Hold Tight |Jason McCann|

Chapter 39

| Savanna |
DISCLAIMER : this chapter contains sensitive and emotional topics that some readers may find upsetting. Please don't feel obligated to read if you do not want to.
Thank you.

Jason had left me to get the jet ready so that we could leave the hospital and go home straight away and in the mean time he had brought some clothes for me to wear home since I wasn't necessarily happy with leaving the hospital with a hospital gown on.

I took my time changing in to the leggings because I didn't want to risk undoing my bandaging. If I did, it would most likely mean I'd have to wait longer for the doctor to dress it again which I didn't want.

I wore a sweatshirt that belonged to him of course and a pair of converse.

This felt so... soon. It felt like only yesterday I was being dragged away from Jason and now, he was always at my side.

Just as I had finished taking my hair out of its horrible top knot, I heard the door open and expecting it to be Jason, I turned to face the door only to meet the doctor who's name I found out was Lisa.

"Oh hi doctor..." I spoke.

She looked at me with what looked like a concerned look to her face as she forced a smile, "Hello Savanna, I see you are ready to leave" She even spoke like she was being forced to be happy, or show any interest in me leaving.

"Yeah... Jason is coming to pick me up soon, but is everything okay?" I asked.

She didn't reply for a couple seconds, looking down at the folder in her hands before she looked over at me. "How about we take a seat?" She asked.

I complied and went over to the bed where we both sat down at the edge of it.

"Now... I'm not sure if you want me to wait for Mr McCann to come so I can share this, piece of information with you or-" I cut her off, "You can tell me, I'm not sure how long he'll be"

Really, I couldn't wait any longer to hear what she had to say because she truly was scaring me.

I felt my heart begin to beat widely as she nodded her head. "Were you aware that you er... you were pregnant, Savanna?"

My heart dropped.

I felt my body feel numb, my brain throbbing and a sudden out of body experience took over me as my mouth parted.

Pregnant?

"I- I- what?" I managed to stutter out.

"We took a blood test which of course was mandatory and since you were part of, well, human trafficking, it was important that we eliminated things like sexually transmitted diseases and of course, unexpected pregnancies"

I didn't understand. Although, I was in that place, I was never raped, it didn't even get to that level. Which only meant one thing. This was mine and Jason's baby.

"I'm sorry Savanna...you lost your baby"

The words left her mouth and instantly, I couldn't fathom another second. I stood up from the bed, looking in to nowhere as I completely spaced out.

"Ho-how far gone was I?" I asked turning to look at her as tears fell from my eyes.

"5 weeks" I genuinely felt like my heart was sitting in my throat.

"I lost it... how? Be-because of this?" I asked referring to what had happened.

She slowly nodded, "I asked you what happened to your abdomen and with your replies, I'm suspecting your injuries is what caused it... you also developed hypothermia and so early on, none of those things are beneficial for a pregnant woman. Lack of nutrition, bad hygiene, all things you experienced when you were taken." She continued.

"I'm very sorry Savanna"

"I didn't even know I was pregnant. How can I not get any symptoms?" I had so many questions, I just didn't know how to ask them or if i should be asking them.

"Some women don't know they are pregnant until months along, you would be amazed hearing about it. We are all different in our own ways which is probably why your stomach hadn't grown much, not noticeably" She replied.

"Is that why I've been feeling pain in my stomach? I just thought it was because I was... kicked, in that area a lot" I trailed off, closing my eyes briefly as I remembered being hit, over and over.

"You do have a bruised rib, it's almost like deep tissue injury which is part of the pain but a lot of women do feel pain in their stomachs after a miscarriage. Even though you were early on, it doesn't mean you didn't have anything in you growing... pain and sensitivity is the inevitable" She continued.

How... how was this real? I was just over a month pregnant and I had no idea. Not a single bit of a symptom, nothing that I felt was out of the ordinary and yet here I was, finding out I was carrying my baby and I had lost it before I even knew about it.

"Would you like me to tell Jason for you or-" I was quick to cut her off. "No, please don't tell him." I said.

I didn't want to hide this from him but I also didn't know how to tell him. Jason and I weren't ready for a baby, it would have come as a surprise but regardless... it was our baby. How could I possibly tell him it was gone before we even knew about it? How could I tell him now? After everything the both of us had gone through, this would be the end of it.

She stood up approaching me, "I wish you well, Savanna... I'm so sorry you've had to go through this at such a young age but please, don't let this bring you down. There is always a tomorrow."

I watched her leave the room and now I was alone. I was alone in my mind and my soul and I felt completely empty. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. I was young, too young to have a baby and although Jason and I wanted to one day have a family, it was not now. But the thought of being stripped off of that without us even knowing... it broke my heart. I felt horrible, I didn't know how you were supposed to feel because it wasn't even a baby yet... but it was something, something that belonged to Jason and I and something that would bring us nothing but joy.

Jason was older than me, he spoke about children all the time and joked that we should get pregnant now as he couldn't wait to be a father... telling him this would only break him.

But I was broken, how could this break me any further? But it did.

The door opened and I was quick to wipe my eyes to cover the fact that I had been crying. Again.

"Hey sweetheart, are you ready to leave?" He asked as I turned to look at him, giving him a smile.

He approached me, looking in to my eyes as if he were studying them. "You okay?" He questioned as he wiped my cheeks from the tears that had lasted on my face.

I nodded, "I just want to go home" I told him.

He kissed my forehead before he took my hand in his and slowly but surely, we left.

How was I going to tell him this?