Loving the Nightmare ✅

chapter: 17

"I will always care for you, even if we're not together and even if we're far, far away from each other."       

                                     - Anonymous                                                               

Misha's POV:

Only I know how difficult it was for me to act normal in front of everyone for the rest of the time. Lucky are those who can smile even in difficult situations, unlike me, who had to wipe tears away from time to time.

By afternoon, almost all the guests left, even Mom and Dad. I was trying very hard to control my tears, but when Mom came and hugged me before leaving, I was not able to hold them back anymore. I cried my eyes out, making her worried, but with utmost courage, I had to cover up everything, saying that it was only because I miss them so much. I damn badly wanted to go away with them, but I knew Mom would suspect that something is wrong, and also there was something that was stopping me: a need to have a word with Varun again!

After the guests left, Varun left the house as well, which means I will have to wait until night for him to return. This time he took Isha with him as well, so there was hope that he will come soon.

I helped Janvi in cleaning and went to my room. I felt really tired because of all the work and crying, and there was also a little headache. As I sat on the bed and rested my head on the headboard, I remembered Varun's words.

"Is it greater than what you did to my soul?"

I looked at my wrist and saw some sort of red and bluish-black patches over it. When did they come? I don't know when I got them, but I'm surely thankful that no one saw them; otherwise, it would have become so difficult for me to explain.

I went and applied some cream on it and remembered his words again. It was like an alarm kept on snooze, which kept ringing in my head. Does he really hate me this much? If a person can hurt you both physically and mentally, I don't think he even cares for you. First, I thought that what Varun had for me was indifference, no love - no hate, but now it's crystal clear to me that he hates me more than anything.

I didn't go today because I wanted to talk with Varun; however, now I don't know what to talk about. I can't even tell him the whole thing about why I got ready to marry him, and on the other hand, hiding it means getting more and more hurt. I even wished to talk with Mom; I wanted to know the reason why she lied to me, saying that Varun is ready to get married, but I was too hurt, angry, upset, and disappointed with her that I kept on ignoring her.

The question is, will Varun still treat me the same when he comes to know the truth? Well, I guess I should stop thinking about it before my head bursts.

I closed my eyes, trying not to think about anything. I was trying very hard to divert my attention when I heard Isha crying. Varun's home. I literally ran out of bed to see Isha; it breaks my heart every time she cries. She is already weak, and crying makes her weaker and paler.

"Varun, please let me," I said, telling him to hand her to me, but he didn't.

"I will handle," was all he replied.

"Varun, please!" I requested, but to no avail; he went ahead and closed the door to his room. I stood outside his room as I heard the crying of my baby. Soon her voice became less audible, and she stopped crying. Thank god.

I went back to my room and again thought about the same question. Why does he have to hate me so much?

It was evening, and Varun was sitting in the living room alone. Mom and Dad were out, Dadi was in her room, and Janvi was with Isha. So I decided to go and talk now. As I went towards him, he immediately got up, ready to leave that place.

"Varun, stop," I said, and to my shock, he actually stopped.

"I need to talk."

"I don't want to," he replied and moved ahead, for which I had to run behind him. I went and stood in front of him, making him stop.

"Why can't you understand? I don't want to talk," he said, almost in an irritated yet calm voice.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I blurted out. Was I really supposed to ask that?

"Wasn't I clear enough last time? Despite all the things you did to me, you still have the courage to ask that?"

"Then listen," he said, and afterward, all the words he said were just like daggers to me.

"After Tanvi left me, was I supposed to get married again? No, but my family forced me to do it. You ditched me just to get what you wanted, and what did I do? I disappointed the love of my life by marrying you. You, this marriage, reminds me of only one thing: how I hurt her."

"She was my wife and was supposed to be forever, but again, that's not going to happen because the world will call you as my wife. I was supposed to stay a single man for the rest of my life, but no, I'm married now."

"Wasn't it possible to be a single father? Yes, it was! Still, my family decided to force me to get married, and who did they choose? A selfish person who just cared about her happiness."

"If you would have canceled this marriage, I would have been happy now. There would have been no guilt of hurting Tanvi; why didn't you cancel this marriage?" He asked and punched the wall on his side.

I was about to go beside him, but he raised a hand, a sign to stop.

I was broken. I have seen him in pain many times since I came here, but what I saw today was of a totally different level. I had so many things to say when he was talking about his pain, but nothing came out of my mouth. He loved Tanvi so much; maybe I don't love him the same way as he loved her, but I do love and care about him, and I can't see him in pain. It hurts me more than anything, and knowing the reason that I'm behind it just hurts me more.

It was my mistake that I didn't ask him again; if I had talked with him, this would have never happened. I would have never been the reason behind the hurt he feels now.

Well, enough now! I can't see him in pain, not anymore. I will ask him what he wants me to do, and this time I will do exactly what he says. I was about to speak, but he started again, and I had to stop.

"Why don't you just leave me?"

"I have never said this to anyone, but for you, I really want to say it loud and clear."

"I hate you. I hate you more than anything."

"You have caused me enough pain, but now, please leave me and my daughter alone," he said and went.

I stood there frozen, not knowing what to do next. As I lifted my head, I saw Janvi standing at the kitchen entrance with tears in her eyes. Maybe she heard everything! I gave

her a small smile and left from there before she could ask me something, and I would burst into crying.

I went to my room and packed my bags. I was supposed to go tomorrow, but I felt like leaving now. There's no reason for me to stay here when my own husband wants me to leave him.

After I was done, I came back to the living room and saw Mom, Dad, and Janvi sitting on the couch.

"Dad, should I go back to my home, now?" I asked and felt all the eyes looking at me.

"I was not even ready to let go of you tomorrow, and you are asking to leave today?" He asked, making a sad face.

"Is it because of Varun?" He asked further. Janvi must have told them. I looked at her for which she immediately turned her gaze.

"I don't want to talk about it. By the way, why were you not ready for tomorrow?"

"It's his birthday tomorrow," Janvi replied. I looked at Dad as he nodded.

"Ok. I will stay," I replied and went back to my room.

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