As One

Chapter 8

-this chapter mentions a miscarriage, so if you're uncomfortable don't read-

"Wrong foot Joe. You start on your left not right." Dianne sighs, turning the music off.

It was the first week of rehearsals and it was fair to say I was struggling.

We were dancing a Salsa to Let's Gets Loud by Jennifer Lopez. A Salsa on Week One. This was one of the hardest dances I thought, and to do it Week One was killing me off.

We'd been dancing for at least six hours and I needed a break.

"I know. I know, I'm sorry. Look, why don't we take a break? You and I both know we could do with it."
"Fine. OK. Let's have lunch." She mumbles looking down at her phone.

Had I done something wrong?

I go to grab her hand and turn her to face me. "Di have I done something wrong?" I ask with concern laced in my voice.

She shakes her head. "No you've done nothing wrong. Joe I need to tell you something." She whispers.
"Oh? Are you OK, is everything alright?" Now I was 100% worried.
"Joe, I've been hiding something from you. Something big," She pauses. "Erm, a few weeks back I found out I was pregnant,"
So that's why she's been so quiet. I figured she was stressed with this dance that I didn't question it. Wait?! Was? I nod. "What do you mean you were?"
"I miscarried, Joe. Two days ago." She cried.
My heart was breaking. Why didn't she tell me? And why didn't she let me come to the hospital with her?
"Di, sweetheart, why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to worry you. It all happened so quickly that I didn't have time to register it myself. I panicked and phoned Amy who took me to the hospital, and brought me back. And I guess I never told you, because I was worried you'd leave me. So I'd kept it to the back of my mind, trying to forget about it, until I'd figured a way to tell you. I'm so so sorry, Joe. I should have told you. And now thanks to me, we've lost the baby. I know they weren't planned, but when I first found out, I wanted to abort it. But then after I'd miscarried, I blamed it on myself. This is my fault, Joe. This is God's way of punishing me, for wanting to abort our baby." She sobbed uncontrollably into my arms, I rubbed her back, whispering sweet things into her ear as she felt a lot more relaxed.
"Darling," I sigh. "You should have told me. I wouldn't have left you, we would have figured a way out. Together. Baby, I love you, more than you probably know. And to know you'd gone through this on your own, breaks me. I'm not mad, of course I'm not. I'm just so sorry you went through this on your own. But Dot this is not your fault, OK? It isn't God's way of punishing you. OK? It clearly wasn't meant to be. Please don't blame this on yourself, alright. And promise me, next time, you'll tell me. You can tell me anything." I finish just holding her.

"I know and again I'm sorry. I guess I was worried you'd try and talk me out of abortion. I'm not one for it usually, but I guess my mind wasn't thinking clearly and it was the first thing that popped into my head," She answers. "I obviously would never have gone through with it. I know that now." She sighs.

"Di it's your body. I'd never, ever talk you into doing anything you didn't want to. Whether I agreed with it or not. Your body. Your choice. But please, talk to me about these things, I don't ever want you to feel on your own. And I'd never leave you, OK? I know we haven't been together very long, but honestly Dot, you're my whole, entire world. And I love you, so incredibly much. I never want to lose you." I admit.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I kept it from you. But can we put it behind us now? Focus on this dance?"

I nod. "Sure but we need food first."

/ / / /

"I think we should call it day, yeah?" She nods, placing her phone into her bag. "Shall we head to mine, order in and watch a film?"
"Sounds like a plan. I'll order the Uber."

Once we'd got back to mine, I let Dianne have a shower. The lads were out somewhere, I've no idea where to be honest. But it was just me and Di. "What do you fancy for food?" I ask once she's finished in the shower, as I do a double take. She was in nothing but my over sized tee and it took all the strength I had in me not to take her there and then.

"I fancy a...." She pauses. "Sugg special." She smirks.
"That can be arranged but later," I wink. "So, Chinese? Indian? Italian?"
"Let's get a Domino's. I'm in the mood for a pizza. But shall we share one?"
"Sure. You pick, I'll order." I grin.

/ / / /

"Joe?" Dianne asks after we'd eaten.

I pause the film we're currently watching and turn to look at her. "Yeah?" I say with a smile.
"About earlier... With the whole miscarriage thing,"
"What about it?" I ask.
"Well, erm, I know we've not spoken about it, but do you want kids?" She had gone all nervous, bless her.

Taking hold of her hands, I stare into her big, beautiful honey brown eyes. "Do you want my honest truth?" She nods. "I've always seen myself as a Dad. I'd want nothing more than to have kids, two or three. A boy and girl or a boy and two girls. A house in the countryside, with a dog and the most beautiful woman on my arm to show off." I smile.
"And marriage?" She asks.

"I'll be honest, I was never really that bothered about the whole marriage thing. Yeah I wanted to settle down and have kids, and be with the same woman for the rest of my life. But marriage? I was never sure. I think because my parents got divorced, it made me look at marriage in a different light, and I swore I'd never marry because it would end in heartbreak. But since meeting you, and hearing about how in love still your parents and grandparents are, it changed my opinion on it.
I can see how that marriage isn't always for everyone and some people do fall out of love, but they don't always end up hating each other.

But when I look at you. Do you know what I see?" She shakes her head. "I see a woman sat in front of me, with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. A woman who I know would make the most beautiful wife, and perfect Mum. A woman who is my future. A woman who I'm going to spend my life with and raise her kids with. A woman that I promise right here, right now, one day, I'm going to marry." Her eyes, even though they were full of water, shone brighter than any star in the sky and were so clear. She was the one. She was my one. My whole, entire world. My future.

"That is the cutest thing anyone has probably ever said to me. I want all those things too. And I want them all with you. The countryside house. The dog. The kids. Marriage. That's the life I want. With you," She beams as a tear falls. I wipe it away with my thumb, kissing it as I do so. "I love you." She whispers.
"I love you, too." I mumble against her lips.