Ruin my life (Gustav åhr)

thirty

2 weeks later
New york

The front door opened and in stepped Tracy, i stared at him from the couch, "Hey." He said as he walked towards me, he sat next to me as i watched him,
"How's your mom?" I asked, he had his eyes shut, "She's recovering well. thanks for asking."
"You wanna do something today?" He asked,
"Like what?"
"Let me take you out to dinner, you haven't left the house since we got here two weeks ago." He offered,
that was very true, damn. I sighed, "i dunno."
"Come on, or pick anywhere. We could go."
"Hmmm let's go to..the club?" I raised an eyebrow, he gave me a confused look, "the club? Is that for real?"
"Yeah, it's been awhile since i've been." i threw him a reassuring look and he made an unsure look, "i dont know.." "You said i could pick!" I said, there was no unconvincing me.

Later that night i put on ripped jeans and a crop top, my stomach showed but that's it. I made my way out of my room and Tracy raised his eyebrows in shock as he noticed me, "Wow Lauren..are you sure that's what you wanna wear?"
"Is that a bad wow? Cause then yes." I bit my lip, he shook his head, "you look mesmerizing." We made our way out of my apartment and took a taxi to the club. Once we got there we skipped the line because Tracy knew the bouncer and we found ourselves waiting for drinks, guys stared at me, and i smiled seductively, it felt weird. I didn't feel sexy like i used to, i felt disgusting and broken...maybe i could..feel sexy again with one of these guys.

I walked away from Tracy and went onto the dance floor, i danced by myself and suddenly felt hands on my waist and i jumped, turning around and punching whoever in the face.
"Oh my god im sorry." i shouted into the guy's ear. He chuckled as he wiped his eye, "That's okay, nice throw." He shouted back, "Thanks." I blushed lightly and looked around, "So do you wanna dance?" I stared up at him and nodded quickly, the boy grabbed my waist and pulled me up against him. We danced and grinded for what seemed like a long time until i felt something grab my wrist. I stared at Tracy dumbfounded, "Hey leave her be." The man defended me, Tracy chuckled, "i know her, Lauren, shouldn't you be hanging with me?"
"No its okay, im having fun here." I made special eyes at the guy behind me. Tracy gave me a confused look, and walked away. I turned right back to the guy who seemed to have an oddly weird resemblance to my fucking rapist, i shut my eyes tightly and once i opened them it went away, i quickly lost myself with the crowd running away from this boy.

I bumped into someone hard and looked up to find Tracy with a sad look on his face. He held my hand and pulled me out of the club. We got into a taxi and he said our apartment address. "I just wanna keep you safe. Wether thats from yourself or someone else." He kissed my hand and i sighed,
"Thanks Tracy, i guess i got ahead of myself.."
Once we got into the apartment i threw on my hottest outfit and ran into the living room to find Tracy, he set his phone down once he noticed me.
"Hey." I smirked, he had a confused look,
"Is there a reason you're wearing such a nice revealing dress?"
I sighed, "Its stupid." I made my way next to him and sat down. "I just wanna feel sexy." i mumbled, he looked over at me, "really?"
"Yea.."
"Well you're really sexy. So so so sexy." He winked at me, i bit my lip, "you're lying."
"No, the only reason i hadn't try to kiss you is because of Gus, you've been his girl. But that night we met and you stole my controller i was amazed that Gus could bring someone so sexy home. It was honestly a big surprise. You're out of his league, and mine." He chuckled, "Now stop looking for validation you don't need. You're the hottest girl in New York."
That's it. I grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him passionately, Tracy was so sweet to come to New York to keep me company, to make me feel safe and secure, it was sexy all together. He kissed me back and i climbed onto his lap, grinding onto him. I felt him get hard and i bit his lip and continued to kiss him, He pulled away and i stared at him confused,
"Lauren." He said sternly, "We're better than this."
I raised an eyebrow, "Gus is your man, not me, i do not wanna take advantage of you when you feel down, everything's going to be okay, and i mean, you see what kind of spell you have on me and my dick, that's something." He smirked, i rolled my eyes,
"Gus cheated on me Trace, who cares if we hook up."
"Gus would care, he loves you and so would you in the future." He gave me a sad look and i looked at him furiously, "Everyone just fucking rejects me, except my fucking rapist apparently." I threw myself off the couch and stormed off, I quickly turned around and looked at Tracy,
"You know Gus cheating on me proves he doesn't love me nor does he think im sexy, he made me feel completely worthless. Like the rape made me a different person." I wiped my tears and ran into my room, changing and throwing myself into bed.

"Laury?" I heard his voice whisper, my eyes opened and i looked at Gus with a perfect smile on his lips,
"You are so perfect." He kissed down my collarbone and i smiled at his actions. "Can you please forgive me?" i looked up to see him standing above me crying, "Lauren i love you, and im so sorry, i was fucked up, i never meant to hurt you, i just felt overwhelmed and that wasn't okay nor a good excuse but-" I cut him off and kissed his lips, he suddenly disappeared and i was alone again, in a cold dark room.

"GUS!" I screamed as my eyes opened from slumber.