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Im not sorry

I missed you. I missed the feeling of you holding me.

I watched you walk in with her. What does she have that I don't? Why don't you love me anymore? Why did I lose?!

I walked in the opposite direction if you. You hadn't seen me yet and I hope it stays that way.

I stepped outside needing the fresh air before I collapsed. I was on the edge. I couldn't feel anything. Not even the cold of the wind against my face. It was so easy. I stared out to the town. I turned back to the party watching people in the house dance and listened to the base bump. How convenient for me. I turned back to the town and the cliff.

It wouldn't hurt would it?

No. Not as much you did me.

Never as much you did me.

I rolled up my sleeves taking one last good look of what you've done before I made my final decision. Everything was planned. I had left a note scavenger hunt for my family just in case. I didn't really plan to back down anyway.

I put my hands on the railing until you walked out.

"Oh hey"

Why? Why did you have to stop me!

I couldn't say anything just nodded.

"You ok?"

Just another nod.

"Look at me. Are you sure you're ok?" You gripped my shoulders and turned me around.

Nod. Just nod.

"I'm really sorry by the way. What happened between us."

No you're not.

"I know I said some harsh things but I didn't mean them."

Yes you did.

"I hope you can forgive me."

I didn't want to but I already did.

Just another nod.

We never made eye contact.

You sighed.

"Hey can you look at me?"

I don't move.

You pull my chin up.

Those damn eyes. Those damn eyes I used to love, I do love. I can see it in your face. They're empty. Empty of the love you once had for me. I hate that I still love you. But I don't feel anything for you either. You left me stone cold.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

What's the point? I'm done with life anyway. Should I tell you?

I turn and walk back to the railing. I climb up and sit down facing you once again. I could see your eyes hold fear for two seconds, like you actually cared.

"No. No I'm not." I can't believe I'm about to do this.

"You left. You say you're sorry but you're not. I know you're not. Your eyes are empty. Just like when I met you. I'm empty. I miss you. You don't want me though, you want her. I can respect that but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Im sick of feeling so broken. I'm sorry." I stand up.

"Wait! Don't do what I think you're going to do!"

"I'm sorry"

I lean back.

"I still love you!"

I chuckle.

"No you don't."

I'm falling. I can hear you scream. I could feel the air of your hand just barely missing me. I know you saw the scars by the way you screamed. I hope you know deep down you caused this no matter how empty and drugged you are. You think you could help but I can see right through you.

I'm not sorry.