Will you still love me?

I'm not crazy.

Alright, this chapter will be just Delirious' P.O.V.
I apologize for anything I decide to go with in advance.

Delirious P.O.V.

I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm...happy,
I mumble to myself while staring in the mirror, 'I'm happy.'
I don't know who I'm trying to convince anymore.
Myself or the voices?
That seems to be the constant question.

I cup my hands and fill them with water, splashing it onto my face.
If you haven't noticed yet, Evan isn't home.
He had to fly back home to finalize he was moving in with me, that thought makes me smile.

I haven't mentioned to Vanoss, but the voices come back more often than usual.
Even if I'm with him, there's at least one trying to bother me.
I stare at myself in the mirror again, 'I'm h-' I can't even finish my sentence, because a very familiar ringing shatters my thoughts.

I look around for the pills I haven't had to take in so long, my little happy pill.
When I finally find the bottle, I clutch it in my hands and take two.

The ringing starts to subside, but the whispering doesn't.
It
Never
Stops

Evan. Evan. Evan. Evan.
Just think of Evan.
I open the bathroom door and run downstairs looking for my phone, Evan.
After I find it, I look through my pictures to find the one of him smiling.
Evan.
I finally find it, causing the voices to stop.
All except the one that is always there.
The one that sounds like...Wildcat.
He's always there, he's always judging me.
He never leaves, if I mess up, even if its the tiniest mistake, he blows it up bigger than it is.
He makes me feel terrible, no matter what. He knows what to say to hurt me. He's the main cause of my nightmares, he's the main cause of my pain.
No, he's not.
If I never had such a fucked up past, Wildcat wouldn't bother me as much.

~Flashback

"Push me higher, mom!" I squealed.
It was a peaceful day, one of the days my dad wasn't home leaving just me and my mom.
We always went to the park on these days.

My dad started hating me after he came in and saw my neighbor and I on a playdate.
I didn't understand what I did wrong, I was just going with my feelings.
My mom says my dad was raised to be homophobic, but I don't know what that means.

My mom suddenly stepped out from behind the swing to answer her phone.
I started slowing down in the process.
Her face became a permanent frown when she answered the phone, mumbling responses I couldn't hear.
As she hung up the phone, my swing was slowly coming to a halt.

She sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair looking at me with tears in her eyes.
"Your father wants us home."
My swing stopped, I immediately began sobbing, "No, mommy! Don't make me! Don't let him hurt me again!" I screamed.

She started crying, and got her things together.
She grabbed my arm and caused me to follow her to our car.
I tried pulling free but to no avail, "Mommy please!" I started sobbing harder.
She wiped her arm on her sleeve, and pushed me in the car.

When she got in, I looked at her and asked, "Why do you hate me, mommy?" She stared at me, and turned to the front.
I don't want to go home.

~Flashback over

I hate that memory.
That was the moment I gave up on trusting anyone, I hated my mom and my dad.

Hate is a strong word, but my mom never tried to stop it and well my dad caused it.

The only person who knows about any of this is Lui, I broke down and told him. I couldn't help it I needed to tell someone. Lui was the first person to show me not everyone was as bad as I thought.
I wish Evan were here, but I don't want him to think I'm weak. I don't want to be that boyfriend that's annoying and clingy and relies on the other for everything. I love him so much, but I can't be a burden on him like that.

I have until tomorrow to hold on until Vanoss gets home.
I know I can do it, I have to.
----

It's about 3 am now (a/n if you guys were wondering why its usually always 3 am its bc I like Eminem a lot mk) and I still haven't slept.
'I'm happy' I say I continue staring into nothing, 'I. Am. Happy.'
I glance at the clock and see I have 20 minutes until its 4 am, Evan is supposed to get here at 6.

'He's probably not going to come back, I mean who would come home to see you' a voice, of course sounding like Wildcat, says.
"SHUT UP!" I scream out of frustration, tears welling up in my eyes, "I'm so tired of you fucking voices. Why won't you just leave me alone!? I'm not crazy!"
At this point I just let the tears flow, "IM NOT CRAZY!"

The next thing I knew I was running around, screaming. Its probably best I live secluded away from others or they'd call the cops.
I stopped screaming and tried to catch my breath, but it seemed impossible. I'm guessing I wasted all of my energy because I ended up seeing black which led to me passing out from exhaustion.

---
WHADDUP
ITS PEWDSCRYAOTICKEN!
I'm sorry if this sucked, I'm pretty happy with it though.
Give me feedback?