You Never Said Goodbye

Do what you have to do

Note: long chapter ahead

Chaeyoung POV

Jisoo was acting weird tonight after disappearing to the kitchen. She left with a large box and came back 2 hours ago telling me to be prepared to fight for what I want. I tried to ask her to explain what she meant; I tried to get answers but she just grabs a bottle of beer and sits in front of the television. She doesn’t want to talk and she seems to be waiting for something. What’s going on?

Suddenly the doorbell rings and she gets up to answer it. She opens the door and Lisa is there.

‘So you decided to come.. Chaeng-ah I’m going off don’t worry bout me ok. And remember what I told you.’ Jisoo grabs her jacket wallet and handphone. She nods at Lisa who’s still standing at the door looking at me and walks out closing the door behind her.

Lisa looks horrible. I can tell she was crying cos her face is red and puffy. She’s wearing a coat over her shirt and shorts, the kind a person wears to bed. And she just stands there looking at me; not saying a word. But at least she’s looking at me.’

‘Lil.. Lisa, what are you doing here? Its late…’

She suddenly crosses the distance between us and kisses me. I’m in complete shock. How? Why? So many questions flood my mind but I decide to push them aside and just kiss her back. The one I love, the one I miss is here in my arms kissing me and it feels so good. It finally feels like I’m home again. This is where I belong. In my Lisa’s arms.

As she kisses my neck she tells me ‘I’ve missed you so much chipmunk, so so much. I loved you. I still love you’

‘Lili.. I love you too.’

We kiss with a hunger and need borne of years of deprevation. I maneuver us towards my bed room and she slides her hand under my shirt to grab my waist. Her touch feels so good. She looks me in the eye and I can see her passion and need as well. I remember that look, it always sets me on fire. We remove our shirts and we come together in a clash.

As we break apart for breath I tell her, ‘Lisa I’m sorry, I love you so so much. I missed you so much. I shouldn’t have left like that..’

‘shhh… no more talking..’

She kisses me again, this time more tenderly, savouring and enjoying. I push her onto the bed and I join her there afterwhich she rolls me over determined to take the top like she always does. I rest my hands on her hips as we continue to kiss. Slowly my hand moves down to rest on her behind. I know she likes it.

‘oh… Nini…’

Immediately, I remove my hands from her and stop kissing her.

I freeze. ‘oh Nini? What did you just call me?’ I push her off of me and rush into the bathroom. She called me Nini. Why? It hurts and I can’t breath. ‘Chaeng-ah I’m sorry I didn’t mean to’ I can hear your voice from outside the door. ‘please come out. Please Chaeyoung-ah. I’m sorry.’

You continue to knock and plead with me. But I can’t go out looking the way I do. Without my shirt, crying and heartbroken.

We were so intimate and you said someone else’s name. Finally I compose myself. I need my answers. I shouldn’t have let you just sweep me off my feet like that. We should have talked first and that is what I now intend to do. I wrap a towel around my shoulders and open the door.

You’re kneeling on the floor beside the door. You’ve put your shirts back on already and you look at me dejectedly; completely broken and helpless. You stand up and hand me my shirt. I take it, turn around, remove the towel and put on my shirt. I take a deep breath before I turn back around and then I say ‘we need to talk’. I move past you and I sit on a chair at the dinning table. I need to put some space between us right now. If you do so much as touch me again I know I wouldn’t be able to think rationally. Its too easy for me to lose myself in you.