Roses And Thorns

Chapter 45

Karen didn't hear more after, the only thing in her mind was that she wasn't fair to him, she blamed him for murdering her son, their son while it was just a matter of months, her son couldn't have made it even to birth, she's a carrier of cystic fibrosis and so is he, together they made a son with the disease, she reached to her apartment and sat, tears rolled down her eyes.
She felt so guilty, for blaming him for all these years while he was hurting too, maybe more and she hurt him, he was still suffering with his demons fighting them day and night for her and her son and she decided to add salt to the wound, to open up his still fresh wound, she shook in sobs, the poor guy had lost his son too, they were supposed to mourn together, no matter what, they'd made a vow, for better and for worse, even if he has problems of which were not his fault, it was selfish of her to think of her feelings only and forgetting his, he was hurting more.

He lost his mother during birth, he never got to see his mother or even be held in her arms like how she had, she wasn't even there to watch him take his first step, she never even breastfeed him!.
And then he lost his unborn sister, it was an accident, she knew it, Lisa had told her but he was blamed for it, for murdering the mother he never knew and for murdering a sister he never got to hold, and then...she blamed him for murdering his son, their son.
She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face in them as she cried, she remembered that fateful morning, when she'd just gained consciousness, she'd yelled at him, called him a murderer.

Ian?'.
'Y..ees baby?', he asked trembling.
'You are a murderer!!!'.
'I hate you Ian!!!, I hate you so much!!, you killedy my son!!!!!'.

She pulled her hair and sobbed, her face red and her heart pounding, she held her chest tight as the knife in her heart went round and round and released a loud sob when the knife went deeper, tearing her whole heart apart, she tried to stand up and pulled herself to her bedroom and threw herself there as sobs shook her.
In the midnight she woke up and took her pills, she looked outside, it was full moon, she went to her balcony and looked outside, no answers were given to her, even the stars looked sad, she thought about what happened three years ago and realized that she hasn't been fair to him, he deserved a better goodbye, a friendly one, they had been beat friends since forever, then they fell in love or they fell in love then became friends, she didn't know that for sure.

She hugged herself, no matter what ad happened, they were not supposed to end things like strangers, the two had started sharing the same bed since she was 5 and reunited when they were older, and made a baby, a surprise baby, she smiled and wipp
ed off her tears, a surprise baby who neither of them was ready for but loved anyway.
He's married now, her subconscious mocked her, yes he is, happily married unlike her who's still debating on whether to carry a child for her fiance or not, a fiance who doesn't give shit about her, she remembered her ring, where is that ring?.
She went inside and looked everywhere but didn't find it, she put a mental note to search for it in the morning.

Unlike other days, she woke up and rushed to her door post, lilies, she picked them and smiled then put them in a vase, she took the note and read it.

Low blood pressure is a huge disease for a young lady like you, don't stress yourself too much dusha moya, I'm here for you.
With love, Ian.

She chuckled and went to prepare herself for work, she reached to work in her dark brown suit with a tight jacket and loose pants, her hair in a messy bun, she took a sip of her coffee and ran through her mails, she opened the one with Ian's name, just more lilies, she smiled and instead of deleting it like other days, she kept it.