lamppost | changlix ✔

catorce

'alright,' changbin thought to himself, grabbing his headphones and heading down to the cellar of the bar. 'time for the real work to begin.'

he flicked the switch in the studio, letting the light fill the room, before booting up the laptop. changbin didn't have long in the basement to make progress with the track before chan closed up. he called jisung down in hopes that he'd be of help. the files got lost among themselves in chan's chaotic file system, frustrating changbin a little. the one titled "idea8" was finally pulled open.

the studio doors barged open out of nowhere, revealing a wheezing jisung. the younger's footing was lost completely and he hit the floor as changbin recovered from his heart attack.

"jesus christ," changbin forced out in a sigh. he dragged himself over to help the idiot sat on the floor, defeated by gravity. after heaving the boy up as he dusted himself off, changbin and jisung got to work for their upcoming mini tour around seoul.

but changbin couldn't seem to focus at all. questions of every kind stormed around in circles in his mind, refusing to leave him be. recently, everything he thought he knew about himself had shattered. he didn't know whether to blame felix or thank him, but he was definitely at the root of his confusion.

ah, yes... "confusion." in changbin's case, this was more a term for denial. everything made perfect sense, he just desperately didn't want it to. changbin was gay. not bisexual, not straight, gay. he spent so long clinging to his last fragile thread of heterosexuality that he almost fooled himself. he was terrified. ashamed. and it seemed that pigs would fly before he admitted this to himself.

"hyung," jisung chanted for the 5th time, clicking right in front of changbin's face and finally yanking him from his trance-like state. the younger raised his eyebrow inquisitively.

"s-sorry, just thinking..." he trailed off. jisung stared at him expectingly, waiting for an elaboration. changbin glared right back at him, no intent of a further explanation evident in his expression. the younger decided to bravely verbalise his worries, even after the warning glance the older shot his way.

"are you okay, hyung?" jisung questioned, placing his hand on the older's arm. "wanna tell me what's on your mind?"

"nope," changbin shook his head, popping the 'p' rather harshly as a signal to stop pressing. jisung knew that changbin could be difficult sometimes and trusted that he'd share what was wrong when he was ready to on his own terms. letting it go for now, jisung shrugged and directed his attention back to the track.

the track that had to be completed in mere weeks. the track that was for his band's first ever mini tour. the track for the tour they'd all waited months to gain approval for.

'get it together, changbin,' the older internally growled at himself.

after about an hour of exhaustively trying, changbin finally got himself in the zone. the track was now taking a turn in the opposite direction. he decided on making a harsher beat, writing a stronger rap, throwing himself into a seemingly unrelenting violent flow. his words and phrases were brimming with rasp and fury; like a sergeant in the battlefield, raging and determined; like a wolf in the wild, hunting for survival.

but he's not taking anything out on the music. not at all.