Hold Tight |Jason McCann|

Chapter 44

| Savanna |

My eyes begged to be closed as my sore body woke. My vision was blurry and so as I rubbed them to gain my sight back, I noticed the familiar setting I was in.

I was home.

I sat up slowly, the same bed, the soft sheets that made it so difficult to get out of bed in the morning. The wide window ahead of the bed didn't ever help either because light just shone through, beaming at me. And the smell, the smell of home, it could never go away.

I didn't really know what to do, it was like I was stuck in a trance, not knowing whether I should be getting up or not. And that's what made me the most upset, I was finally home and I didn't know how to act. I was supposed to be feeling comfortable, I was supposed to be feeling relaxed. But I wasn't, I was on edge, I was confused and most of all,

I had no idea what to do.

I got out of bed and made my way out of my room. It was like I was seeing everything after months, I was looking around at everything and wanting to just stand there and stare. It was so... strange. I also didn't really remember what happened to me, I was arguing with my siblings and then the next moment everything had just paused.

I made my way down the long staircase, I admired it always because it was so pretty, almost fairytale like and I couldn't help but look up at the ceiling to see there was a new chandelier hanging above our heads.

And that's when the memories come flooding back to me. The swinging chandelier hanging above our heads as we entered the room, destroyed.

I shook my head, walking down the rest of the stairs before I found my way to the kitchen. I didn't see Jason but as I stepped a little further towards the windows overlooking the backyard, I could see him stood in the yard.

I made my way out, his attention turned to me as I walked closer to him, I almost had to pause remembering Damien's words about Eva.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as soon as I walked up the steps to where he was stood, now facing him.

"I'm fine. Where is Eva? Did you leave her, Jason?" I asked almost instantly. I was so tired of being treated like a delicate flower.

He frowned, probably shocked by how quick I was to find out the truth. "I didn't leave her, Savanna. Damien is only trying to cause trouble." He replied. "Jason, Damien acts like a kid that is why he is the way he is. You don't act like a kid, why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you, I found her and I brought her back to Canada. She isn't my damn responsibility and it isn't my gangs job to look after her" He answered, I don't think he realised how harsh he sounded.

"She was going through everything I went through but for longer, and worse. How could you just leave her? Don't you think I would want to see her?" I asked. I didn't understand what he even meant by leaving her, if she was in the hospital, what did that mean to leave her?

"I paid for her hospital bills, I made sure she got the treatment she needed, but at the end of the day, I told you that my priority was you. And only you." He answered.

"You're just so used to lying to me, aren't you?" I said, almost in a whisper as I had no energy to be yelling at him.

"What is that supposed to mean? Huh?" He asked as I looked away from him.

"Answer me, Savanna" he replied, sternly.

"You didn't think it was important to tell me that your dad had been threatening you? That is why you were so stressed most of the time right? Because you knew he wouldn't hesitate in hurting you, or me"

My voice was breaking, I wasn't able to speak for long without my throat hurting, my breathing was still painful from my bruised rib and so talking in paragraphs really was not helpful, but this was the only time I could make Jason understand.

"How many times you want me to tell you that I don't like talking about my organisation with you huh? It's bad enough you gotta live with it, I gotta come home and talk to you about it too?" He responded, raising his brows. I could tell he was getting angry, but I knew this was my time to show him he was wrong. It was clear he was wrong.

"So if you had your organisation under control, why did he take me? Huh? How did he get his men to sneak in to Ryan's apartment when you left me alone the same night our home was trashed and how did you not notice until hours later?"

I didn't know if was being too harsh, I wasn't used to speaking to anybody like this, let alone Jason, but the tears that were now forcing to leave my eyes urged me to talk out my fears.

He didn't respond, he looked away and kept quiet and I didn't know if it was because he was angry or he genuinely understood, but it didn't stop me.

"You should have told me he was coming, Jason. Yo-you let me walk around knowing- knowing that he could have done anything at any moment. What i- if he hurt you? Huh? Would I know what to do then? No, I wouldn't." I continued, feeling a rush within.

"He wasn't going to hurt me. He knew what he was doing and he knew he'd never get close enough to touch me so he took you, because he knew what would happen to me," he paused as he turned to look at me, "I didn't tell you about him because I didn't want you to fucking walk outta the house scared that somebody was watching you. You think I felt good knowing that my fucking father was threatening me? And I couldn't do nothing about it?"

His voice was raising by the sentence and his eyes grew darker.

"Look at you, you're getting so mad but you know I'm right, Jason. You know you should have told me-"

"Is that all you fucking care about? I tried my hardest to keep that shit from you because I thought I could protect you. I've done a good fucking job at keeping you safe for a year of being together. You think I don't hate myself every single day that I let you get taken? And by my fucked up father too?" He continue.

"All I'm asking is for you to be honest with me" I whispered.

"I can't do that. It's best you accept that." With that, he walked down the steps.

A tear fell from my eye as I closed my eyes, breathing out,

"I was pregnant, Jason"

And with that came nothing but silence.