Taped-Up Heart

LVII. Never Too Close

Chapter Fifty Seven

Never Too Close

"He'll be fine, Asia," sabi sa akin ni Achaia nang hindi pa rin ako mapakali. Ilang oras na siya sa loob at hanggang ngayon wala pa rin sinasabi ang mga doctor kung ano na ang kalagayan niya. "Maybe he did inherit my looks, but I'm sure he got his personality from you... and like you, he's also strong. He's a fighter."

I smiled at him. His words made me feel somehow better. Tiningnan ko siya. He remained looking at me. "Sometimes I still wonder... what if we never broke up?" he asked.

I smiled to myself. "What if... so many what ifs..."

Kaagad kaming napatayo na dalawa nang may lumabas nang doctor.

"Doc, how is he?" I asked.

Ibinaba niya ang mask niya at tinanggal ang cap. Kaagad akong kinabahan kaya napatingin ako kay Achaia. He showed me a reassuring smile - and that somehow made me feel okay.

"The operation went well."

Nakahinga ako nang maayos sa narinig ko, maging si Achaia.

"He's still unconscious right now, but overall he's good now. The operation was successful," he smiled at us.

Hindi ko na napigilan. Kaagad kong niyakap ang doctor at matapos 'yon ay si Achaia. I cried in his chest. He was also teary-eyed now. "I told you, he's a fighter."

"You can now see him. You can finally meet him..." I smiled with tears still falling.

I was so afraid that my son would never get a chance to meet his father again. And if ever that happens, I knew that I can never forgive myself ever, because I took that chance away from him... from the both of them.

Tumango siya bago ngumiti sa akin. Kumalas na ako ng yakap sa kanya bago ko niyakap sina Mama at Papa. They all hugged me back. I smiled when I saw Daffin with arms wide open. Kaagad ko siyang niyakap. "He's okay now... he survived... my baby survived..." I cried.

"Avis is strong, just like you are..." he said as he kissed the top of my head.

"And thank you for being here with me through his journey..." I said.

He only smiled at me.

After an hour, Avis was already transferred to his room. I told everyone to stay outside first and let Achaia meet and see his son for the first time.

Nauna akong pumasok, tiningnan lang niya ako, tila nagdadalawang isip na pumasok sa kwarto.

I smiled at him. "Come on..."

"I-I'm nervous..." he said.

I offered him my hand. He accepted it. "Don't be," sabi ko bago ko siya hinila papasok ng kwarto.

Naramdaman kong nanatili lang siya makapasok ng kwarto. Tiningnan ko siya. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko nang makita kong naiyak na siya.

"H-He's so small... like he's so fragile..." he said.

Napatawa naman ako sa kanya.

"You're right... h-he really looks like me."

"I told you, he's your carbon copy," I smiled at him.

Hinila ko siya palapit sa kama. "Ano bang kinakatakot mo?" I asked him when we were already on the side of Avis' bed. He was still unconscious and sleeping soundly.

He looked at me, our hands still holding each other.

"I-I'm scared, Asia..." he said. "I'm scared that this is all a dream... because having you as the mother of my kids and building a family with you has been a dream ever since... and I can't believe it's now coming to life... it's all real..."

"And I'm scared that there's the reality... in the future, we can't be together again. These hands," he said as he looked at our hands intertwined together. "Can never hold each other again like this someday."

"And I'm scared that someday, I'll disappoint our son, because we can never give him the complete family that he needs and deserves all because of my mistakes... all because of my wrong choices in life..."

Tiningnan niya ako sa mata.

"I wish I could ask you right now to maybe try again..."

"I wish I could say to you, "let's try again, Asia.""

"But I know it's impossible now... you are now promised to someone. You are now happy with your life, and the only choice that's left for me is to try and be happy for you too... because you deserve happiness."

"You deserve him. Someone who would never leave you when things get hard..." he said.

Tiningnan niya ulit ang mga kamay naming magkahawak. He smiled before slowly removing his hand from my hold. "And maybe, this is where we belong, Asia. This is where we stand. Close yet never too close. Just close."

Ngumiti siya sa akin bago niya hinarap si Avis. He kissed his forehead and caressed Avishai's hair.

"Hey..." he said. "This is your daddy..."

I looked away before wiping my tears.

"When you wake up, I'll hug you real tight and give you everything you want... para man lang makabawi si daddy sa lahat ng pagkukulang niya sa'yo, so wake up now, okay?"

"Magpalakas ka muna tapos papasyal tayo..."

"I've heard you love superheroes? I'll buy you big figurines if you want those... then maybe we can go and wear matching costumes. If you want we'll meet those heroes in person. I'll give you everything you want."

"Just always be a strong boy, okay?" he said, smiling while looking at Avis.

Lumapit ako at umupo sa kabilang side ng kama. I held Avis hand. Halos mapatalon ako nang hawakan niya rin ang kamay ko at nakita na lang namin na namulat na siya.

Kaagad na napatingin sa akin si Achaia.

"He's awake!" he said. Kitang-kita mo na ngayon ang saya sa mga mata niya. "Y-you're finally awake..." Tiningnan niya ako. "He got your eyes, Asia... you got your eyes from your mom."

"M-mommy..." tawag niya sabay tingin sa akin.

"I'm here, baby. It's okay..." tango ko sa kanya, sinasabi na okay lang na kausapin niya si Achaia.

"Who is he?"

"Remember when I told you before that your daddy's just away from work?" I asked him. He only looked at me. "He's home now, Avis. Your daddy's home... 'di ba nga sabi ko sa'yo noon, you'll meet him someday... he's here now."

Tiningnan niya si Achaia. "Are you really my daddy?"

Achaia looked at me first. I nodded at him. Tiningnan niya si Avis bago siya tumango. "Y-yes, I'm your dad..." he said as his tears started falling again. "It felt so good saying that."

Tiningnan ko si Avis. Slowly, he smiled. "Can I hug you?"

Achaia chuckled as he nodded. "Of course you can," he said as he carefully hugged Avis.

God knows that if only I could turn back time, this is what I would ask for. This is what I would want for my son. For him to have a complete family... but I know that it's impossible now for the both of us to fix the mistakes of the past.

And maybe, he's right.

It's really better for everyone if we stay like this.

Close yet never too close because we might both end breaking our taped-up hearts even more.