Stonehearts 5: Emerald

Thirty Four

I was silent when we went around the store to complete the ingredients. I was silent when he pushed the cart in line to the cashier. I was silent when he loaded the goods at the back seat of my car. I was still silent when we arrived at the unit.

Ilang beses na niya akong tinanong kung okay lang ba ako, and he grew more and more frustrated every time I ignored him and chose to be quiet.

Agad ko namang inumpisahang ayusin ang mga pinamili namin nang inilapag niya ang lahat ng iyon sa kitchen counter. He just watched me while I stuffed the goods in their proper places. Nang natapos na ako saka siya nagsalita.

"Mag-usap nga tayo." Sambit niya. He has his arms crossed to his chest. Frustration heavily evident in his voice and face.

Tinignan ko lang siya saka umiling bago ako dumiretso sa sala para pakawalan si Oreo.

Sinundan naman niya ako. While our dog is very much happy to see us, Cael's angry mood is quick to overshadow the good vibes from Oreo.

"Era, kausapin mo ako." He again tried, adamant to his mission. I looked at him and I know in a few seconds he's gonna blow.

"Wala ako sa mood makipag-usap." Those were the first words that left my mouth every since the incident from the grocery.

He pursed his lips as he tried to control his temper. "Ano ba ang problema, Emerald?"

"Tayo." I clipped at I sat on the couch.

He immediately went beside me and held my hands in his. "Anong tayo?"

Tinitigan ko siya ng matagal. 'Yong katahimikan para akong sinasakal. 'Yong kabog ng dibdib ko sobrang lakas at sobrang bigat na para bang mababali na ang ribs ko.

Inagaw ko ang kamay ko sa kanya saka ako muling nagsalita. "Naka-move on ka na ba?" Lakas-loob na tanong ko.

He looked at me in disbelief before he stood up and started to pace in front of me. Ilang beses niyang inihilamos ang palad niya sa mukha niya, 'yong yabag niya bumibigat ng bumibigat sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa niya.

"Nakabangga mo lang ang ex ko sa grocery and then you thought that I deserve this?" He said when he finally found his voice.

"Hindi mo sinagot ang tanong ko, Cael."

"Oo, Emerald. Naka-move on na ako sa kanya. Matagal na." He seethe.

At this very moment, I wasn't ready to back down. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. I heard what I wanted to hear. But somehow the fear inside me transformed into an anger without reasons.

"Bakit hindi mo ako pinakilala sa kaniya kanina?" I accused him even though I have no right to do so. Hindi naman kami. Fvck, ni hindi ko nga alam kung ano kami kahit na nakatira na kami sa iisang bubong.

Napahinto siya sa paglalakad. He stared at me, incredulity evident in his expressive eyes. "Bakit hindi kita pinakilala? Are you really asking me that question? Bakit hindi kita pinakilala? Unang-una, Era. Kung nakita mo lang ang itsura mo kanina you will also do what I did. Para kang nakakita ng multo, hindi ka gumagalaw, your face almost white, your hands cold while you sweat profusely. Sa tingin mo maiisip ko pang ipakilala ka kay Amy at Cube? Kaya kita inilayo, I tried to get you far from them as possible knowing that their presence caused you to shut down."

Saka siya napailing. Pumameywang siya at tumingala, looking blankly at the ceiling. "Bakit hindi kita pinakilala" He echoed.

I was quiet for a while before I muttered. "I would like to be alone tonight."

He was quick to look at me, fire burning in his eyes. "That's it? You are shutting me off. Pambihira ka, Emerald. You are punishing to a thing that I wasn't even responsible to. Let me ask you the same question, ikaw ba naka-move on na?"

His words rang inside my head countless of times while I command my tears not to fall.

"I don't know why you are acting like this considering the fact that I have been open about me and Amy. Wala akong itinatago sa'yo, Era. Lahat sinasabi ko. Pero ikaw, mukhang marami pa. Mukhang sobrang dami pa. Lahat ginagawa ko para sa'yo, para lang makatakas ka na diyan sa madilim na mundo na kinabibilangan mo."

"Stop. Stop it." I begged, covering my ears with my hands. I don't want to hear any of this.

"Ilang beses akong kamuntikan sumuko, pero sa tuwing nakikita ko 'yang ngiti mo. Naalala ko na kaya ako nandito ay para sa'yo. Para sa mga akap mo, para sa mga halik mo, para sa mga ngiti mo, para sa pagmamahal mo. Era, nagmumukha na akong gago kakasuyo sa'yo. Mukha-"

"Kung pagod ka na pwede ka nang umalis." Putol ko sa mga sinasabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nakakuha ng lakas ng loob sabihin sa kanya 'yon.

He shook his head and smiled a sad smile. "You know what you are, Era? You're a fvcking coward. You're afraid to set your foot forward and keep letting your past hurl you back. You keep on throwing my past, my useless past on my face even though it's you who still haven't let go of her monsters. Amy? You've got all worked up on Amy? Amy who haven't been on my mind since you and me happened. Ikaw na lang tumatakbo sa isip ko, Era. Wala ng iba."

If this was a normal conversation, I'd melt in front of him in an instant. But right now, with every word he says, I feel like the distance between us keeps growing and growing.

"All I wanted was for you to live again, Era. For you to breathe the beauty of life with me by your side. Kaso patuloy mo akong sinasaktan. I'm only human, Era and I bleed like the rest of us."

I saw a lone tear escaped his eye before he turned his back on me and went to get his shoe from the rack. I was frozen on my seat, not able to move. He's gonna leave me. This is what I wanted right? I specifically wished for this a few words back. But why do I feel like my heart is breaking now that he's gonna do it?

I suddenly felt something heavy on top of my chest, crushing it making it hard for me to breathe. I want to shout his name and ask him to stay but I can't. I don't know why I can't.

He was already by door, his hand on the handle before he turned around to face me.

"Do you love me?" He blatantly asked. It's the moment of truth. I opened my mouth, determined to answer but no words came out so I closed it again.

Pain crossed his handsome face. He smiled one more time, a smile that didn't hit his eyes. A smiled enough to shatter my heart into a million tiny pieces.

"I wished I could unkiss you so you can unbreak my heart."

The door shut with a thud. His last words hung over me like a dark cloud and before I knew it, my sobs echoed my unit.

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GAHHHH!!! I MISS YOU BB @smwaminal ❤❤❤❤