lamppost | changlix ✔

veintiocho

tw: homophobic language
read with caution ♡

"jisung?" changbin forced himself to knock on the younger's door, still not convinced he was ready to.

"uh," jisung replied hesitantly, shuffling around behind his door like mad. "yeah, hyung?"

"can i speak to you for a bit?" he shakily asked, silently doubting how prepared he was for this conversation. if jisung reacted badly, he'd have nowhere to stay. just like the trash on the litter-infested streets, he'd be tossed aside - forgotten about. though, at the same time, he felt like he owed the boy an explanation after he offered his home so quickly after hearing about a fifth of the story. so, here he was, throwing himself in the deep end, hoping he'd learn how to float.

jisung inched his door open after about 20 seconds of painfully audible stumbling and closed it the moment he was through the gap. he crossed his arms and leaned on his door, noticing changbin's anxious expression and awkward stance.

"hyung," he frowned, concerned. "are you okay?"

'no,' he wanted to reply. 'i am so far from okay right now.' he bit his tongue. the end goal of opening up to jisung was not to concern him - but instead to inform him. the looming secrecy between the two killed changbin. no matter how small it was, keeping anything from him made the older feel an unbearable guilt. the younger had been nothing but selfless and caring to him since the day they met; he just hoped and prayed that would remain unchanged.

"can i maybe talk to you about why i was kicked out? if you're not busy?" he forced out, knowing that if he didn't start right then and there, he would back out. jisung sighed softly, nodding as he led the shorter boy downstairs.

as they walked, changbin could feel every drop of blood drain from his face. every step he took felt like a step closer to losing his mind to anxiety. his vision clouded as he struggled to form a single coherent thought. his legs were like paper - one hit and they'd crumple or tear, throwing him down the stairs headfirst. he swore his heartbeat was louder than gunshots at that moment. every little noise was so insufferably intense. their footsteps alone could've passed as earthquakes.

"so," jisung started while pouring hot chocolate, knowing it calmed changbin down. it was little things like that which made changbin appreciate him so much. he cared enough to remember miniscule details which might've helped him in the future.

"talk to me, then."

changbin didn't know where to start. a million phrases bounced around in his mind - each one wrong. his lungs were met with a large, sharp, cold gust of air. his chest rose and fell rapidly on its own, not caring whether or not changbin deemed it necessary.

"it's not bad, i promise," he finally began; voice shaking, eyes watering. "i'm just scared you'll think it is. my own dad did - i'm terrified, honestly."

jisung's eyes widened as the information clicked in his brain. he was shocked; not necessarily because of what changbin was telling him, but because he said it on his own, trusting jisung enough to be vulnerable. he looked at the boy in front of him, hands in his lap - trembling - and looking down. somehow, he looked even smaller. he sat changbin's drink in front of him and wrapped his arms around him.

"i get the picture. you don't have to say it if you don't want to," jisung whispered, knowing the older was already wildly uncomfortable. changbin leaned his head on jisung's shoulder. he inhaled relief as his muscles put themselves at ease, exhaled fear as his fidgeting slowed to a halt and his muscles continued to shake.

"how did you already know?" changbin giggled, still panicking on the inside. jisung shook his head and smiled, pulling away from the warmth of the hug.