Ruin my life (Gustav åhr)

twenty nine

I fell asleep hard on the hill. Once id awoken the sun was burning my eyes, i turned over and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

1 missed call
Trace

I dialled his number and called him back,
"Sup dude?" I said as i cleared my throat,
"Yo Gus where the fuck are you?" He asked,
"A hill somewhere, whats wrong?"
"That bitch you left with last night, did you guys fuck?" He asked and i sighed, "Yea.."
"I fucking can't believe you Gus.."
"I cant believe it myself..but no word to y/n at all about this, i was just really fucked up and upset about everything she's going through i wanted to forget it any way possible.." I face palmed myself and Tracy laughed, "so you cheated on her because it sucks to see her in pain, but you're adding more fucking pain to her shit you're a fucking dick, you always tell me you're done with thots and you want a real girl and you fucking have one and look at what you did to her, you hurt her and she doesn't even know it yet, get your fucking act together Gus, or else i'm gonna fucking tell her." He screamed and hung up the phone. I was shocked, he really cared for Lauren that much...i deserved that..

I got up from the ground and my back ached. I made my way back to our hotel and found Lauren standing in front of the tour bus, she looked at her watch.
I looked at her and faked a smile, she faked one back. "Hi." She mumbled, "I packed everything it's on the bus, it's time to get going Gus." She said as she pointed to our bags and went into the bus, i sighed as i placed the bags under the bus and made my way to her inside. We kept quiet as we drove both of us had nothing to say. Tracy gave me a death stare and eventually grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me into the back part of the tour bus.
"Tell her." He clenched his jaw, "I'm all she has Trace." I exclaimed, "No way im breaking her heart."
"You already have, she just doesn't know yet."
"When tour's over i'll do it." I promised, he rolled his eyes, "Not good enough. Do it now." He pushed me back towards her and i bit my lip,
"Laury can we talk?" I asked, she shrugged and followed me into the bathroom.

She sat on the counter of the small sink and i stared at her, "I'm sorry i didn't come back to the room last night." "That's cool, i slept mostly." She said vaguely,
"I slept with another girl last night.." My voice broke as i said it and she sighed, "Understandable.."
"What why?" I asked surprised and she sighed again, "Because im disgusting and we haven't had sex in a while and we probably won't for awhile and i understand you have urges, so it's whatever."
"Lauren no....it was not okay...i can wait for you.." I mumbled with tears in my eyes, "and you're not disgusting, you're fucking beautiful lauren, and i fucked up, i was on so many drugs and i'm so sorry.."
"Well i think i might go home at the next city, this tour doesn't hold much for me anymore, i shouldn't have ever came after what happened.." She hopped off the counter and walked away from the bathroom, i stared at her as Tracy opened his arms and she fell into them, he hugged her tightly and i continued to cry as they climbed up to a top bunk and she hugged him tightly. I appreciated how much he cared for her. I sat under them and shut my eyes hoping i would drift off to sleep.

Lauren pov

"Lauren im so sorry, i'm so disappointed in him.." Tracy said as he hugged me, i let out a big heavy sigh as i let go of him, we laid facing each other,
"Gus and i are just too broken to be together.." I flashed a broken smile and he pushed my hair behind my ear, "He loves you so much,"
"Too much, he blames himself for what happened and honestly thats whats fucking with him, and him fucking someone else isn't better.." I teared up and tracy wiped my tears, "I think i want another bar, do you have one?" He made a confused face and handed me one, "thanks." i shoved it in my mouth and gulped, "Lauren..uh, let me come back to New york wit you, i got a call my family needs me, its kind of an emergency, so let's go back together, let me crash at your place?" I bit my lip, "sure thing, is everything okay? You're leaving tour for this?"
"Yeah, my mom has a little health thing, she's having a small surgery done, shes scared, i wanna be there for her." "Im sorry.." I mumbled, he shrugged, "its okay, shes gonna be fine.."

New York

"So this is our place." I said as Tracy followed behind me, "You painted." He noticed and i chuckled sadly, "Yeah i thought it matched Gus.."
We dropped our bags into each of our rooms. I let Tracy stay with me because he didn't have a place in New York. I missed Gus. We barely said goodbye to each other.

Tracy and i well...Tracy cooked some steak for dinner and we ate. It was a quiet night. Tracy poked at his left over meat. He glanced at me and i looked at him, "So Lauren.." He began, "Do you think its over between you two?"
I took a deep breath and thought about it,
"It can't be. Gus is..my whole world Tracy...He really helped me and now he just made me feel like...like being raped was even worse than it was, like i deserved to get cheated on, that's how worthless i am because of it.." I cried into my palms and Tracy reached over and hugged me, "Gus loves the fuck out of you and he makes mistakes Lauren, i get you feel worse, i can't imagine how you feel but i get it, the mind is a piece of shit and over complicates shit, but nothing that happened to you, you deserved, the world is just filled with shitty people...Forget Gus, what ever happened to your boss?"
"Case was dismissed.." I bit my lip,
he leaned in and hugged me tightly, squeezing me,
"Fuck that guy, i can hire someone to get rid of him, if you want that.." Tracy gave me a stern serious look. "No Tracy, it's okay.."

Once the night ended Tracy and i shared the guest bed room, because i didn't wanna sleep alone because i was scared i'd have a bad dream or Mark would break in. I tossed and turned in bed and Tracy opened his eyes after i did it for so long.
"Cant sleep?" He raised an eyebrow, i sighed, "no."
"You wanna fall asleep in my arms then?" He proposed, i bit my lip, i pulled myself closer to him, "im sorry this must be weird for you." I huffed,
"It's not, we're best friends remember?" He assured and i nodded, "I had much fun when we went to that museum, thanks for asking me to go Lauren."
"I knew a bond with you would come handy." I chuckled, "i appreciate you being here for me." I added, "No problem Lauren." He lifted my chin so i stared into his eyes, "you know, you're so beautiful." He smiled at me, "Thanks." i said nervously,
"i can understand why Gus fell in love with you."
"sadly he did huh." I sighed.

The night ended there and we both slept peacefully.