Everything I love about you. {Binwoo} {Astro}

Fourteen

"I just want to walk home together okay?"

I say as I wrap my hand around Eunwoo's. As I grabbed it, I could feel that the older just stiffened. I am not letting go though. This might be the last time. No, correction, I'm sure that this is the last time. I will leave Eunwoo alone after today. Just like he wanted.

Us two together as friends or anything else isn't working out. It's better to cut it off now before one of us is starting to get really attached.

Just let me hold his hand one last time.

As we walk together, I notice Eunwoo is beyond uncomfortable. I don't really have a good knowledge of humans but this is just obvious. Eunwoo is looking from one spot at the other to just prevent looking to an area even near me. I keep looking at him from the corners of my eyes until I see that Eunwoo fixed his gaze straight in front of him. Never looking any other way.

Why did he hate this so much?

I mean, he's not even breathing. As I kept sneakily staring at Eunwoo, I notice his face getting slightly redder every second. Like seriously, are you legitimately choking or what? Why is he not functioning like everyone my age? Well, I guess that made me interested in him in the first place.

We always want something that we can't get. Something that is out of your league. We all want to touch a newly painted bench even though it has a sign saying not to. We all want a taste of that forbidden fruit but it always ends up in disaster.

Let's just listen next time when something or someone tells you to not do something. It saves you a broken heart. Let's just listen to our brain for once. Listening to your heart is just an excuse to get hurt and I am not falling for it anymore.

Just get him home, then it's over.

"Eunwoo, you know life is easier when you breathe?" I finally say after being silent for more than a minute. I hear no response from Eunwoo other than him actually breathing in and out deeply a couple of times.

"Is this making you uncomfortable?" I ask softly. This silence was kind of nice. I didn't want to disturb it too much. Slowly, Eunwoo looked back at me into my eyes and I feel my heart ache. Why does he have to be so gentle looking? He's almost like a swan, so beautiful and majestic. We associate them with true love, but didn't you know that love hurts? Swans look so pretty but can seriously damage you to only protect themselves. I can't think of a better way to describe Eunwoo.

Swans are, despite them being pretty, dangerous so don't get too close. In Eunwoo's case, don't get too close personally.

As Eunwoo kept looking at me in the eyes, he eventually nodded yes. I couldn't think of anything else than pulling my hand out of his as quickly as possible. I shouldn't have done that. Dumb. "I.. I'm sorry." I stuttered and put my hands in my pockets and turned away from Eunwoo's gaze. "Is your home this way?" I asked and started walking in to the direction I pointed to without waiting for a confirmation of the other.

I feel so awkward, I just kept walking. Hell, I didn't know if Eunwoo was even still following me. He wasn't next to me that's what I did know. He never really walked next to me though, it was always me following him. If it were different for once.

"Are you going to keep lagging behind?" I say to make an end to the silence. I heard Eunwoo's footsteps behind me but no response. What I said was pretty harsh wasn't it? I let out a soft laugh to ease the rudeness hopefully. "W..what?" Eunwoo suddenly said. Was he even here with his mind? "Are you going to keep walking there or are you going to walk next to me?" I repeated but more nicely this time and stopped my pace.

"Oh.., I'll walk next to you," Eunwoo spoke softly and kept walking. I only started walking again just about when Eunwoo were to pass me. Still, nothing was said anyway. Just that well-known silence as always. For how much longer are we going to keep this up?

"Are you okay?" I ask as Eunwoo just walks around with a troubled look on his face. Try to cover it up at least, just like I am doing. "I'm sorry that I just did that..." I mumbled as I looked down. "No, It's alright. I'm just... cold." Eunwoo mumbled as he clearly didn't know what to say.  "Oh..." I mumbled doubting if that was really the case. "We'll walk faster then..."

As our pace quickened us two neared Eunwoo's house in silence after a while. "It's here," Eunwoo said as he pointed at his house and entered his front yard. He opened his door with his key and turned around towards me, who was following him behind him. I looked up to his small, dark house. "Is no one home?" I asked. No wonder his parents were 'fine' with him staying late even though he said an hour. Eunwoo shrugged, "No, my parents are uhhh on holiday right now." He said quickly and took a step back into his doorway. Don't worry, I'll leave.

"Tonight was fun." Eunwoo smiled. Yeah, sure. "We should do this more another time," Eunwoo added. I nodded "Yeah we should... See you on Monday?" I bluffed while taking a step backward. "See you on Monday," Eunwoo confirmed. As I said a soft bye I turned around, walking out of Eunwoo's front yard.

I felt tears stinging in my eyes. I told myself that it was over after this evening and so it was. Over. Don't you dare look back and don't cry, Bin, you made this choice yourself.

Suddenly, as I was walking away, I felt two arms wrapping around me accompanied by a cheek pressed against my back. Don't make it harder for me Eunwoo... Please. "I really mean that I had fun tonight Binnie," Eunwoo said again.

Is he sensing it that this is the last time maybe? I feel an odd feeling in my stomach. I can't call them butterflies though, you feel butterflies when you are in love. I guess they are jitters. Jitters mean that you're nervous. Yeah, I am nervous. Or rather, uncomfortable.

Slowly, I turned around, always staying in Eunwoo's embrace. "Thank you" I mumbled and I wrapped my arms around the older.

I can't hold in my tears anymore but I don't want Eunwoo to see them. If I hug him, he won't. Maybe, I also wanted to hug him.

If something is too good to be true, in most of the cases, it is. You can't escape the hard reality.