Ruin my life (Gustav åhr)

thirty two

"Lauren im back!" I scream through out the apartment, but it was empty. I walked through and found her no where, and her stuff had been taken out of the house, her clothes no longer in my room as i searched for them, her perfume no longer on the night stand, and her shampoo no longer in the shower...i sat on the bed, "why..lauren..she's all i fucking had!" I cried out, i reached for my phone and hadn't noticed the thirty missed calls from her five hours ago..what made her change her mind.
I listened to her voicemails and they made me sadder, i leaned back on the bed and felt myself crumple something..i grabbed it, a note.

dear Gustav,
it pains me to move out of our beautiful apartment, our home, i hated to see that photo shattered on the floor of our home which is supposed to make us happy. I have adored living with you like i suspected i would and i will miss the pink walls, but most importantly i will miss your pink hair and your amazing ability to make me feel so beautiful.
I have never loved anyone like i have loved you Gus, you bring me happiness like i've never felt, yet bring me a sadness i've never felt too. It's like the universe just doesn't want us to be together, or maybe we're just shitty people. I tried to be my best self with you, but maybe you brought out the worse. Please don't hurt yourself while im gone, and please remember me as the girl who gave you hope, not the girl who got raped. I have been given a place to stay by a close friend and i think you should make up with tracy, i promise you he was never disrespectful to you. And im sorry i have hurt you Gus. You are and always will be my world, i hope you can forgive me. I love you always
Laury xoxo
Ps. you have the most beautiful soul i think i'll ever get to know. Thank you for being apart of my life and teaching me things i won't forget.

I cried and i cried and i cried. Where could she have possibly gone? this was the worst decision, we could have made it work this is none sense!
I grabbed my phone and dialled her number, it immediately went to voice mail. I called Mandy next,
"Gus?" She answered, "Interesting to have you call, wanna come over or something?" I could sense her smirk, i sniffled, "Do you know where Lauren is?" I asked. "No so sorry, maybe try calling Nadia." She suggested and gave me the number, i called and she suggested i call someone else. And then eventually after calling many more people i thought about who she could really be with. Who was she close to? In the past or present.

Tracy,
That guy in Hawaii,
Colby
Brennen

Huh. Short list.

I called Tracy and he didn't pick up, i left him a voicemail and apologized for earlier, he was my dawg and i didn't mean to cause a fight, i trusted him more than i trusted myself.
I decided not to bother with the hawaïenne guy since she only met him once.
Colby was next, but i didn't have his number. I decided to send him a dm. i asked him for his number and eventually he answered.
"Hey." I said firmly as he picked up the phone,
"sup," he responded, "Im really not having a good day right now.." I said sadly, "I need to find Lauren."
"What? Lauren's missing?" He asked suspiciously,
"No no, she left me and i was wondering if she's staying with you?" I asked bluntly,
"No sorry, shes not.."
"She has no other friends, do you suggest anyone besides Mandy and jess. She wasn't close to anyone else." I rubbed the back of my neck and Colby sighed through the phone, "im sorry man but i cannot help you."
"You know Lauren told me about your bond, she says you always save her when she needs saving. Why wouldn't she call you now?" I asked with suspicion, he sighed, "you know i love Lauren, she's my soulmate, she's the most beautiful girl i have set my eyes on, but she didn't call me this time, i bet she's ashamed for leaving me for you, and to be honest with you i wouldn't come save her this time, maybe the next. I gotta go man, im sorry about Lauren." He hung up, i threw my phone across the room, hoping it smashed to pieces.

Lauren

i sat in Colby's living room as he walked in with his suitcase, he smiled at me lightly,
"It was a nice day, right?" He asked, i nodded eating pineapple from his fridge.
"I'll probably be back sooner than you think." He sent me another smile and i sent one back,
"Cant wait."
He turned towards the door to leave and then stopped. "Come to L.A." He said, i furrowed my eyebrows as he turned around.
"Ill pay your flight." He offered,
"i couldn't.." I denied but he insisted,
"You're going to be here all alone and bored and sad, just tag along, it'll be like old times."
"I guess why not.." I said standing up, i placed my pineapple in the fridge and walked into the guest room, packing my clothes into a suitcase. I guess i was pretty excited about this, it'd take my mind off things...

Colby stood at the door as i finished packing, shutting the suitcase, he smiled as i turned to him, i couldn't help but return the smile.
"I miss Devyn and Kat." I admitted as we walked out of the apartment, "im sure they miss you too."

L.A

L.A. was just as beautiful as i remembered it to be, i used to visit this place so much. We stood outside the airport waiting for Corey to pick us up, It's sad to realize how isolated i had become when i used to travel the world constantly, Colby reached over to hold my hand and i let him gladly, its like he knew exactly when i was thinking depressing thoughts, he looked at me with his piercing blue eyes. I couldn't help but think of Gus and his brown beautiful eyes, i sighed, he squeezed my hand a way of telling me i wasn't alone and Corey pulled up, "Hey!! ohh.." He said as he noticed me when he had rolled his window down. "Lauren!" Devyn said as she got out of the passenger side pulling me in for a hug.
"Hi." I said softly as i felt myself panic from the not consented hug.
"Colby you didn't mention, well that you were bringing..your ex girlfriend back from New york.
Hows your current girlfriend gonna feel..?" Corey said once we got into the car, i bit my lip nervously as Colby answered, "She's going through something complicated and i didn't want her to be alone, shes more important to me than Jess.." He held my hand again and smiled at me, i smiled back lightly, not too excited for the out come of all this. "Jess is going to flip." Devyn laughed.

Once we got to the house Sam and Kat were in the kitchen talking about filming a new youtube video and i said hello to them, Sam pulled me into a hug and Kat did the same, it was odd to see these people again especially after the pain i caused Colby, i felt extremely embarrassed. "Lauren..you okay?" Colby asked as i stood their silently while everyone chatted, "No colby, do they hate me?" i questioned, he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "why would they?"
"Because of what happened between us.." i looked down sadly and he chuckled, "Guys," he spoke up,
"Do you hate Lauren?" He asked, they all shook their heads and denied, "I love you since Kansas." Sam gave me puppy eyes, "like a sister." He smiled,
"yeah dont worry about it Lauren, lil peep is quite the catch if you ask me. Colby could not compare." Xeph said as she walked out of the living room, "Oh my god Xeph!" I ran to her and hugged her, she was my absolute favourite of all the friends. "Did you wanna stay with me instead of sleeping on Colby's couch?" She asked, i contemplated, "mmm not sure, ill think about it. How long have you been here and you didnt come say hi?" i asked, she chuckled, "i went to the bathroom. I was here helping Sam and Kat."

Xepher and i caught up on the couch, she asked me all sorts of questions about my relationship with Colby and then my relationship with Gus, i told her about the rape and she cried with me, held my hand, i missed her so much, "So what're you going to do?" She asked once we finished catching up,
"I dont know.." i sighed, "Maybe you should...message him.." She looked at me and i shook my head, "no way."
"Lauren if that was you who got left like that...you'd be so heart broken, he needs..closure or to at least know you're safe after all thats happened, you both love each other so much you can't walk out of each others lives like nothing." Xepher explained and i sighed admitting she was right,
i opened up my phone and messaged him,

ma Boo🥴🥺: im in LA, im safe, please dont worry about me Gus, i love you, forever and always..❤️

"Xeph i love him so much." I cried, she pulled me into her arms, "Im jealous you got to fuck such a legend.." She said which made me chuckle, "he has a big dick." i mumbled while crying which made us laugh even more. "Lucky bitch." She exclaimed.