Taped-Up Heart

LVI. His Eyes

Chapter Fifty Six

His Eyes

One meter.

We were one meter apart from each other.

No one ever spoke again after that hug, we just remained seating and looking after Avis, waiting for the doctor to advise us what to do next.

I sighed. I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel his eyes on me. "This isn't how or what I planned... hindi ito 'yung paraan or way na gusto ko para ma-meet mo na si Avis."

"Avis." I looked at him. There was a small smile on his face now. "It's a beautiful name."

"It's Avishai, it means a gift from God."

Tiningnan ko lang ang mga kamay ko at pinaglaruan 'yon. "He's the greatest blessing in my life..." I said. "I'm sorry if it never occured in my mind, for the past years, to even tell you that we had a child. It's your right. Even after what happened to us, it would never change the fact that you're his father. Your blood runs through him."

"You don't have to apologize..." he said.

This time, I looked at him. Nakatingin lang siya sa malayo at nakasandal na sa dingding. "I took your chance to become a father to him away," I said.

Umiling siya. "Just knowing that you gave him my last name is more than enough for me."

He was smiling now and I can't help but feel a smile on my face too. Sa lahat ng bagay, napansin niya pa talaga ay ang apelyido ni Avis. It was one of the things I never thought about twice. The moment I had him, the moment I gave birth to him, I don't know why, but I decided to give him his last name instead of mine.

"Avishai Tiu," he said. "I really can't believe that all this time I had a child with you."

Nagulat ako nang bigla na lang tumulo mga luha niya.

He immediately looked away. "I'm sorry, I'm emotional... I just... I still can't process everything. Having a child with you? It was just a dream ever since, Asia. To marry you, to build a life with you, to see you bear my child."

"Although I know we're already done, it still felt nice knowing that our love's now in human form," he smiled to himself.

"And I hope, Asia, that someday, you can only remember all the good things that happened between us, because they were the best days of my life."

"And I hope at some point, it became yours too."

I reached for his hand and slightly squeezed it. Napatingin siya sa akin. I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"His name's actually Avishai Achaia Tiu."

Pinigilan niya ulit ang sarili niya na maiyak at umiling-iling siya na parang hindi pa rin makapaniwala.

"If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up."

"Achaia," I called.

"Asia."

"Maybe we will never have our closure..." I said. "And that's probably for the best, for things to stay this way. I'll be a mother to Avis and I'll give you all the time that you need in this world to be a father to our child."

He nodded and froze in an instant when he hugged me. "Thank you so much, Asia, for giving me a chance to be a father to him. I'll never forget this day."

* * *

I kept on pacing back and forth. Avis was already inside the operating room at nandito kami ngayon ni Achaia sa labas. Kasama rin namin sina Mama at Papa na naka-upo sa hindi kalayuan. I still haven't explained to them why Achaia was with me now.