Watermelon & Sapphire - Vmin

Chapter 30: Seoul Pt. 10

Taehyung's POV

"You did what?!" Namjoon and Jin yelled simultaneously.

  I held my gaze to the ground. "I had to do it. He'll live happier once he's out, and he won't have me to ruin his life. Not only that, but mother wants me to marry Jungkook."

They stayed quiet for a while before Namjoon sighed and rubbed his temples. "I need some time to think."

With that said, Namjoon left the room. Jin and I were the only ones left in silence.

"I should go." I say quickly getting up.

"Taehyung?" Jin said as I reached the door.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not saying that what you did was wrong or right, but either way you made this choice. I just hope you can live with the consequences."

I look back at him one more time with a nod and stepped out of the house. I walked towards my car with a solemn atmosphere. Even though it's only been a day, I feel like I've been having a nightmare for so long. And I'm tired.

--

Jimin's POV

During my time in prison, I met a couple people who were willing to listen and accept my truth. Most of them were out already, but there was only one person I could count on.

"So what are your plans once you get out?" I asked him.

"I don't know probably work three jobs. I promised my little sister I wouldn't steal anymore." He said, swinging his legs back and forth whilst sitting on top of the picnic table outside.

His name was Yeonjun. He was four years younger than me. He had stolen from a couple of people which got him arrested, but he did out of desperateness.

His parents died and the only close relative his siblings and him trusted threw them out because they actually detested their family, so Yeonjun dropped out of college and began to work.

The money he had made wasn't enough and started taking another job. Still, the money he'd make barely would cover for food and hot showers. He started stealing with a couple other people who were in need as well, but his sentence was harsher because he took most of the blame.

"What about you?" he asked me.

"I don't know. I'll think about it while I'm still in here. I've still got plenty of years left." I said.

"You're not going to try to see him after all this?"

"No, he's getting married remember?"

"And you're going to give up on him like that?"

"What choice do I have?"

"Well, you have the choice to stay here or escape somewhere with him. If it were up to me, I'd leave. Even so, it's your life and your choice if you want to live in misery."

I kept quiet for a bit, trying to organize my thoughts, and for the first time in a while, I started to feel something stir. "He'll be happier without me."

"But have you ever asked him what makes him truly happy?"

Once again, I stay quiet, processing what he just said. What makes Taehyung happy? Why am I thinking of him right now? Thinking just brings pain. "Can we not talk about this anymore?"

"Avoiding all this isn't going to help."

"It'll get me to stop thinking. Not thinking helps me."

No one spoke for a while either trying to think of something else to say or trying to lock away their thoughts. Two completely different people stared back at each other; both trying to deal with the situation with opposite techniques.

"Don't you love him?" Yeonjun asked suddenly.

I hesitated in answering. "I like him."

"Like?"

"Yes, like. There's a difference."

"Okay. Then, how are you so sure that it's not love you feel?"

"Because I wouldn't need to stop thinking about the pain of not having him near me. Love isn't about your selfish needs, but about the their's. If he doesn't want me in his life then I have to accept that.

Being in jail helps get over him because I won't see his face everywhere, people can beat me and I'll be distracted by the outer pain. If I escape and run to him, then I'll become selfish!"

  The once hard wall of steel began to rust. Pain flooded through the gates like rushing water. I felt something, and I hated it. The urge to want his heart and his love. His touch and his warmth. I want him, but it's selfish.

  "I have no right to him anymore." I choked out. My throat tightened and burned as I kept my sobs from coming out. "He doesn't want me. I should respect his feelings and his necessities."

  "Why?!" Yeonjun yelled. He was probably fed up with the constant excuses I made. "Didn't you say his mom had control over him?! That his marriage is forced?! That he left because he thought you'd be happier?! Don't you think he was being so selfish that he had ignored your own thoughts?!"

  "Maybe the fact that he was being selfish is that he doesn't truly love me."

  Another excuse.

  "Damn it, Jimin! Are you even hearing yourself! Hearing you say things like this is pathetic!"

  "I'm sorry..."

  "No! You can't just say 'sorry'! You can't just let these kind of things slide over your ideology of love!"

  Before I could say anything else, us prisoners were called back inside after being out in the yard for a while. It was time for Yeonjun and me to separate. The thoughts scratched at the doors of my mind like dogs scratching at their kennels.

  The intensity slowly was driving me insane. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the words out of my head. The never ending thoughts swirled inside slowly creating a ticking time bomb.

  When I got back to my cell, the others were waiting for me. Even as they beat me up, the words wouldn't stop. The pain that they inflicted on me wasn't working anymore, and it just added more to my situation.

  Without thinking, I started lashing out at the criminals. I kept punching and kicking. I didn't allow them to hold me down because of the damn thoughts running through my head. I just wanted them to stop.

  Soon, the guards appeared. I fought them as well. They had to forcefully drag me into my own solitary cell. It felt like I was trying to swim up from the bottom of the ocean.

  I curled up in my bed and laid there with streaming tears. How many times have I cried so far for you, Taehyung? Yeonjun's words were finally starting to work themselves inside my brain despite all my struggle to resist. How can you just leave me all alone while you're so damn free?!

  How can you just let your mother trample all over you like a damn doormat! I hate you, Kim Taehyung! I hate you for making me think about you and our memories! I hate that you make me yearn for your affection and love! And I hate you make me feel selfish for wanting to love you!

Do I really love you despite my selfish thoughts?

ㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗㅜㅗ

  A/N: Hey guys! I forgot to write the author's note! I was trying to upload this while doing something else so it completely slipped my mind. Also, I should be doing homework but I got distracted.
  Before I go, if you watch Thai BL's, I recommend Theory of love if you haven't watched it. I kept on crying throughout the show. 😢
  Thank you for reading!❤️

Date: 03/23/20
Word count: 1276 words