Revenant j. hale

Chapter 15

The wind was flowing through my hair as I walked along a bridge in Port Angeles. So many thoughts were swarming in my head and none of them I understood. Hands clammy and face red, I leaned against the railing. The lights of the city and the zooming cars underneath were mesmerizing in my hazy state. 

The breeze felt nice against my hot skin, despite it having just stopped raining, I was burning up. The drugs kicking in slowly but surely. Giggling I pulled myself up a little further onto the railing, leaning over in excitement. 

Pretty colors, pretty lights, the moon shining over me. The giddy feeling was taking over again along with a string of obnoxious laughs. A bird flying overhead caught my attention, making me wonder what its like to fly. 

So I climbed, almost falling right away, on top of the railing. Balancing with my arms up in the air and gasping as the air moved around me. Beautiful. Leaning a little forward to see better, a gust of wind picked up and I lost my footing.

Falling. The sinking of the stomach and the rush through your veins. The pushing of air out of your lungs as you try to breathe in and scream. And then, you land.

I knew I was screaming when I woke up. It was still caught in my throat as I heard banging at the door downstairs. We - well I - I don't have neighbors. The crying came immediately after. Hyperventilating as I scrambled out of bed, almost falling down the stairs. 

"Caylee? Are you alright?" I hear the worried voice of none other than Sam freaking Uley. 

No, I'm not. Go away. I sat down at the last step, curling into myself with my knees against my chest. Tears were still streaming down my face but I made no move to go to the door. 

"Caylee? Come on, open the door. We can talk or something. I heard you screaming while on a walk and wanted to make sure everything was okay. My name is Jared by the way. We spoke a couple times at the diner."

I remember. Jared Cameron. He was making jokes because I looked "upset" and began throwing french fries in the air and catching them in his mouth. It was a lame attempt at getting me to smile but it worked. And it was much appreciated. Of course, Paul walked in and he rushed off. I didn't really see him after that.

It had been a couple days since Gran had died.  I hadn't told anyone about it. Then again there wasn't really anyone to tell. Bella had called once and asked why I had missed school. After about 10 minutes they must have left. Nothing could be heard on the other side of the door.

Once again I was left all alone. No more parents, no more Gran, no more Paul. Even Paul's new friends have spoken to me more than he has. I had hoped he would have called after that day with his dad. 

The thought made shudders go down my spine. So for the week following the day they had knocked at my door, I spent most of my time in Gran's rocking chair. Some days I watched her recorded soaps and could practically hear her screaming at me not to mess any of them up.

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TRIGGER WARNING IF SELF HARM TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER

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A week later and awaking to yet another horrifying dream, I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. I haven't made coffee since that morning. Just thinking about it made my throat close up.

Grabbing a glass from the cupboard, I saw my medication. I haven't been taking them. There's no need when you're all alone anyway. The dreams came every night. The awful feeling of knowing what was happening to those people and the overwhelming numb feeling that came after. 

I knew what I needed to do. I had known a long time ago. Before, there were so many things that prevented me feeling like this. Nothing is left to counteract the numbness, to give me any kind of will for anything.

I knew I was supposed to die a long time ago despite what Gran said. This isn't a blessing, it's a curse. A curse that has left me alone and hurt so many times. Everything is gone now. 

I knew what I needed to do. 

Paul. One last try. Picking up the phone as I made my way to the window over the kitchen sink, I dialed his number. It stopped ringing after a moment. Not that I was surprised. 

"Paul. It's me. I know you don't wanna talk to me but I just wanted one conversation. I'm sure you've heard by now." My voice cracked at that. 

"But I just thought I'd try to call one more time. You know I love you, right? Take care of yourself please."

With that, I hung up. Leaning over the sink my breath grew heavy and loud. The drawer to your left, Caylee. They're in there. Just grab one and do it. The voice in my head was loud. It was taunting. 

One down the left arm, and a shaky hand doing the right after. I sat on the ground. Pain erupting in my body as I smiled, closing my eyes and waiting for what should have happened a long time ago. 

This chapter takes places while Alice is taking Bella to Italy if you were wondering the time frame. We're off to Eclipse now <3