Curved Edges ✔

(51) Aching Ama

♡ AMA

He's in my apartment, but this is not the way I imagined it. I don't want him to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this. But at the same time, I need him close to me. I don't know what it is exactly, but I feel safe around him. Calmer.

I wonder what he is thinking, looking around my living room. I look around myself and feel cold. I rub my arms as I walk into my bedroom. I pull my suitcase from under the bed and start throwing my clothes into it. I try to fight the tears that threaten to spill. I'm done crying. Stop it. A sob escapes me and within a second I feel his arms around me.

He pulls me into his chest, holding me close with one hand on my lower back and one on the back of my head. I take in his scent and try to focus on the fact that I am this close to him. Fuck me, he smells good. And his heartbeat is like music to my ears. But the fact that he's so calm about this, while my heart is beating out of my chest proves that he doesn't feel the same.

I break free from his hold and avoid his gaze. I continue packing and walk over to my nightstand. I pick up the picture of the father-daughter dance with Mister Sun. I smile and know where I want to be. I want to be with the people who have been parents to me. Way more than my own parents ever were.

I grab a few more picture frames filled with loving memories. I stuff them between my clothes,  zip the suitcase closed, and fill a bag with my shoes. All I can think of now is to get out of here. I'm feeling colder by the minute, this is not my home anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. I grab the suitcase, but I feel a hand on my arm when I try to lift it.

I look up into his hazel eyes and stumble back a little from the raw emotion coming from them. His voice is a bit cracked when he says: "Please let me carry it. I know I don't know enough... Can't do enough to make this better, but please let me carry the suitcase."

I let go of the suitcase and whisper: "Thank you." 

My throat is closing up and I grab the bag with my shoes and rush to the front door. I open it and step into the hallway, taking a big breath as soon as I'm out of the apartment. Noah comes out too and I lock the door. 

♡

The elevator doors open on the ground floor and I look straight into Mike's eyes. I can't hold my emotions back anymore and fall to my knees. Mike comes rushing over and kneels down with me, holding my face in his hands. He keeps talking to me in his calm voice, trying to give me strength.

"Ama dear, you can do this. You're strong. Way stronger than you think you are. Make me proud girl. Show the world that you're a force to be reckoned with. Get up, dear. Stand up and breathe. You can do this. I promise you can. I love you and I will always be here for you. Always."

I get up slowly, clinging to Mike's arms. I look into his calm brown eyes and take a breath. 

"There you go. Breathe dear." 

I feel calmer and I can't help but smile a tiny bit. 

Mike kisses my forehead and says: "You're the daughter I've always wanted. I'm proud of you. I love you. Now get out of here. Walk out with your head high."

I look over my shoulder and see Noah standing there. Calmly waiting till I'm ready to go. I don't know what I did to deserve his help, but I sure am grateful for it. I thank Mike and start walking towards the exit. Noah following me without a word.

He opens the car door for me and walks around the car to the other side. He folds his chair forward to put my suitcase in the backseat. He folds the chair back and sits down on it. He turns to the side and I feel his eyes on my face. I stare at my hands, clutching the bag of shoes, and mumble a sorry.