You Never Said Goodbye

Awkward

Chaeyoung POV

I can’t say I wasn’t hurt when I walked into the living room and saw Lisa and Jennie lying in each others arms on the couch. It was blatant proof that she’s not mine anymore. With my own eyes I saw her in another person’s arms. It was never like that.

She used to only be mine. That spot next to her was mine.

I saw the guilt written all over her face when she sprang up off the couch upon my appearance. I guess that’s one of the problems right now. She feels like she’s cheating on the both of us every time she’s with either of us. And its true, I can’t help but feel like she’s cheating on me as well. I purposefully stayed away from relationships while I was in America. And she got into one, a serious one. A relationship that causes her to doubt our future together.

Of course I know that we were in different contexts. I know that she was clueless and shattered when I left her. I know that my actions hurt her and changed her. I know that I had no right to tie her heart to me because I was the one who left her and put her through all that. But in my deluded mind I believed that she would wait for me. I believe that I was the only one for her and that she would hold on. But seeing her with Jennie, I know she’s found someone else to replace me. It feels so defeating.

I completely did not expect her to be here. I thought I was the only one who found out. Questions start running through my mind. Like, has Lisa already made her decision? How long has Jennie been here? What am I going to do now? How am I supposed to act? I’m not the girlfriend here.. not anymore.

Jennie is.

And Lisa ran. She ran as fast as she could to escape being there with us. I watched her pull that girl Wendy into the room and slam it shut. I just felt like crying then. She ran… I turn to look at my surroundings and it’s a nice house. Decorated with a lot of weird frogs but its nice, cozy.

My eyes finally rest on Jennie and I take my first good look at her. She’s draped herself over the couch and is very obviously ignoring me. She’s has this aura of indifference and elegance with a touch of aloofness. But she’s pretty. She’s very pretty. And she’s slim with brunette hair. She looks so good with her style. Not many asian girls can pull it off. I doubt I could do it as well as she does.

I can’t help but compare us. I can’t help but try to figure out Jennie’s appeal and why Lisa is with her. Why Lisa finds it so hard to leave her and come back to me. I refuse to believe that Lisa and I can’t go back to the way we were.

Despite reality and all the evidence that states otherwise I can’t help but want to cling onto the memories of the way we were. I can’t help but want that again.

I overhear Lisa over the phone yelling at Joy and then at Irene. I hear her panic; her being distraught, her demands to not be alone with us. It hurts. Did I really do the wrong thing by coming here?

The girl Wendy who was dragged into the room with Lisa comes out of the room and introduces herself. She offers to get me drinks and I smile and thank her out of courtesy. I am in her house and its only polite. I don’t know what to do. I can still hear Lisa on the phone with Irene and she’s desperate for someone to join us.

Wendy starts playing her guitar but in the state that I am in I don’t think the most soothing of melodies can ease me. And when she asks about the weather I can’t bring myself to reply because I honestly can’t be bothered about the weather.

Knowing that I have to spend a day with Jennie and Lisa as well I guess I have to make the best of it. So I introduced myself to Jennie and I tried to talk to her. But wow.. the girl is cold. I suppose I deserve it though. My presence did turn her world upside down. I would hate me if I were her. But for the sake of today and for Lisa I know I have to be careful to not provoke Jennie. It would be bad if we started fighting. I don’t want to do that. Fighting isn’t the way to win Lisa back. I’ve gotta control and learn to deal with seeing Lisa and Jennie together today. I’m not her girlfriend here, Jennie is.

But I need to somehow show Lisa that I love her and I can’t do that if Jennie’s around. I’m sure Jennie has something up her sleeves as well. I guess I’ll just have to figure it out along the way.

Wendy suddenly appears in front of us with a plate of cut fruits. I didn’t even notice that she’d left. I guess I was too lost in my thoughts. ‘Thank you Wendy-shi, you didn’t have to’ I pick an apple and proceed to eat but I can only bring myself to take small bites. I don’t really have much of an appetite right now.

Lisa finally comes out of the room. She looked all timid and yet a little determined as she stepped out. I even saw her do a little fist pump. She’s still so cute.

She walked over to the couch where Jennie and I are sitting and plumped herself in the middle. Her back was straight and her hands were places flat on her thighs. Her posture said it all. She hadn’t decided yet and she was doing her best to not give us the impression that she favored one over the other.

Seeing how awkward and tense everything was she turned on the television. It helps I suppose, the background noise drowned the silence and at least now there’s something we can focus our attention on.

‘So, how did you get here?’ she asks.

‘Bus’ answers Jennie and I in unison.

I look over to her and I see her glaring at me. Goodness this girl really needs to chill. Ok that may not be the best term cos she oozes ice but yea she needs to chill.

‘Ok, let try this another way’ whispers Lisa. ‘Chaeng-ah, how did you know I was here?’ she asks.

‘er.. well.. I kinda looked into Joy’s handphone.’ I answered as I looked away trying to avoid meeting Lisa’s accusatory gaze.

‘I knew it was Joy. Well Chaeng, don’t you think that was abit.. how do I put it.. wrong?’ she replies.

‘I’m sorry.’ I apologise

‘Sigh.. Don’t just apologise to me, you should apologise to Joy too. I yelled at her just now.’ She says.

‘I know, I heard. I’ll apologise later when she comes.’ I answer.

She pats my knee in acknowledgment. Its just a small action that is probably unintentional and unimportant. But somehow her touch and her approval makes me feel as if I’ve done right. It makes me smile.

Seeing her again I can’t help but ask ‘Lisa-yah.. how’ve you been? You look like you’ve lost weight.’ I cup her face with the palm of my right hand and gaze at her. ‘ You’re doing ok right?’ from the corner of my eye I can see Jennie as she purposefully ignores us by turning away.

‘I’m ok Chaeyoung-ah. Wendy makes sure I eat and she nags when I don’t take care of myself. Isn’t that right Seungwan-ah?’ I turn to Wendy and she’s blushing.

Slowly Lisa removes my hand from her face and she turns to Jennie and asks ‘er.. Nini, how about you? How did you know I was here?’ she asks Jennie. I can’t help but look over to observe their conversation.

‘There’s no need to get upset with me Lisa-yah. I asked Irene and she told me the address. There’s no need to blame her, I didn’t make it easy for her. Anyway I don’t see anything wrong with visiting my girlfriend who I haven’t seen in 2 months. I was worried and I missed you’ Jennie replies. She eyes hold a softness in them but they nevertheless challenge Lisa to make an issue of her being in the house. And sure enough Lisa just nods her head in acceptance.

Jennie is something else. I honestly take my hat off to this girl.

It doesn’t seem like she scared of anything. Of course she keeps calling Lisa her girlfriend, which is very very annoying but then again I get why she’s doing that. They are in a relationship and Jennie obviously likes reminding Lisa and I of that status.

Suddenly I hear Jennie call me ‘Chaeyoung-shi, so why are you here? When are you leaving?’ she asks in a sickly sweet voice. I can’t help but cringe.

OMG, did she really ask me that? She’s lucky I’m nice and unwilling to tear her up with my fingernails because Lisa’s here. I clutch both my hands into a fist as I restrain myself from answering back with angry words.

‘Ha Ha Ha… this show is so funny. Come on girls.. lets just watch this show. Isn’t it entertaining Wendy? Ha ha ha..’ Lisa says. Its so obvious she’s trying to change the topic and disperse the tension.

I turn my head back to the television and realize that the show on is some construction documentary. Seriously? That’s what Lisa thinks is funny? The world has gone crazy. Joy-ah, Yeri-ah where are you?!?