Everything I love about you. {Binwoo} {Astro}

Twenty-Eight

I honestly didn't want to yell at him. I truly didn't. Just seeing him made something snap inside me and, no, I didn't feel anger toward him. I could never feel angry towards Sanha. Out of all people, he never did something to me where I could get angry about. I shouldn't have yelled at him the way I did, and it was way out of hand, but tormenting myself with thoughts about the event wasn't going to help.

Thoughts are stupid, and it sucks because thinking is something no one can escape. It's one of those things that can easily dig deep into you and pick at you. Depending what you're thinking of, of course. But even then my thoughts still seem to find their way to spiral off from the positive right into the negative, no matter how hard I try to distract myself.

"Fuck!" I curse silently within my breath again as I rub my naked arms filled with goosebumps. I hadn't realized up until now that it was so cold outside already. I sigh, seeing a little white cloud escape my mouth. When did this happen? The last time I checked, it was still warmer than this. I hadn't brought my winter coat to school, just my hoodie that I had thrown in my locker.

I stand up straight from my crouched position in the grass and turn around to make my way into the school again. I would have rather gone home at this point if I was completely honest, but I made a promise to my mom that I would stay and so I wouldn't run away again.

Suddenly, from the other side of the entrance doors, someone who is very familiar to me appeared. It wasn't after a few short seconds that I somewhat snapped out of my stare due to the person walking straight toward me.

Minhyuk.

"U-uh.." I very faintly, only just managed to mumble, turning my head in the other direction in an attempt to play it off as if I wasn't on the edge of my being right now. "What.. Uh, what are you doing here? shouldn't you be on your wa-"

"Moonbin, come on..  You can't fool me," His voice, for the first time in forever, kind-hearted, cut me off. He stood right before me so suddenly I didn't know how to behave. Letting out a sort of low, dry laugh, I bowed my head down and fiddled with my fingers in front of myself, murmuring, "I look pretty stupid right now don't I? I mean, I fucked up pretty much everything huh? And now, well, now I've got no one left."

I heard Minhyuk sigh softly. It wasn't one of those annoyed sighs though, at least, it didn't sound like he was annoyed with me. "Moonbin, don't you say that... You have me, you've always had me and Sanha. We've just been waiting for the Moonbin we know to come back. Sure, I've been acting like a-"

"Like an asshole?"

"Pretty much, I've been acting like an asshole towards you, but how else am I supposed to respond when I'm in panic over potentially losing someone I care about? I know I was, too, overreacting but I am sorry. You just have to be prepared to accept that you're also at fault here."

Dragging out a long sigh, I pushed my hair back and nodded. "You're right and I know. We're both at fault here, you over exaggerated when it came to me hanging out with someone you dislike and knew was up to no good. And I did purposely ditch you guys a few times for Seungkwan... or Eunwoo. I should've listened to you and I'm sorry for that."

Slowly, Minhyuk's lips curved slightly upwards into one of his smiles, using his hand to give me a pat on my upper arm which was still filled with goosebumps. "Now we're one the same page."

For a second, I let the silence overcome us as if it was informing Minhyuk and I that perhaps things were going to be okay between us. He looked at me as if he was hadn't seen me in years. As if I was a sailor coming back from a year-long trip and I hadn't had a proper shower, haircut or meal in all that time. Maybe I did look like that. Though, despite the sensation of weight being lifted from my shoulders due to us making up, guilt still lurched inside of me, constantly reminding me of the event that had taken place little earlier today.

Surely, he had heard of what I did from Sanha. The younger would've told him by now how I yelled at him otherwise Minhyuk wouldn't be here right now. After all, in the past, whenever Minhyuk couldn't help, he'd go to me. So why had he not said a word on the matter?

"Ro-.. Minhyuk, Sanha knows I'm sorry for yelling at him, right?" I asked in a murmur, turning my head only the slightest bit to look over him, "I didn't mean to yell at him the way I did. I just.. I just kinda snapped and he just so happened to be there at the time, I suppose."

There was a pause for a moment, but Minhyuk eventually spoke, "He was upset, but he understood. That's how I knew you had been pushed too far, and how I knew that we needed to stop this stupid fighting before you start getting seriously upset. Sanha told me, he could see you were hurt, Bin."

'Before' I start getting seriously upset?

"You know, we've all missed you." Minhyuk told me softly, "It isn't the same without you, you know? Sanha has no one to be a little shit with and I don't have someone to annoy with the new choreographies I made up."

"Huh?" I couldn't help but perk up a little, turning my full attention on him as he spoke, "Are you being serious?"

"Dead serious." Minhyuk nodded. "I think, besides Sanha and I, and even though I think he won't admit it, Eunwoo's the one who has missed you the most."

Hearing Minhyuk drop his name felt like a stone was dropped in my stomach. No, it felt like someone was kicking bars of lead against me. How come he knows about how Eunwoo is feeling? "Moonbin, you have to tell him you're sorry most of all people." Minhyuk now spoke seriously. "I know.." I mumble softly and look down at my hands. I wouldn't forgive myself for what I did to Eunwoo. "There was probably stuff going on where we don't even know about, but, Bin he deserves apologies. Eunwoo was going through the school every day, looking for you."

"He was?" I ask as I felt my heart flutter. "No way."

"Yes way, Eunwoo missed you greatly, Jinwoo even said he hadn't been the same after you didn't come to school anymore. You're like the glue between our group Binnie"

I couldn't tell if it was the fact that I maybe felt a little proud with myself because I maybe didn't make Eunwoo hate me that much or the way that Minhyuk had been trying to express how I was the 'glue' with his hand  movements as he spoke, but somehow I managed to crack an actual smile. For the first time in about three weeks or so, I managed to genuinely smile.

"There we go," Minhyuk smiled as he pointed at his own smile referring to the fact that I am smiling. "Hey, if you're feeling any better, then perhaps you should join lunch later and see everyone else? You know, catch up with everyone and let them all know you're back."

My breath quickly was caught in my throat and I averted my eyes from Minhyuk, my fingers to beginning intensely fiddle before I finally managed to faintly mutter, "Uh... Yeah, sure. I'll.. I'll see how I feel." Before I flashed him less than a convincing smile.

Someone up there in the fucking heavens must have it in for me because later at lunch, at fucking lunch I now, apparently, promised to see everyone. Who even is 'them all'?  All that I know is that Minhyuk and I hang out with Sanha. Seeing Sanha I was fine with but knowing that there were probably more people than only Sanha and not knowing who those people were sent shivers down my spine.

But now there was absolutely no way I could possibly get out of going to see them as Minhyuk had gone back to his old friendly ways towards me, which meant he would want to hang with me throughout the school day like we used to. All I could do at this point is to pray that I have the ability to get my shit together before that break and act at least a little bit normal during that certain lunch break. Please don't let anxiety take me over.