Let me save you (Completed/Editing)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight - Let Me Save You

(*Excuse any errors)

-Jordan-

It's been a full week since Blaine fell into a coma. The doctors don't know why he's not waking up and why he's having seizures. I don't understand how a gunshot in his abdomen caused him to go into a coma. The seizures aren't explainable either.

No one can tell me what's happening to him yet all of them can tell me not to lose hope. It's been hard not drinking, I've been going through withdrawals and it sucks. Every part of my body hurts, I have night tremors, I feel hot when it's cold and cold when it's hot.

My dad has been force-feeding me green smoothies to help me cleanse. He thinks what he's doing is helping me but it's making me feel like shit. No one knows what I'm going through but they keep pressing on the advice that I should stay strong.

I've been meeting with Jackie privately and it's better than sitting in a group. She's been trying to help me find other more productive ways to cope. I run and do yoga in the morning. I meditate at night as well. She advised that I should abstain from sex, that was pretty pointless of her to say because I've only slept with two people in my life. I'm not planning of sleeping with anyone that's not Blaine.

All in all, it's been a shitty yet insightful week. I've visited Blaine three times and each time, I read him a chapter from the last book he was reading. He left it on my armchair and I thought it might bring him some comfort. I don't know if he can hear me, I hope he heard me.

I haven't spoken to Charlotte, Henry, Helena, or Porter since they all decided to lie to me. I was going to do the same with my dad but it was virtually impossible. I know they were trying to help but that was a very shitty way of helping. Especially Charlotte.

I've had to drive Rayna around since I destroyed my other car. My dad doesn't trust me with his cars so he won't even let me drive the Jeep anymore. I will get a new car but not now.

"So, how do you feel?" Jackie asks breaking through my train of thought. I snap my eyes towards her, "I've been craving the numbness that drinking gave me. I can't close my eyes without seeing his face after he took a bullet for me. I go to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and dry heaving. It's like I'm reliving my worst nightmare..." I answer honestly.

She nods and jots something down on her clipboard. "So you're detoxing?" She asks in a smooth gentle tone.

"I guess but it feels awful. Some nights I just want a drink. If not the whole bottle then maybe a glass."

"The meditation, is it helping at all?"

"Yes. Kind of, if I get cravings, I'll try to meditate and most of the time. It goes away." I run my hand through my hair to get it out of my face. I know I don't look the best but I don't care.

The pack members have tried to cheer me up which is nice of them but I wish they would just give me my space. Anytime I come out of my room, I get asked a billion questions all about my drinking. It's annoying.

"I know I'm getting better because I haven't tried to access any alcohol. I know there's plenty in the house but I willingly stay away from it. I really do want to leave the drinking behind but..."

"Time. It takes time to fully heal. You know they say that time heals all wounds."

"That's true but sometimes I feel like the hands on my clock are rusted and broken. Still stuck in a loop where suffering is the only hour that it can land on."

She frowns, "Acceptance can be the oil it needs Jordan. Most of the time, our pain and suffering root from us not accepting what's been done."

I nod, "I suppose."