Perfect SCARS

88

I haven't had a complete six hour sleep in years
Infact the most I sleep in a day is two to three hours
That's just how it is
And during this period I am tortured and terrified by an horrible nightmare that eventually wakes me up from that sleep

And whenever I wake up like that, am unable to fall back asleep
So I stay awake most of the night and try to get through another night of horror..

I have tried several medications, several recommendations, several techniques but nothing seem to work
The most they do is let me sleep for perhaps an hour extra and then I'm facing the same episode over and over again

Lately...  Probably since I got here and Since I have seen my terror face to face,
My usual kind of nightmare started changing drastically
It went from not so scary to not scary at all and now it has turn something else entirely

When I got back from his office yesterday, I had a deep thinking on how to avoid getting too close to him
I marveled on the things that brought us this close and thought of ways to stop the unnecessary over familiarity

We are not cool to be friends, we were never friends and now most certainly is a terrible time to start any sort of relationship with him aside from the reason that brought me here

But I would also be in denial if I say that I am not physically attracted to him
Ironic but true
In the last thirteen years I have not had any intercourse with anyone even though they tried especially while I was still younger

And I have also deprived myself from trying because I know there's no place for love in my heart

Of course I have met different men, beautifully handsome guys who were interested in me but I felt nothing. Not even a tiny bit.... It was like I was allergic to them
But I wasn't even pained... I was never bothered about having a relationship with anyone
As it is.... I want to be on my own

But Philip Jackson had to change everything for me
He started When I was just a child and even now he still has that effect on me

Even after so many years.... Dude didn't age abit if anything his face got fresher and his biceps huge
You would begin to wonder if thirteen years was just a couple of weeks for him

And things are getting even more complicated for me
Gradually am being to see things that amaze me about him

so this morning I woke by 4am and I wasn't just terrified at the nightmare that woke me I was disgusted

I woke up from having intense wet dreams with him
I don't know what caused it or if it was that stupid hug we shared in the conference room or just my insane imagination

Since I woke up I've been feeling sick.. The thought of him naked and on my... That brought tears to my eyes
I never for once imagined that I would be getting pleasure from seeing that....

While laying on my couch wrapped under my thick duvet
I blew my nose and tried to concentrate on TV but I know everytime I blink my mind flies back to that crazy wet dream

My phone buzzed and I peeped to check callers Id and it was Julie
I lazily tapped the answer button and put it on loud speaker

"Hello.... "

I cleared my throat before answering

"Hello Julie "

"Thank God you answered sweetie... Pls can you come over to the house now "

"Uhhh... No am kinda down... I don't think I can go anywhere "

"What.. What happen "

"I'm down with the flu "

"Ohhh honey.... Am sorry, I just.... I don't know I have been so busy, we haven't even had time to hangout lately but that's not even the reason I called.......... Uhhh Sheila do you mind leaving that over there..... Yes thanks.... No not there..... Christ do you even understand simple English "

I moved the phone from my ears... And put the call on hold

Then took  a deep breath before I put the call through

"Genesis..... Baby are you there"

"Yeah "

"Am so sorry.. It just my new assistant... She's just so dumb, I can't even believe that I handpicked this girl......  I'm so frustrated right now as I was saying....I think am done with this assistant thing..... I can't deal with this riff raffs....... I'm better without them..... I don't even need them anymore "

"Why what happened.... "

" Have you seen the news "

"Today's news.... What news"

"I mean today's paper..... Have you seen it "

"Ohhh then you need to see it as soon as possible.... I really can't believe this Girl would go through such lengths just to pull me down "

"What girl ''

"Jesus.... Sheila, can you just put that down  . I asked you to move it not hold it... Why are you so dumb, do I have to spell it out for you.  .  Gosh... Now you want to argue.. Go on and argue.... This is how it starts.... You know what you are fired..... I don't need you anymore....  just leave  "

God my ears are fried... I need to end this torture
I hung up the call

And focused on my TV program, today am going to try and focus on me
Just for today... I need my breathing space and my sanity ..

I took a nap to ease my incessant headache...

I wasn't even 10mins into my nap section
When my phone buzzed again
I was suppose ignore it but my mind was constantly reminding me it might be something important

I pulled the phone from my small table and it was a message from Julie
I hissed and was about to toss the phone away when my eyes scrolled through the screen

***Hey baby girl.... We are on our way to your apartment..... I hope you are decent.. (Then a wink 😉)  ***

I jumped out of my duvet immediately
On their way to where
My apartment
...
Wait.... Who's we?
No I hope he is not coming
I dont think I can handle seeing him today....
No.... No pls don't come here
I cried out as I hurried to the window