You Never Said Goodbye

I'll let you go

- 2 weeks later -

Chaeyoung POV

I’m at Starbucks waiting for Lisa. We arranged to meet today. It’s going to be awkward after everything that happened but I know she didn’t mean it. I know… I do still want to be friends though, I know its crazy but I do. After all we’ve been through, first as friends than as lovers, after that.. well you know after that.. I think we’ve been through so much together that it doesn’t make any sense for us to become strangers. Still, boundaries have been put in place and this time around I know the 2 of us will respect those boundaries.

I told Jisoo about everything that happened. How I went to try and get Lisa back, how I finally let her go and how I got yelled at. She didn’t say much, she just held me and let me cry in her arms like she always does. Why do I feel so safe in her arms? Why do I let her comfort me when I know it hurts her to see me hurting?

When I got back I was inconsolable. The weight of all that had happened, the guilt over all that I had caused, the regret over.. over everything it was crushing. But she was there with me all the way. She was there to just hold me. Yeri and Joy popped by whenever they could to spend time with me so that I didn’t remain trapped in my memories, guilt and regrets. But the one who held the lifeline with Jisoo. She was the one who threw out the life ring and kept pulling, kept trying to bring me back to shore, to safety, into her arms. Whenever I’m in her arms I know things will turn out alright in the end, yet being in her arms… I feel so indebted to her.

I had already hurt her so much. When I told her of how Lisa and I had nearly made love that night she came over, I could visibly see her disappointment. I know it took a lot for Jisoo to have gone to Lisa’s to pass her that box of cds of my gigs in America. I know it took a lot of her to have to stand there and watch me pursue Lisa like that. I know Jisoo loves me. I pretend not to notice but I know. Ever since she arrived in Korea and even in America she’s been by my side; she’s been my shoulder to cry on and my pillar of support. I don’t know how I would’ve survived if she wasn’t here. I’m entirely grateful to her. Lately she’s been more obvious with her feelings and acting a little secretive.

Flashback

‘Chu, could you come here and help me bring these boxes to the trash downstairs please?’ I request as I place the last picture frame into the box. I try to blink back the tears that threaten to spill. Packing all the stuff away. I know I have to but it is just so difficult.

Jisoo steps out of her room in a tank top and hot shorts showing off her lean and toned figure. I feel my mouth dry up just a little bit. ‘Sure Chaeng. Hey are you alright? Why are you crying again? what’s in those boxes? You’ve got like 4 boxes here.. that’s a lot of things to trash. Is this what’s making you upset?’ she asks.

‘They’re… memories.’ I reply as I look across the room at the bookshelf that suddenly seems interesting. I feel Jisoo’s gaze on me, expecting me to further explain but I can’t. There’s no other way to explain it than that. I was packing everything that reminded me of Lisa and our relationship. I’m going to throw them away because that’s just the way things have to be. It’s time to fully let go and move on. I feel the onslaught of tears rising and I blink my eyes rapidly in an attempt to hold them back. As discretely as possible, I wipe away the tears that did escape.

‘Right.. I’ll just bring them down.’ Jisoo replies as she places her comforting hand over mine and then pulls me in for a hug. She understands I suppose and I’m glad she’s not pushing. She never does. Jisoo breaks off the hug and kisses my forehead afterwhich she picks up one of the boxes and stacks it on top of another before lifting both boxes. ‘Chaeng-ah, help me with the door and get the lift will you? Oh and I’m going out for a bit later on. But I’ll be back before dinner, so don’t try to cook. I’ll do it.’