YouTuber imagines

Empty Minded

Max

So I've been gone. I've been busy and this imagine kind of explains how I've been doing too. Just enjoy if you can
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~Y/N POV~

I've called in sick for the second time now. I was laid on the couch with my phone in hand. Music played through my headphones filling the silence in my house. Ignoring every call and text that comes through my phone. I thankfully live alone so I'm not bothered. It was 12:00 and light barely filtered in the living room. The lights were off and I was watching anything on YouTube to distract the aching in my body.

I was stuck to the couch. I'm not even sure how I got up from my bed. My brain immediately flooded with thoughts that were destroying me.

'What are you doing with your life?'

'No one likes you. They feel sorry for you cause you're ugly and fat'

'If you die anyway and no one will remember you what's the point in trying and living?'

My brain wouldn't shut off so I pulled myself onto my couch and I've been here for hours obviously.

I stop thinking about how I pulled myself out of bed this morning and what's going on in my head and try to refocus onto the video. Then a notification pops up onto my screen and I try to ignore it but something pulls my eyes to the words.

Max: Hey Y/N. Hope you feel better! Everyone misses you. Me included hah. Everyone's also worried cause you're ignoring them. Text me.

I let the notification pass and close my phone. The music starts up again and I close my eyes, hoping to sleep just so I won't have to be awake. The hours have gone by so slowly I don't know what to do but I'm not going to do anything.

My brain dies down and now nothing flies through my head.

My body refuses to feel something besides exhaustion and refuses to work or function.

I wish I had enough energy to get up and close the blinds. The light hurts my head and I gain a headache. I can't even explain how I feel physically or mentally. All I know is that I'm not ok.

A knock on my door pulls me out of my blank state of mind and thoughts race through my head once again. I don't move.

'Maybe they'll think I'm not home'

"Y/N! I know you're there! Your car is here." I immediately recognize the voice. It belonged to Max. The guy I happen to have a crush on. Even saying that makes me sound like I'm 13.

I don't move and try to ignore him knocking on my door.

'Please just go away. Please...'

I wanted to scream. His knocking met the beat with the pounding in my head. The world started swirling and colors started mixing. I tangle my fingers into my hair. Something was definitely wrong at this point and I didn't care. I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to go back to normal. As if on cue, the knocking stops. The world stops spinning and my headache dulls down the slightest bit. I untangle my fingers from my hair and lay facing the couch. Heavily breathing into the fabric I hear my front door open. Not that afraid of whatever or whoever it is at this point I let it enter.

"Y/N?" Someone calls out. I hold my breath. It's Max. He knows where my extra key is. The door shuts and his footsteps enter the living room.

"Y/N? What's going on? Are you ok? Why haven't you texted anyone?!" He exclaims. I cringe and cover my ears his loud voice empowering my headache. He stops in front of me and kneels.

"Hey Y/N." He whispers and turns me away from the couch to face him. "What's going on?"

I shake my head at him and reply with a simple "I'm tired and sick"

He looks at me in disbelief as I haven't moved from this spot since 4am and he could see that. He could see there was something clearly wrong. I wasn't going to tell him. My problems aren't his and no one needs to know or care about them except for me. This is my problem, it's my fault.

"Please tell me what's wrong."

I shake my head at him once again.

"Max. It's nothing. I'm sick. Just like I told Adam." I whisper and try to turn back into the couch. He grabs my shoulder and keeps me facing towards him. He puts his hand on my forehead and frowns.

"You're a little hot but not enough to be sick. Seriously what is wrong?" He asks another time.

I sit up. I'm so close to snapping and that's exactly what I don't want. I don't want to say what's on my mind because I don't want people's false opinions about how it's gonna get better. Or how this is temporary. I don't want people to tell me how they feel better or I should see a professional! No these are my feelings and no one else's! No one needs to know how I feel about something!

He stares at me wide eyed.

"That's what's going on?" He asks.

'Did I say all of that out loud?'

"Y/N."

"Don't Max. Just don't. I don't feel ok alright! I'm empty and exhausted and numb! Can you please not give me some uplifting speech about how much you love and appreciate my existence and how everyone else in the office does. I get that but not right now. I don't need all of that bullshit because it's not helpful when you're not me. So please If would just not say anything." I somehow force out of my throat. I lay back down trying to ignore the headache severely pounding in my skull. I rub my temples and Max stands up and walks into the kitchen. I face the couch once again and wrap my arms around a pillow. Max comes back and taps my shoulder. I let out a sigh and turn around to face him. He hands me some painkillers and a bottle of water. On the table is soup. I look at him with a 'why are you doing this look'. He smiles and just shakes his head at me.

I sit up and take the painkillers. Max snuggles onto the couch and pulls me into him. He doesn't turn on the tv, or puts on music, instead he just holds me close and let's the outside noise fill the space even if it was dim. I just sat in his arms and tried to sleep, hoping to forget what was racing through my mind and what I was and wasn't feeling.

The night ended with Max sleeping over in my room with me hoping to fix whatever I was feeling

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So this is how I've been feeling lately and I've been busy. Thankfully I've had prewritten stories so even after those 6 days I could've posted but if I didn't post y'all would've been without a post for like a week. So be thankful for the post two days ago. Sometimes this book is why I feel like this, sometimes it just adds on to why I feel like this. Does anyone actually read this book?