lamppost | changlix ✔

once

10:45pm

[INCOMING CALL: lix]

[accept|decline]

[accept|decline]

"felix? hello?" changbin began slowly talking after about 5 seconds of piercing nervous silence. neither boys had talked before, and somehow, the prospect of speaking had never crossed the older's mind.

"... hi."

his voice... does NOT match his face. damn.

"hey. what's up?" the older smiled, excited.

"i-i don't know. i just..."

changbin felt his face drop at the same rate as his heart. he was crying. the thought of felix being upset tore him to shreds him from the inside out. he'd always been so kind and bubbly. this contrast, while human, took changbin by surprise and distressed him more than it should have. turning all focus to felix, the older immediately softened his tone so as to not overwhelm the younger boy.

"heyy, don't cry," changbin quickly replied, not knowing what else to say. "i'm here. you can talk to me."

"... i really don't know why i called you, bin hyung. i'm s-sorry," felix whispered, holding back the rest of his tears to the best of his ability. it was as if his world was crashing in on him; like his happiness was freefalling and no one was there to catch it. he was too used to this happening - and fed up of always handling it on his own.

"don't apologise, felix... i would take a phone call over knowing you suffered alone any day of the week."

with that sentence, felix broke down. the dam holding back the river behind his eyes finally burst. his tears were unrelenting, streaming violently down both of his cheeks. his lungs burned in contrast, overworking as he sobbed his heart out. he'd waited so long for someone to say something that didn't make him feel like a burden. something supportive; something genuine and kind. he knew that was his own doing, but the relief of hearing it after so long was still overpowering.

"do you wanna talk about it, lixie?" changbin offered, not even noticing the nickname he'd thrown at the boy. it took felix a good few seconds to calm down enough to reply.

"... i feel so fucking alone all of the time. i- i can't-" felix paused, hiccuping and exhaling quickly. "i can't fucking breathe, fuck."

"breathe with me, i'm here. just follow my lead, okay?" the younger nodded, humming when he realised changbin couldn't see him. whenever the older audibly inhaled, felix shakily did the same, following the pattern as closely as his body would let him. occasionally, changbin spurted out praises in the hopes of settling and reassuring the poor boy more thoroughly.

the second the australian seemed like he was breathing steadily enough to answer his questions, he gently pried a little more. he wanted to understand exactly what was wrong with felix so that he could help him to the best of his ability.

"what do you mean by 'alone'? you don't have people?" changbin asked, careful not to accidentally phrase it roughly.

"not exactly. i just... i-i know i have people. i do. but i always feel like i have to hide around them. i feel like i can't emote around anyone anymore. it's- it's exhausting and draining and i've never felt this isolated before."

"lix..." changbin started as softly as he could. it was like he was afraid that if he spoke any harsher, felix would somehow explode. "it's gonna be okay... i'm here. i don't know exactly what you need to hear, but... if you need to say anything, i swear i'll listen to you. i'm here."

felix let out another series of chokes and sobs - this time, without the panic. he'd never shown anyone this side of him. he'd always felt an unbearable amount of pressure to show it up for others - to be constantly happy. he'd always made sure he looked approachable to others, for their sakes. no one noticed felix slipping again. his facade slowly falling, his smile gradually faltering, his joy gliding away from him. whether this was a blessing or a curse, felix didn't know. all he knew was that tonight, he couldn't do that to himself.

just as he promised, changbin listened, knowing there wasn't much else he could do for the boy. he was clearly in need of a friend - someone he could trust with his thoughts and feelings. if that's what he needed, then that's what changbin would be for him. there was no question about it for the older.

they continued talking for a little bit to calm felix down. it only took about 5 minutes to get him to a serene state after letting him vent and providing little comforting phrases here and there. it broke his heart to hear felix in such a mess. he realised he didn't notice a change in his tone of text at all. the fact that felix was so skilled at masking his emotions scared changbin. he wanted to be able to know how felix was really doing, and knowing him, he wasn't going to willingly be honest.

after hurdling the minor breakdown, changbin continued speaking to felix to try to cheer him up. they found they had a lot in common; they listened to the same music, shared similar interests, had similar goals and values... everything they talked about made them never want to stop talking to each other. it was like their paths were connected, and the angels were patiently waiting for the two to cross each other.

albeit reluctantly, felix had to hang up before midnight. he had early morning dance practice in his university the following day and needed to sleep. oddly, changbin found the initial refusal to leave the call cute. rarely did he think anyone was cute, but felix was a special case. denying the australian's naturally adorable personality would be nothing but a point-blank lie.

although the phone call started in tears, it left both boys smiling like idiots, thinking about what they learned about each other. though, changbin was still worried about the younger and that wasn't likely to budge soon. on top of that, he felt... strange. there was this indescribable rising feeling in his stomach and he could practically hear his pulse. changbin placed the back of his hand on his forehead, confused when he found no feverish heat.

diverting his attention away from his physical health, changbin forced himself down in his bed and exhaled harshly. he focused on calming his breathing and settling his thoughts, knowing he had to rest before work tomorrow. sleep overtook him minutes later, hugging his stuffed munchlax named gyu, with a hint of a smile spread on his lips.