Chess Pieces #5: Loki Von Amstel

Chapter 83

My eyes remained on Tracer while I was trying to digest what he had said. My mind couldn't process his words and I even thought that I didn't hear him right.

It just so... impossible.

I mean, Red Faction wasn't really good to him. Especially the Sanford brothers. Sieg and Dyke killed their parents. We even targeted Artemis once when we found out that she's one of his weaknesses. And the thing I did to Gray.

It was... unforgivable. So maybe I just heard him wrong, right?

"You're... forgiving me?" I asked, just to make sure.

He nodded that surprised me. I clearly heard what he said a minute ago and now that he's confirming it, mas lalong hindi kapani-paniwala.

"Why?" tanong kong nagpakunot sa noo nya. "I mean, Tracer. I did so many horrible things to you and your brother. I don't even have the rights to talk casually to you like this. I am so ashamed to even look at you. Then, you'll just gonna forgive me that easily?"

"Easily?" he asked with a furrowed brows. "Do you really think that it was easy for me?"

Natahimik ako.

"I was so mad at you! Tangina, namatay na nga ang mga magulang namin pero hindi ka pa nakuntento. You took Gray and drugged him! Tingin mo madali lang sa akin ang magpatawad?"

"Then why are you doing it—"

"Because we both deserve it!"

He sighed. Pinipilit nyang pakalmahin ang sarili dahil sa maling nasabi ko kanina.

"Mahirap ang magpatawad especially if you've been hurt so much." he said. "Hindi madali, Eresh."

He closed his eyes tight. Natahimik kaming pareho at walang nagsasalita. I don't plan of interrupting him. It seems like this is the most crucial moment for him.

Of course. This is really hard for him. I was not even expecting that he'll ever forgive me kaya gulat na gulat ako ngayon.

"I won't ever forget the feeling of losing my parents. I will never forget that time when I saw my little brother hiding inside the closet looking so fucking scared. I won't forget the feeling when I thought that he's dead. I won't forget the feeling when he looked at me with hatred in his eyes. I will never forget how it feels with every whiplash that he gave me."

My eyes started to water. Fuck. I am not emotional. I don't cry easily. Kaya kong pilitin ang sarili ko na huwag umiyak. I could even act opposite to what I'm feeling.

But ever since I opened up myself to Loki, nahirapan na akong itago ang emosyon ko. It actually feels good to let go of my emotions. And maybe because, I am pregnant as well.

"I was so sure I will never forgive you. No matter what your reason is, I still won't."

"Alam ko naman..." bulong kong nakayuko at pinaglalaruan na ang mga daliri sa kamay.

I heard him sigh. "But after all that happened, I realized that we shouldn't really judge people so easily without knowing their story. Kasi hindi lahat ng nakikita ng mga mata natin ay ang totoo."

I looked at him. Wala na ang galit sa mga mata nya kanina. All I can see is... gentleness.

"After I heard your story, nahiya ako sa sarili ko. I judged you too quickly. Mas matindi pa pala ang pinagdaanan mo."

I shook my head at him.

"No, Tracer... We both suffered. Walang mas lamang. We have our own sufferings. Hindi kailangan pagkumparahin dahil pareho tayong nagdusa."