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she was sick, and it was hard to watch.

hard to watch the mask set to her face, her small body seeming to be swallowed by the hospital bed.

it had been twenty four hours of restless time for the two parents. they didnt eat, they didnt sleep. sitting in seperate chairs across the room from another, stomachs full of worry as their daughter slept in silence.

it was a lot easier when she was awake, able to breath on her own without the mask; her small voice seeming to take the stress off of them. but sleeping was vulnerable, which was why she had to wear a breathing mask. and that, was when it was the hardest.

violet had left to use the bathroom, the empty hospital peacefully quiet as it seemed to be sleeping. it was the second night she was spending there without sleeping a minute, her body was tired.

she came back to an empty chair, her daughter sleeping peacefully centered in the bed. it took violet off guard, not expecting finn to leave until luna was able to. it didnt seem like him, she knew that surely he was still around.

she stares in thought as she stands in the doorway, contemplating if she truely wanted to leave luna when something could turn bad quickly. but she knew that this was just as hard on finn as it was on her, and she needed him sane to take care of luna. she couldnt be left through this alone.

so reluctantly, she leaves. eyes scanning the silent hallways to find nothing but an occasional patient in a fog. her feet lead her out from the lobby to the outside, her skin pelted with the cold feburary night. violets eyes check down the parkinglot on either side from where she stood; finding finns back facing away from her, sitting on the curb in silence.

she smelled it before she approached him, before she sat down beside him and refused to look his way. she was eighteen the last time she saw him smoke.

"its that bad, huh?"

his hand that rests to his knee holds the cigarette, eyes locked to the asphalt beneath his feet.
"its her birthday, she's spent her fifth birthday in the hospital."

"we told her that we would go out to celebrate once she is better."

"yeah, but its not the same." his voice leaks out in a whisper, throat sore, eyes tired.

"she wont remember it in a few years from now."

"it's just hard-"

"shes doing well, finn. we dont need to be worried."

"its not-thats not whats so hard about it."

"i know, it hard to see her in-"

"every time i look at her i see you after the berlin trip."
he hated to bring it up, he knew it still stung. it stung for him too, trying to contain himself from crying but his voice cracked despite his efforts.
"i got the same feeling in my chest while driving to the hospital last night. like i was about to lose my entire world just like that."

violet sat silently, she didnt know how to justify how he was feeling. he bad been put through so much emotional truama in his life, having to sit and watch the people he loved go through things that he couldnt fix. she didnt blame him for smoking that night.

"im just, drained."

"you should get some sleep tonight, finn."

"i cant sleep" the last of his cigarette is dropped to the puddle of melted snow at his feet,
"im too worried about her, i couldnt even if i tired."

"yeah" violet sighs, understanding the feeling herself. she pulls her jacket covered arms over herself, the dress she had on yesterday still attached to her hips.
"i hope this isnt a forever thing for her, you know? something she grows out of."

"i didnt even know she had asthma."

"theres no way we could have, finn."

"ive just been so busy with work and the new house, i shouldnt have put her in daycare. i should have been paying more attention to her."

"this isnt your fault. its not on anybody, sometimes things just happen."
violet stares to the side of his face, watching as his eyes lock to the ground in guilt.

"i need you to keep it together, finn. i cant do this on my own."

"you wont have to do anything on your own when it comes to luna, violet. ive never not been there for her."

"i never said you weren't." she feels his coldness, sighing as she reaches for his frozen hands. despite the air smelling of smoke, he still smelled as he normally did. it was comfort when she needed it.
"we're good parents, finn."

he sighs, pulling his hand from hers. his arm wraps around her to pull violet closer to him, breathing in the warmth of her close presence.
"shes the most important thing in my entire life, violet. i feel like im not doing enough, not for what she deserves."

she understood how it was so easy to blame themselves for what happened. they werent there when they should have been.
"theres no way we could have known that that would happen."

her eyes glance up to him as her head rests to his shoulder; yet still, his eyes locked in the air in front of him.
"you have given her eveything anyone could ask for."

truth be told, violet had a deep pit of jealousy for what finn gave luna. so much of what she couldnt.

luna was doing well, the doctors hadnt had a single complication with her since she was brought in the day before during the incident. but it was their first kid, their only kid; and the statement that she had a chance of dying from the doctors lips petrified them permanently. they knew she would be okay, relieved really. but they couldnt shake the image of her there, and the thought of what it would have been like to lose her.

"we should go in," she continues to look to him in his long strike of silence.
"we could both use the sleep."

"i cant-"

"shes going to be fine, finn."

"yeah" he sighs.

"c'mon."
she stands, extending her hand for him to take. gently, he pulls himself up, leaving a gap between them as they walk back into the hospital.

it was a short night, and finn would suppose that he hardly got a blink of sleep regardless of violets reassurance. but lunas monitors beeped steadily all night, and that was enough comfort for him.

1120 wc

decided to let it mellow, this family needs a break

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