Chess Pieces #5: Loki Von Amstel

Chapter 19

Warning: Spg
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I was sweating bullets when I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. It was dark and the only light inside my room was from the moonlight outside the window. The moon is at its fullest. It was a beautiful scene opposite of the chaos that's going on inside my head.

It was the reason why I woke up suddenly. Hindi ako tinantanan ng boses na narinig ko sa isip ko kanina and it even disturbed me from my sleep. I tried to cover both of my ears but since the voice was coming out from my mind, it was useless. I could still hear it clearly.

The voice was scolding me as to why I didn't continue the kiss earlier. Why I didn't seduce the King. The voice was so angry, telling me that I'm still fucking useless.

My hands went up to my hair. I pulled it so hard hard hoping that the voice would stop if I get hurt. But it didn't. Mas lalo lang lumala. Mas lumakas. Naninigaw na.

I feel like I am going crazy. But then again, I'm already crazy, right? That's how I got the title as The Mad Queen. My pieces think that I am insane.

I laughed. Fuck it. How would I stop this voice in my head then?

Why now? Of all the days that I could experience this again, why now? Was it because of what happened earlier? Was it because I tried to seduce the EL Ordre's King? Was it because of Alter's words?

I squealed in pain when I tried to pull my hair so hard. It was painful. I could feel my scalp was burning when I stopped. Pero hindi ko pinagsisihan ang ginawa ko. 'Cause finally, the voice in my head disappeared.

I was panting and sweating when I calmed down. I closed my eyes so tight before I opened it and turned on the lampshade on my bedside table. It was a good thing that all of the rooms in here were soundproof. Nobody heard the cry of pain that I did earlier.

They mustn't know about this. They could use this against me.

I thought this wouldn't happen again. I thought I was already over this. But it seems like I was wrong. What happened earlier triggered it again.

I got up and went inside the bathroom. I turned on the lights inside and started taking off my nighties. I just let it fall down the floor. Wala akong itinira na kahit ano sa suot ko.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. It wasn't a full-length mirror so I couldn't see the part from the waist down but it was enough. I just need to see my face. My face that was pale as the paper. My long blonde hair covered my breast.

I smiled bitterly. Fuck it. I looked so weak. Mukhang isang pitik lang ay mapapatumba na agad ako. If father would see me like this, for sure, he wouldn't like it.

"Disgusting..." I said I could hear the pain in my voice.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck it! C'mon, Eresh. You can do better than that! Forget your emotions! Forget your feelings and keep your eyes on the prize!

Kill all the EL Ordre members. Kill the gamemasters. Stop this fucking game!

Damn it! It was because I let Alter crawled inside my heart. That's why her betrayal and words earlier hurt me so much. Kung hindi ko hinayaan na mapalapit sya sa akin, then I wouldn't be like this.

I need to kill all these feelings.

I decided to wash my face to refreshen myself. My head was still in chaos but I couldn't do anything about it. It was like this everyday anyway. Nasanay na lang ako.

I dried my face with the towel and went out of the bathroom without any clothes on. I don't think someone will see me anyway. It's in the middle of the night, probably they were fast asleep now.