Hold Tight |Jason McCann|

Chapter 51

| Savanna |

I woke up early naturally, yawning as I sat up turning to my side to see Jason knocked out next to me. Even in his drunken state, he wanted to sleep with me in my arms and when I told him he wasn't going to be comfortable with my body on top of his; which is what he wanted, he argued with me and I was left with no choice. Of course, I loved when Jason was extra cuddly with me because his arms made me feel safe but right now, it felt like I needed to keep him safe and the worst part was,

I didn't know how to.

He was snoring lightly but as I carefully moved out of his arms, the snoring stopped and he rolled over, laying on his chest and sleeping as if there were not tomorrow. I kissed his upper back, tracing my nails down his back knowing how much he loved the feeling of my nails on his skin.

I didn't want to wake him because I wanted him to just sleep it all off, quite possibly waking up realising his mistakes, but I also couldn't help but want to be right here, next to him, doing the usual things I'd do in the morning that I knew he loved so much; like running my fingers through his hair and placing kisses on his soft skin.

He wasn't waking up however, which meant he was in a very deep, much needed sleep and so therefore, I left the bed quietly and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and took my hair out of its top knot, literally mentally crying because of how much I regretted sleeping with my hair up because of that awful pain you got in your hair/head. You just had to massage it out without crying at the pain and no boy could ever understand it.

Jason definitely didn't. You should have seen the look on his face after I told him for the first time to massage my hair because it was 'hurting'. He thought I was a witch, I'm not even kidding.

After brushing my teeth and massaging my hair to the best of my ability, I left the bathroom. Jason was still fast asleep so therefore, I made my way out of the room quietly and downstairs.

I sat on one of the stools which lined the kitchens Island, looking down at my hands as I was lost in my own thoughts.

This was felt like a dream- a nightmare, to be correct. It felt like yesterday Jason was saving me from that place, it felt like yesterday I was hearing the news about our baby no longer being with us, it felt like yesterday I was crying to Jason every single night because I was in pain, because I wasn't letting myself heal physically because I couldn't heal mentally.

How could you heal mentally when you were just so afraid?

And now, I was afraid again. I was afraid Jason was going to make terrible decisions, if he hadn't already. I was afraid he was going to get hurt, I was afraid I was going to lose him and not have the power to do anything about it because I was an outsider to his crime world.

I was afraid I was going to be back in that place, taken by Alex and Eva was going to be the new Ro, getting me glammed up and ready for the abuse awaiting ahead.

A tear fell from my eye and I was quick to wipe it, taking a deep breath before I closed my eyes.

"Don't cry. You're fine. You've handled worse." I whispered to myself, and with that, I reopened my eyes before jumping off of the stool. I took out eggs from the refrigerator and left them on the counter, taking out the rest of the ingredients I needed in order to make the omelette that Jason adored, it was a secret recipe and he was in love with it.

I wanted to make him feel better because although, he was doing some terrible, I needed to hear what he had to say before I could act out. He was my boyfriend, not an enemy.

As I finished up the omelette, I put it on a low heat to let it cook a little more as Jason preferred it a little crispy, weirdly. I looked to the entrance of the kitchen to see Jason walking in, he was stretching and topless of course, only wearing a pair of sweatpants as he entered the kitchen. His hair was a mess and I was guessing so was his head.

"That smells amazing" he said, his voice raspy as he approached me, leaning down and kissing my cheek a couple times making me smile as he squeezed my butt randomly, making his way to sit opposite me.

See, I'm guessing he knew last night was a mistake and I honestly felt so relieved seeing him be so, normal with me.

"Did Ryan come by today?" He asked, as he focused on his phone.

"No, why?" I asked. "Nothin" he muttered, busy on his phone to even make eye contact.

"Jase?"

"Hm?" He simply replied, not even looking up at me.

"Jason, I'm talking to you" I spoke up a little more making him looking at me. "What's up?" How could he be so normal?

"Do you not want to talk about last night?" I questioned him and almost instantly he sighed. "I got drunk, Sav, ain't nothin to talk bout" He replied bluntly.

"That's all? That's all that happened last night?"

"Yes" he said, sternly.

I raised my brows at him, shaking my head at how he could sit there and lie to me as if I was stupid. "What about Alex? What about Eva?"

Now I could act out.

He frowned, almost looking angry. "Ryan told you?"

"What do you think?" I asked, rolling my eyes as I turned the heat off of the stove.

"He never knows how to keep his damn mouth shut. He knows I don't be involving in this shit-" I cut him off, not being able to hold back. "Remember what happened the last time you kept something this big from me Jason? Do you remember? Because I do! Are you forgetting who Alex is? Huh? How could you let him get the better of you"

He didn't say anything, it was as if he was thinking of what to say, whether to be angry or to be understanding and even after all of this, I was really hoping he was going to be understanding.

"I remember everything, okay Savanna? I been telling the boys and I been telling you too, I know what I'm doing got it? This is exactly why I keep you outta this shit." He replied as his eyes darkened from anger.

"If you knew what you were doing you wouldn't have come home drunk. You wouldn't let Alex take advantage of you and you definitely wouldn't have let Eva touch you." I felt tears well up in my eyes as I spoke, I couldn't understand why he was so angry, why he was speaking to me like I was the bad guy.

He fell quiet, not saying anything but just keeping eye contact with me.

"You know she came to my college? Asking for money and to keep it a secret because some bad guys were after her. What else do you think the pair of them are planning Huh? Did you think about that?" i continued, a tear falling from my eyes.

"She asked for money?" He asked, frowning in confusion.

I literally wanted to throw him in the pool and give him a reality check.

"Why didn't you tell me as soon as you saw her?"

Wow.

"When? I called you 100 times last night, you didn't even bother telling me you were going to be late. You expect me to be perfect for you right? Maybe work on yourself too Jason." when he didn't reply, I continued, "What happens if something happens to you, huh? Do you have a plan for that? I was taken and you didn't have any idea of where I was. Now you're hanging out with the same person who caused it?"

"He wasn't a part of it Savanna. My father was a fucked up bitch. You actin like I'm boutta move him in to our house or some shit" He replied.

"You're unbelievable. I understand he is your brother and the only family you have left but let's not forget what he was doing when you had nobody. You didn't think about me once last night did you?"

I didn't even let him reply because I didn't want to hear him talk or even get the opportunity to talk himself out of this.

"I know the answer. You work so hard to protect me from the wrong people, you know that?" I paused, turning around and taking out a plate so that I could take the omelette and put in the plate before pushing it in front of him.

"Enjoy your breakfast" and with that, I left the room,

Tears running freely.