lamppost | changlix ✔

cuarenta y tres

changbin truly didn't want to be alone that night. he wanted felix to stay by his side. the younger boy made him feel safe and secure, and he needed that. he'd never felt so far from secure in all his life. all he craved was the company, the soothing words and the tender touches of the taller boy. when the two of them were together, changbin felt he could confront the devil and make it out unscathed.

but the other corner of his mind told him no. it told him that he hurt felix by allowing him to see further into his life. it told him that he hurt felix by letting him hear his father's words poisoned by hatred and prejudice. he couldn't bear the thought of the australian being in any sort of pain because of his actions. so, contrary to what he wanted and with a heavy heart, he began dragging his feet in the opposite direction, away from the one person he would stay beside forever if he could.

"i'll see you later," changbin mumbled barely above a whisper. he didn't plan to shut the younger out; he didn't think he could ever do that. he just wanted to protect him. and that night, he felt like he'd failed.

"where are you going?" felix grabbed the older by the wrist, yanking him back into place. picturing the older boy sat alone in his room letting his thoughts ulcerate his mind after all of this felt like taking a wrench and twisting away at his main arteries.

"felix, i'm okay," changbin smiled softly, reassuring the younger male. he was on the brink of falling to pieces, but he wasn't willing to let the australian know that. he'd seen enough that night.

"jisung is with his boyfriend for the night, isn't he?" felix pointed out, recalling his conversation with minho earlier. he wasn't willing to let changbin slip away from him when he knew he was upset.

"yes, but really-"

"hyung, please don't make me watch you go home alone after that. let me take you to my place," felix begged, cutting changbin off before he had the chance to give any excuses.

knowing there was no point in protesting anymore, changbin sighed. he didn't want to bring any more harm to the poor boy than he already had, and the last thing he wanted was to cause an argument. so, giving up the fight, the older nodded his head and allowed a genuine - albeit small - smile to adorn his face.

"alright. lead the way."

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with light footsteps, changbin and felix made their way into the younger's sitting room with a cup of water each. the older looked at the cold, clear glass in his hand, and thought the purity of its contents reminded him of a certain someone. it held the same innocence and transparency, and delicately warped everything in changbin's sight when he looked through it; much like the way felix inspired him to look at the things around him in another light. whether he meant to or not, the younger had flipped the raven haired boy's worldview on its head. the vast, open ocean didn't seem so bad for journeying when he knew he had someone by his side helping him steer the sail.

he still couldn't help but feel that he'd somehow compromised the clarity of the water. changbin looked over at felix's glass and felt comforted for a moment. he half expected to see the liquid become tainted and clouded, made toxic and undrinkable. but, despite his expectations, he saw the boy take a sip of his crisp drinking water, which was just as clear as it had ever been. unchanged.

"how much did you hear?" changbin's hesitant question cut through the silence, unsure if he really wanted the answer.

"enough," felix answered, setting their glasses down on the coasters atop the coffee table. with that, the older nodded, unsure of what else to say. all of his thoughts were clashing together, not allowing him to grasp onto any one thing.