Perfect SCARS

104

My image in the mirror scared me, at first it came out really blur but eventually it cleared up, my eyes were bloodshot red, with heavy dark bags around them.

I splash the cold water from the running on my face and it electrify me, I blew my nose and ran my hand on my scattered hair.

What is happening to me
I am definitely losing it..
I have refuse to shed a tear but my body isnt taken it so well

After the last hearing.... My whole body system was in disarray.. I went from feeling nauseous to severe fever and I stayed indoor all through.
Imagine I go to a doctor and am asked how I am feeling
Truth be told I feel like a bag of shit,
Anger fueled me, and I have all this stuff running through my head that scares me

Immediately after the hearing was concluded and concluded.
Lucy wanted us to call Tris and find out why she bailed on us but I insisted we go there and hear what sick excuse she has to give

When we got to her apartment, her door was locked from inside after banging the door we assumed she wasn't in but her neighbor confirmed that she's in and just got back not too long

We banged the door again and decided to force it open...... Her neighbor helped push the door open

And there we found her
Laying on the floor looking lifeless
I scanned the room and saw her used marijuana wrap and cocaine powder in a tray

She wasn't dead
She was wasted

I have spent over a month trying to clean this shit off her system and now she just had to go back to it... Today
Why would she do this to me
She seemed fine the last time I saw her....... She was so lively and energetic, so what could have been the reason for her to just go back

I was so sure she would clear things out.
She was suppose to but she chickened out and that almost cost me my chance at putting that lowlife scum behind bars

Patricia is my sole witness
She was there when he adopted me or hired me.
She's the only one that can clarify this but as it she's in no position to answer anything

That made me even more angrier
Why do all the women that ever encountered Philip have to be so miserable

Patricia is an addictive wreck
Juliet is a conditioned wife, she delicates her life to pleasing him
Victoria is in jail
And me...... I am just drowned in my past and I can't seem to find peace no matter how hard I try

We are tied down to him somehow... And our problems lies in ever  knowing that man

As if my day wasn't ruined enough I was driving back home ready to bounce on anyone who is in my way. They can't keep me out of my own house... Not anymore

I was pulling through traffic when a newspaper vendor shoved his papers against my window..... And my eyes went through to see my own face attached to Philip's
With an headline that reads
'Lady sues Barr Philips Jackson to court for rape'

What is this for Christ sake
Why do they have to drag me to me into their showcase
What is wrong with this people
I guess there's alot I didn't consider before jumping into this...
I didn't think through thoroughly
I just got myself into a deeper mess
Does that now mean I am regretting that I decided to take actions on him for what he did to me
No matter how long it took to summon enough courage to come out of my shell... The SCARS still remain fresh in my mind

I stopped at a store and brought six bottles of red wine and one vodka..
I can't think of a better way to kill the loud voice in my head than breaking  my golden rule of saying Goodbye to alcohol
I am so going to regret this but right now I  can't think of anything better
I can't even sleep without thinking of him.
And that's ruining me, this is the only thing that can if not completely take my mind off this even though it for a short while

When I got home... I got busy with my new refreshed hobby

I haven't even finish one bottle when I became really nauseous, I started feeling really feverish.. I was shivering from head to toe. I threw up several times, i felt heavy and sore, and i couldnt stand upright., I took some painkillers but it didn't feel better , I was in so much pain... I couldn't even call for help. I didn't stop throwing up and it was like my lungs are on fire and am so close to spitting out my intestines Sometimes I feel so cold and atimes am feeling suffocated from the inside  .... it went on for days before I finally slept soundly and woke up feeling better this morning
With my appearance as scary as hell
My stomach growled loudly and I went to the kitchen to fetch something to eat.
I had a full bowl of cereal and when I was feeling strong enough I decided to clean the house
My craps were everywhere and the house smelled like a dump

The door bell rings and I ran to get it.. I have been dying to see and talk to someone other than myself all day
Considering that I must died from living alone and having no one to check up on me

I opened the door and frowned immediately I saw who was standing outside.....
Godwin.. Philip's driver
Why is he here....
Why would he even send his driver to me

"Yes... How can I help you "
I fold my arms and glare at him

"Hello ma'am.... I have a message for you "

"From my boss "

"Who is your boss "

"Mr Philip "

I sighed and examine him .. Who knows he might be sent here to kill me

"What is it"

"He asked me to give you this "
He held out an envelope...

"What is that "

"A letter..... I guess"

"He asked you to give me a letter "

"Yes ma'am "

I hesitated before collecting the envelope from him

He nodded and walked away
I lock my doors and quickly ripped the letter out of the envelope
And it says

My dearest Angel,
    
     You might be wondering what it is I have to say after things turned out to have taken a bad turn for us
You have no idea how terrible I feel about the outcome of things between us. You are my muse and my weakness. It is because of you I carry this heavy burden in my heart around.
If I could I would make things right but you have made all these conclusions about me and there's only a little I can do like write you a silly letter like a child and express myself in parables

The things you made me feel and the way you carry yourself, your smile and charisma, your fragrance your brown eyes everything about you that drives me weird  .. I hope you never stop being yourself coz I have searched and there's only one You in the entire universe which sucks for me because I can never share this with another
I miss you beyond what letters can compose
I know you dont want to see me and you probably hate me but I have always and would always love you
I can only say so much if only you can come see me.
I will be waiting for you at our rooftop

                    Yours
                      ❤️