Chess Pieces #5: Loki Von Amstel

Chapter 44

I am not dumb not to know how she got those scars on her wrist. It looks like it was scratched by thousands of cats but I know better.

She did it to herself. Now, it's finally clear to me when Artemis said that Daphne hid her pain by hurting herself. And looking at those scars, it was obvious that she did it for so many times.

I just stared at her who's now smiling at me sadly. I realized that she purposely sent Loki away so we could be alone. It's obvious that she wanted to talk to me but one thing is clear.

The feeling is not mutual.

I actually want her to get out of my sight. I don't want her here in Loki's penthouse. What is she doing here anyway? If she badly need that fucking Peppa Pig stuff toy, then she could've ask someone to make it for her! Mas bago pa!

I want her out of this penthouse. And I don't want to hear her story.

"I was a product of rape." Daphne said and I needed to take a deep breath and gritted my teeth to stop myself from doing something to her. "Hindi ako tanggap ng nanay ko kaya araw-araw syang naglalasing. At kapag nalalasing sya, doon nya ako sinasaktan."

Araw-araw naglalasing... That means na araw-araw din syang sinasaktan.

"But Apollo, my husband, came into my life. Ang dami nyang itinuro sa akin. He thought me that it's okay to cry if you're hurting. Hindi kasi ako umiiyak noon, eh. Ang akala ko, kapag umiyak ako, pinapatunayan ko lang na mahina ako."

She looked down at her scars and caressed it. Umiwas ako ng tingin. I don't want to see the emotions on her face. I don't want to see why Artemis said that we have the same look in our eyes.

No. We're different. We're not the same.

"Hindi ako tanggap ng sarili kong ina but with Apollo, I found a new home. He was the first one who made feel that I have a place where I belonged. Kaya kahit masakit sa akin na hindi ako tanggap ni Mama, I felt okay... With Apollo."

I took a deep and shaky breath. Nagsimulang manginig ang mga kamay ko so I had to hide my hands under the countertop so Daphne wouldn't see it. I gritted my teeth so hard that my jaw hurt. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

No. Fuck... We're not the same!

"But Apollo hurt me, too." Daphne continued but I'm having a hard time controlling my breathing.

What the fuck is happening to me? Why is she affecting me this much?

"At doon na talaga ako sumuko. Sa tagal na panahon kong kumapit na baka maging maayos pa ang buhay ko, sumuko ako nang saktan ako ni Apollo." I bit my lower lip when it started to tremble. "And then Loki came. He fixed me. He became my second home. And I was so glad that he did. Pero hinahanap-hanap ko pa rin yung naging unang tahanan ko kahit na may masakit akong naging karanasan doon. Kasi pakiramdam ko, doon ako nakumpleto talaga. Doon ako natutong lumaban. Doon ko natutong tanggapin ang sarili ko at harapin ang problema ko. And I feel like if I haven't met Apollo before Loki came, hindi ko rin magagawang ibangon ang sarili ko."

"Stop..." I said but it was so soft that Daphne didn't hear it.

"I've learned how to stand up with my own two feet because of Apollo. Yung sakit na pinaramdam nya sa akin, it gave me a push to be a better version of myself. He thought me how to forgive and how to accept myself. At inalalayan naman ako ni Loki throughout the way."

"I said stop." madiin nang sabi ko. I looked at her and she looked back at me as she flashed a gentle smile.

"So don't be afraid of opening yourself up to someone. Don't be afraid to show your vulnerable side. You need it. Dahil kapag hindi mo 'yan inilabas, mas masakit sa dibdib."