| Savanna |
Silence.
I turned to look at Jason who had stopped in his tracks, slowly, he turned around.
"What?"
It was like I was reliving the same moments when the doctor told me, the same feeling came to the pit of my stomach as I saw the true sadness in Jason's eyes.
"I- I was 5 weeks pregnant... I lost it after being taken" I said, wiping my tears as I looked down at the ground, playing with my fingers as a distraction from crying once again. I felt so ashamed, I don't know why, but I felt like I had failed Jason, like I had failed us.
I felt his presence join me again as he stood in front of me.
"5 weeks?" His voice was quiet, breaking almost as I slowly nodded.
"I-is that why you have pain in your stomach?" I wanted to cry, the first question he had was about my pain, and that is what reminded me of why I loved Jason so much. He put me before anything, anyone.
"Partly... yes" I replied.
"I'm sorry" I whispered, tears falling from my eyes. "Hey," he paused, cupping my cheeks as he made me look in to his eyes and it was then when I realised his were watery, red. "You have nothing to be sorry about..." he trailed off. It was as if he knew I was about to break down and to be honest, I had a feeling he wasn't able to take it much longer and so he instantly wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed in to his chest.
"Please don't cry, Savanna" it broke my heart even more knowing he was trying to make me feel better even though he was probably feeling worse than me, I had known for a few days, I had processed it. Jason was clueless to it... until now.
I felt him pull me away from his chest making me look up at him as he wiped my tears from my eyes.
"We will have a baby one day, I promise you. And when that time comes, you will experience nothing but happiness because I won't let any moment go by without putting a smile on your face. Understand?" A tear escaped from his eyes as I raised my hand and wiped it for him feeling him lean in against my hand. Jason never cried, i don't think I had ever really seen him cry other than the time where he spoke to me about his mother for the first time. But other than that, never. He was too strong, even if it was not a good trait to have. Crying helped more than you expected, it's like as the tears leave your eyes, your problems and worries trailed away with them.
Something like that.
But my worries were still around. No matter how much I cried, no matter how much I spoke about it, I was still terrified. I couldn't push the true trauma to the back of my mind... it was like a nightmare that I just couldn't wake up from and I was holding it back for so long now, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep it inside of me for any longer.
No matter how much I talked about it, it didn't leave.
"When did you find out?" He asked as I wiped my tears, looking down at the ground.
"The doctor told me... the day I left the hospital"
"You knew all this time and didn't tell me?" He asked. I looked up at him, he looked at me with disbelief, he sounded more hurt than angry. "I-I tried telling you, but I couldn't say it out loud..."
He fell quiet slowly nodding before he looked towards the pool, I could tell he was biting his tongue.
"I'm- I'm sorry Jason... I just, I felt stupid, useless" I replied as I looked down at my hands.
"What? Why?" He asked, shocked.
"Jason. I didn't know I was pregnant. 5 whole weeks? Ho-how could I miss that? If I had just paid more attention I could have prevented it-"
"Do not blame yourself, you got it? That place you were in... no matter how hard you tried, you wouldn't have been able to save our child. This isn't your fault and I ain't lettin you blame yourself for it either." He replied making me look at him.
"That's easy for you to say" I replied in a mutter as i moved my head to move out of his grip.
"I do blame myself and I don't think I will ever not blame myself for this" I replied closing my eyes briefly. I felt his lips against my forehead, lingering there for a few seconds before he pulled back making me slowly open my eyes, taking a deep breath.
"Everything happens for a reason Savanna... god has a plan for us and losing what was supposed to be the start of a new journey for the both of us... that was just a part of our current journey, together"

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Hold Tight |Jason McCann|
FanfictionShe kept him sane and he gave her the love that she craved so deeply. She was his partner in crime- he was the crime and she was just his innocent partner, and that is exactly why, they held on tight.