’ll be hers because she is worth it.

Flashback ends

We remain friends and I watch her pursue her passion for singing and performing with a fire I rarely see. Its like she was trying to prove something – to herself and to everyone. She desperately wanted to succeed. Perhaps it was because she didn’t want to think she left her life and love behind for nothing.

But finally she gave up. She gave herself a 3 year limit and after 4 years she finally gave up.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t talented or that she didn’t have star quality, its just that America just wasn’t ready for an Asian singer. Tragic and but true. And I suppose it was also because she missed Lisa too much. I stood at her side for 3 and a half years but she couldn’t stay for me. I wasn’t enough of a reason to stay. So I watched her leave me. I helped her leave me; I helped her get her travel arrangements done, I helped her pack, I even sent her to the airport. I watched her leave me.

I knew she was having a hard time because she didn’t succeed even after throwing everything she had into it. And she was worried about her homecoming. Over the years she told me about herself and her life in korea. She told me about Lisa and how in love they were. She also told me how she left. I try not to judge her but I think she’s right to worry about going back.

I’m worried about seeing her now. She probably knows why I’m going to korea to meet her but I don’t really care about that. She needs a friend and I was the closest she had over the past 3 and a half years. Whatever comes will come so I’ll just take it in stride. As long as she’s happy in the end that’s enough for me.

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Darn it…. Its hard to lie.