Hold Tight |Jason McCann|

Chapter 43

| Savanna |

"I was pregnant"

It was like a weight had lifted my shoulders, finally being able to say it out loud but not loud enough for anybody else to hear. Just for my own satisfaction. Just for my own relief.

"What?" Her voice cracked, I couldn't look at her because I knew if I did I'd be seconds away from being in floods of tears.

"H-how? What, what happened? You lost it?" She continued to question, I could tell by her voice she was shocked.

I nodded, wiping my tears, for the first time, I was wiping my own tears. "The doctor, she said I was 5 weeks pregnant... she believes I lost it because of the physical and mental trauma of being kidnapped"

It was like I was reliving the moment.

"Oh my god" she managed to say under her breath as I stared down at the fluffy carpet underneath my feet.

"Does Jason know?" She asked, looking at me.

I shook my head a no, "I've been waiting for the right time to tell him... I just don't know how to" my voice broke again as I cried in to my hands, I felt her wrap her arms around me as I sobbed, letting all of my tears go, the ones I held back for a while now.

"Everything is going to be okay, Sav, you are so damn brave. You can do this. You will feel so much better knowing you have Jason by your side, going through the same thing you are" She explained.

I shook my head, "But I just feel so useless, Sofia... I didn't even know that I was having a baby, if I did, I could have told Cole that I was and he would never have let me go to Brazil, I could have done something" I said, looking at her with wet eyes.

"No," she paused moving my hair from my face as she held my face with her hands, making me look at her. "You are not going to blame yourself for this. You are the victim, Savanna, do you understand that? You get to cry, you get to be hateful to those who did this to you, but you do not get to be hateful towards yourself" She sternly said, looking in to my eyes.

"I need to tell Jason..." I trailed off as I wiped my tears.

"You do" she replied, using her sleeve to wipe her own.

"I will tell him when we go back home, I can't just drop it on him, that wouldn't be fair" I sighed standing up.

"Do you feel pain? When I was pregnant with Ari... the midwives gave me a talk on miscarriages, the common symptoms? Cramps, stomach aches, tiredness" She listed as she stood up.

"I have been tired this entire time because of the medications I am on... I get stomach pains and it hurts to touch there, but that's also because of my bruised ribs" I explained.

She shook her head, "How did you do it Savanna? How did you get through this pain without-"

"Going insane?" I cut off, finishing the sentence for her.

She nodded, "Knowing I could see Jason at the end of it... that's how I got through it"

We both were interrupted by a male voice and as we left my room and headed downstairs, the Male voice grew louder and we both knew who it was.

We got to the bottom of the steps to see Damien stood at the entrance, looking over at me, his eyes became... soulless.

"Savanna..." He trailed off, his voice tired and low.

"Hi" I whispered, not knowing what to say or do.

"M-mom told me you weren't here" He stuttered out.

I looked over at my mom who looked at Damien, anger in her eyes as she held Ari. "She doesn't need to see you right now, Damien. Do you understand how hard this is for her?"

"Why are you here Damien? Huh? You trying to cause more shit for your family?" Sofia spoke up, standing ahead of me now as she looked at him with sheer anger.

"I came to see Savanna, I came to tell her I was sorry" He answered. He had tears in his eyes as he looked at me, sadness taking over him instantly making my heart sink. He did wrong, he caused this, but he was still my brother, I couldn't watch him like this.

"Sorry isn't going to take back time, sorry isn't going to take away the scars on her body or the trauma that she has to remember every single day. Trauma that you caused" Sofia continued, her voice breaking towards the end.

I hated this.

"I know Sofia! Okay? I fucking know! I'm the worst brother ever, I know that. I fucked up and I can't tell you how damn sorry I am Savanna, I am so... so sorry" He continued, turning to look at me as a tear left his eye.

"I don't know what to say..." I trailed off. How was I supposed to handle a situation like this? I didn't know what I was even doing with myself, let alone what I was doing with Damien who I truly couldn't look at without crying thinking of how he ruined my home, without a single bit of hesitation in his mind.

My mom didn't raise any of us to be like that but here he was.

"You don't have to say anything, Savanna, Damien will understand" Sofia said to me, glancing at Damien with a glare.

"Sofia, why are you being so damn harsh huh? I know I did wrong, I know. But I'm guessing you fine with Jason? Huh? I'm guessing nobody talking badly to him when he is the one dating our little sister whilst being a damn murderer!" His voice was now raised and angry, I knew where this was going because we all knew Damiens temper and how it worked.

"Don't you dare bring other people in to this Damien. Take responsibility for your own actions. Jason would never put her in harms way and you know why that is? Because he fucking loves her. She's your sister and you picked a bitch like Cole over her."

As they yelled back and forth, my brain pounded against my skull, as if it were begging to be let out.

"Eva is probably dead, you know that? Jason fucking lied to you Savanna. They found her and brought her back to Canada but left her in the damn. I'm guessing he told you that he took care of it? No the fuck he didn't"

I shifted my focus from the floor to Damien now hoping he was going to say he was just messing with me, in a sick and twisted way. But his angry look suggested he was telling the truth.

Jason lied? Why would he lie? Why would he bring her all the way back but then just leave her? It made no sense. This was not something Jason would ever lie about.

Never.

"H-how do you know this?" I wondered how he even knew about Eva, and how he knew i had asked Jason to find her for me.

"Brandon told me. I went to see you at Jason's house and Brandon was there picking up some car keys for Jason. We got talking and he told me he didn't even know if she made it after being admitted to the hospital and Jason hid it from you because he knew you would be even more upset" He continued, I looked at Sofia who glanced back at me, looking back at Damien as I struggled to find the words.

"Damien just shut the fuck up. You're just trying to save your ass..." I felt like everything else was a blur. All the words being said, all the voices being heard and all the movements in front of me, blurred out in to slow motion. I struggled to understand what was going on but my head pounded more and more and I felt the same feeling of my body going numb, almost as if I had no control over it.

I heard my name being called but it faded further and further away from me, I couldn't even figure out if it was Sofia or Damien speaking to me.

And with no more than a couple of seconds going by, I felt my body give up and fall.

And I was out. Again.