Curved Edges ✔

(6) Nerdy Noah

♡ NOAH

Okay, I'll admit it. I felt like the prince in Cinderella for a minute until the self-loathing began. Mom gave me Bridget Jones's Diary the last Christmas she was still with us. She used to read it to me and I wanted my own copy. 

It was her way of leaving me with some advice and something to remember her by. I had no clue back then. I'm sure she didn't expect me to turn into a male version of Bridget though. Or maybe she already knew I was headed there.

I've got the muscle and the ink, I look the part. But on the inside I'm Bridget. Awkward, nervous, saying the wrong shit at the wrong time, Bridget. Bridget... My Bridget. She walked out this morning. We were together for three months... At least that's my opinion. 

I'm sure Conan has a different view on things. He never liked her one bit. And he is like a human lie detector. I should've listened to him. Not that he would ever say that to me though.

How did my life become so messed up? And why didn't I see the signs? Bridget was never available, always going out and turned heads wherever she went. I thought it was because she was hot. 

Conan said it was because she sent out signals to other guys. He was right. 

I'm the trusting kind. I don't snoop. But she was in the shower and her phone kept blowing up with messages. So I did what anyone else would do. I picked up her phone to look at the messages.

It slipped from my fingers and hit the floor, right when she came from the bathroom wearing one of those play-suits she always wore. Her eyes went wide and she went berserk. I still remember her words clearly. 

"What the fuck, Noah? My phone is off-limits! Don't you trust me? I'm so done with your lame ass. You might be pretty on the eyes but I can't deal with your wuss ass any longer! I can do a lot better!"

She bent over to pick up her phone from the floor and my stupid body reacted to the sight of her ass immediately. My favorite body part of her. Yes, I'm an ass-man.

 Although... After seeing the tops of Ama-... No Noah. Shut up. 

Bridget's eyes dropped to the bulge as she gave me the final blow: "I have been doing a lot better Noah. You didn't think we were exclusive, right?" 

And with that, she walked out.

The messages of all those different guys still shoot through my head. All thanking her for a great time and asking when they could meet up again. I thought we were exclusive. I'm such an idiot. 

I've fucked it all up for life. I should have stayed the skinny, nerdy boy with the glasses. At least that would have suited my Bridget Jonesy character. 

I stare at the high-heeled shoe on my kitchen table and try to resist the urge to smell it.

Try and fail. 

Yeah, go on, eww away. I'm a sniffer. Always have been, always will. My mom sent me to therapy for it. That didn't help much, but it did stop me from sniffing everything first. Like getting a gift for my birthday; sniffing the wrapping paper before tearing it off. Sniff the toy car inside and then play with it. 

As I got older it became more about sniffing skin or hair. 

And I hate strong scents. Like those perfumed-up girls you can smell from a mile away. 

Yeah yeah, I work in a gym all day, surrounded by stinky, sweaty people. But I have a trick for that. Conan taught me to put a dab of vaseline in both nostrils and you don't really smell anything anymore. Which makes me very paranoid about my own body odor, resulting in me spraying myself with some deodorant every thirty minutes.