Zainab's Little Secret

35..

I tried talking to zee but everytime something always crop up to interfere. I had no choice than to box her into a corner and tell her what was in my mind. And the conversation went as thus;....

"Asalamualaikum Zainab"

"Walaiykum salaam waramatullah wabarakatuh Mohammad".

"How are you?"

"I'm good alhamdulillah and you?"

"I'm good too,uhmmm since when did you get back?".

"And since when do you care to know my whereabouts?".

"See aswear bah,zee it's not like that,alot has happened within these few years trust me. My life hasn't been the same since after secondary school. My step mom and her children have made our lives unbearable. The last time I stepped into this house was 3 years ago zee. I'm practically not welcomed here zee. I have no one to talk to or relate with. I've been a zombie for some years now. If not for this ceremony I'd probably be hustling to get my next session's fees by now. There's alot you need to know zee. A whole lot. So enough of my pathetic story!. What about you and how have you been? Nursing and all of that?...

"Hmmmm life hasn't been easy. Especially since you know about dad's death and you kukuma know mom is the only one helping with the fees and all. She does everything alone. She has shops in front of the house,well some are for rent while she's using the others for her business. She hasn't really been around for all of us you know. Well all in all, alhamdulilllah for everything. Concerning the whole nursing thing, well we have been travelling and probably after this ceremony we'd be going for COBES. It's more like a community project and the list is yet to be out but I pray I get posted to a nice place in Shaa Allah".

"Oh wow!, That's so interesting. Way nicer than my story. I guess we've all grown and are mature now. So tell me when is your introduction too?"

"What?!!! Intro-what?!! Are you kidding me right now?!.  Who told you I'm ready to get married or I have someone in mind?!. See me see trouble oo.. you are not even serious".

" Well you never can tell, anything can happen. You might be among the lucky ones to find early love you know. So are you trying to say that you do not have anyone in mind?!".

" Well it's not like that. I actually have like 3 guys that are after me. The first one is a very rich guy tho he's very rude, pompous and not religious,the second is well according to him * is in love with me* but trust me I've tried so hard to reciprocate his love but it's just not matching. The third is actually my kind of guy in terms of the Deen, character,looks, attitude and commitment. He's everything though he's the only child of his parents and I think I really like him alot but all in all,I'd love to pray about it, do istikhar about him and then do some personal findings about his family".

"Wow, Masha Allah 😍 zee. I love this sweet, religious part of you. Jazakhillah khairan. Can I at least help too? You know do my findings about him and who knows my findings might be helpful".

"Well you are right, I'm sure your connection would be very much helpful. Thank you Mohammed. I really appreciate it. Jazakhallah khairan. I guess I'll see you around before leaving. Asalamualaikum".

"Walaiykum salaam waramatullah wabarakatuh 😊".

Deep down inside of me,it felt like a part of me was broken. I was filled with anger and envy for that guy who zee has obviously started liking. I raged with anger and I started reciting the few surahs i still know very well and said my istagfar. All I wanted was for zee to be mine. She belongs to me and no one else. She's mine and mine alone. I can't just sit back and watch another dude take over my lover just like that. It's really not fair. I can't afford to lose both ways. I can't lose my mom,my sister and now my lover. I can't afford to lose this beautiful damsel. I have to look for a way to make her mine at all cost. I'll so give it all it takes to win back her heart.

All through the night,I kept tossing on the bed and I couldn't sleep. I've heard few of my friends say that smoking makes one high and forget one's sorrow. So I rushed out and bought a stick of cigarette. Immediately I got home, I lighted up the stick and held it up for me to have a proper look at the thing burning. The mere smell of it got me coughing and choking but I'm a man and I'm supposed to be strong and brave. So with that, I placed the stick in between my lips and began to inhale the content. Immediately I took in the smoke,I began to cough and it felt like I was being strangulated. I looked for my voice but it was nowhere to be found. I took it in more gently this time around. It was painful but not as painful as the first time. So I endured the pain until I finished it to half. So at that point, everything became blurry and I couldn't see anything. How I fell asleep,I couldn't even pinpoint. All I knew was that I couldn't help the pain in my eyes,nose, throat and lungs nevertheless it worked out perfectly because I was able to get some sleep. I felt guilty but there was nothing I could do (*he could have gone to pray but chose otherwise*).....

Asalamualaikum waramatullah wabarakatuh dear readers, I'm really sorry for going MIA. I had to coz of school and all but guess what your favourite writer is back. Well Murphy has gone through alot of ups and downs in life. He has been tested in alot of ways and instead of him to use that chance to get closer to his Rabb,he decided to listen to iblis. May Allah save us from the silent whispers of shaytan. Audhubillai minnah shaytoni rajim..

Bye😊.
Love you all💕💕💕
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