Taped-Up Heart

XXIII. For Good

Chapter Twenty Three

For Good

Isa.

Dalawa.

Tatlo.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang araw na akong ganito. Hindi ko rin magawang umuwi sa bahay dahil alam kong tatanungin lang ako ni Mama at papagalitan.

Yannie tried to ask me what was wrong, but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling. It was all too much for me to feel.

I sighed. I sat beside Yannie and like the past few days, I just stared blankly at the white board. Mas okay pa nga if hindi na ako pumapasok, wala rin naman akong naiintindihan dahil palagi lang akong tulala.

"Asia," Yannie called. I looked at her. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

I nodded.

"You can tell me what's your problem kapag ready ka na, okay?"

I nodded again.

Just like the past few days, the class ended without me absorbing any new knowledge. Why was I even feeling this way? I did what I think was right. We were friends... and friends shouldn't have feelings for their friend in a romantic way.

Alam mo 'yung kasabihan na kapag friends, dapat friends lang? He should've known. Kaya nga kayo friends... kasi magkaibigan lang dapat. Hanggang doon lang. I know that Duane knows about that... but still, why did he fall for me?

Natigilan ako sa paglalakad sa field. There was a short cut to Segara Heights kaya dito ako madalas dumadaan. I stayed still when I saw Duane together with a girl. They looked happy. They were smiling while talking to each other.

He used to be like that to me.

I remained standing there even when they were already out of my sight. Natauhan lang ako nang maramdaman ko ang pagkabasa ng pisngi ko.

Binilisan ko ang lakad hanggang makarating na ako sa condo ko. Kuya Guard was asking me again what was wrong, but I lied and said that I was just fine. When I clearly looked like shit for the past few days.

That night, I dressed up. I can't keep on sulking just because of a guy... just because of him. He said he was done with me, I should be too. Dapat matapos na rin ako sa kanya. Ayoko nang masaktan.

I stopped the car in front of Spiral. Kaagad akong bumaba at pumasok na. I ordered a lot of drinks, I needed to get drunk tonight. Sabi nga nila, alcohol takes the pain away... and I wanted every little thing that I was feeling to vanish.

Even just for tonight.

When I felt my cheeks burning, I already knew in myself that I was drunk. I made my way to the dance floor and danced like there's no tomorrow like everyone did.

Tumalon-talon lang ako at umindayog sa musika. After a few minutes of jumping up and down, I just settled to dancing like how the others did.

Ilang minuto pa ay may naramdaman na akong katawan sa aking likod. "Hey... wanna crash at my place tonight?" he whispered seductively in my ear.

I just dance to the rhythm of the music and his body. Unconsciously, I nodded and that made him chuckle sexily. Ramdam ko nang nag-iinit ako.

I felt his hands snaking on my waist, then down to my hips...

"What the fuck, man?!"

Kaagad akong napalingon sa lalaking sumasayaw sa likuran ko kanina na ngayon ay nakahandusay na sa sahig. I was so drunk that I couldn't even process what was really happening.