Taped-Up Heart

LX. Taped-Up Hearts

Chapter Sixty

Taped-Up Hearts

I looked at the letters in front of me. It was around a hundred. I don't know how Daffin managed to keep all of them and why he still kept them. Para saan pa? Did he think that I'll forgive him for doing this? That everything between us will be fine again because of this? Because he gave me the letters I was supposed to read four years ago?

It's been a month since we broke up and called off the engagement. After that day, he only came back the next day to give me these letters. After that, we never saw or spoke to each other again. Sabi niya rin sa akin na uuwi muna siya sa probinsya nila, siya na lang daw iiwas sa aming dalawa.

That's probably for the best.

I picked up an envelope and opened it.

Day Seven

It's been a week since I've been locked up in this room. They still won't allow me to use any gadgets or any form of technology. It sucks. It feels like dying. It feels like I'm going more insane each day if that's even possible.

They locked me up like I was a prisoner. Like I was some psychopath. I didn't mean to almost kill my brother. You know how much I love my family, more so my brothers. I would die for them. I really didn't mean to. It's just that this fucking sickness won't leave me.

I don't know if you received my letters. I don't know if they even sent it to you. I don't know if you wrote back to me or maybe you just don't want to write back at all. I don't know any fucking thing.

If I get out of this fucking mental hospital sane, would you still want me back? Accept me in your life? Would you still want to be with a mentally unstable person? A person sick in the head? Would you want that? No, right?

Maybe I did lie to you. I lied when I told you that I had mild OCD, because it was far from being mild. You used to ask me why I wasn't like my brothers. Why they were all players and I'm not. Why I never had a girlfriend. Even if I was normal, I wouldn't play with someone's heart. Just a disclaimer. But I haven't been with anyone, because I was afraid of people. Afraid to talk to them, get close to them. That's why I was always with my brothers. That's why I chose Fine Arts, because I know that no one would bother me there. Everyone had their own businesses there. I was afraid to be in contact with someone.

But with you, everything was different. When you're so close to me, you don't trigger my sickness. Instead, all I could focus on was the loud thumping of my heart. All my mind could think of was how beautiful you are. My world stops when you're around. I know you didn't believe me when I told you that I had a crush on you since freshmen year, but that's real.

Everything with you was real.

It wasn't a bet. It wasn't a game to me. I was serious with my intentions. I know you didn't deserve to be treated and left that way. I regret everything I did the past week. I wasn't in a good place, my mind was a mess, and I also know that it isn't and will never be an excuse for me to treat you like that.

But what's done is done. I can't take back what happened. I can't take back how I acted that day. I just want you to know I'm sorry. I apologize for having to end things like that. I just didn't want you to say anything anymore, because I know that I'll make you stay in my life if I hear you say the words. I didn't want to hear you say that you'll be with me through this battle, because that wasn't a part of the Achaia Tiu package.

Achaia Tiu: chinky eyes, handsome, snob, kind, sweet with mild OCD yet artsy.

I wanted you to remember that. The normal one. The Achaia who doesn't know what a carinderia is. The Achaia who only eats home-cooked meals. The Achaia who only kisses warm lips. The Achaia you're head over heels with. Haha.