Taped-Up Heart

XXV. The Last Time

Chapter Twenty Five

The Last Time

I remained looking at his retreating back. The cheering of the crowd continued. It was so loud, yet the sound of my heart slowly breaking didn't escape my ears. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying.

I sighed before removing the veil and walking out of the booth. Ramdam ko ang tinginan ng mga tao sa akin pero hindi ko sila pinansin. Kaagad kong hinabol si Duane. Nawala na siya sa paningin ko ngayon kaya hindi ko alam kung saan ko siya hahanapin. Nagsisimula na rin dumilim dahil lagpas ala sais na ng gabi.

I stopped running and thought about where he might be. Kaagad akong tumakbo sa isang lugar na alam kong pupuntahan niya. Nang makarating ako ay kaagad ko siyang nakita. I stopped when I entered the gym. Walang tao kung hindi si Duane.

He was lying on the court, then threw the ball he was holding before resting his arm over his eyes.

Dahan-dahan ay lumakad ako hanggang sa nasa harapan niya na ako.

He didn't move.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes still covered by his arm. Kaya hindi ako sigurado kung nakikita niya ba ako o hindi.

He sat up when I didn't answer, but still, he wasn't looking at me.

"I'm sorry..." I finally said.

He clicked his tongue. "For what?"

Hindi nanaman ako sumagot.

"For not liking me back?" he said. "Don't say sorry, Asia. It only makes things worse than it already is."

"No... I'm sorry because it's not what you think. Hindi kami ni Tiu. Walang kami. Hindi dahil sa kanya kaya..." I couldn't finish my sentence.

"Kaya hindi mo ako magustuhan?" he asked again. "Why are you still here? You don't want me. The best thing you could do is stay away from me, Asia."

Naramdaman ko nanaman ang pag-init ng gilid ng mga mata ko. Hanggang kailan ba ako iiyak sa kasalanang ako naman ang gumawa?

"Duane, we're friends. You're my bestfriend. How do you expect me to stay away from—"

He cut me off. "That's the whole point, Asia!" his voice echoed in the gymnasium. "I'm your bestfriend. We've been together for years. You know me, and I know you too well. I don't see any reason why you can't like me back because there are enough reasons... why can't you see that?"

Tumayo na siya at hinarap ako.

"Why do you always focus on our friendship? What? Are you scared that we might ruin it? Asia, you're not the only one. I'm scared too. I'm fucking scared to lose you, but I love you so much that I'm willing to risk everything just so we could make this happen."

"So what if, years from now, we lose the friendship we've built for years? Asia, we'll make this work. I'll make it work for us, so we can stay in each other's lives forever... just say the word and I'll do it. I'll prove it to you. Just say it... please?"

I looked away, not knowing what to stay. He doesn't understand me. He doesn't understand what I want. I'm scared. He was right. I'm scared of ruining this friendship, not because I like him, but because I only see him as a friend.

And I want us to stay like that forever.

As friends.

I looked at him.

Tiningnan niya lang din ako.

"Still a no?"

I didn't answer.